So it's about your 'right' or 'want' to read the thread, ahead of consideration or respect of the feelings of comfort or safety of the people who actually use this thread for support?
It sits about right from what i can make.
There's no expectation of privacy on a public message board. I'd imagine quite a few people lurk this and many other threads on RYL (and every message board in the universe). We just don't know they're around because they stay logged out when they do it, or don't even have accounts in the first place.
I respect everyone here. But I don't think anyone (online or IRL) has a right to proscribe a specific individual from reading what are otherwise public statements, simply because they have a difference of opinion with that individual with regard to a specific issue.
When people ask for their personal space to be respected, though, I would think it is considerate to honour that request.
---
Me. I'm still in a kind of limbo type state. Not really sure what's going on.
Wasn't meant to be working in the busier library during children's summer hols. But guess where I'm rota-ed to work. I'm concerned, and hope I cope without feeling too overwhelmed. Mind you, I'd rather be busy than sitting around doing nothing and having mind wander it's wanderings. And it's an easier journey, and it's air conditioned. But yeah, need to take good care of all of me.
Hope you are all doing ok. I am thinking of you all in your individual struggles and hoping that today is a positive day for you all.
I barely slept last night, just wrote in my diary for hours. It helped to get some of it out instead of just being dissociated. I still haven't surfaced from the last therapy session. A few new alters have appeared. I'm feeling apprehensive at the idea of allowing them to talk to my therapist, not because I don't want to, but because I'm scared of embarrassing myself or her thinking that I'm a fake. I'm so exhausted and depressed. I'm beginning to accept that those things did happen to me, but I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing right now.
See, I categorise 'memories' into sections; 'real and 'half-real'. Real memories are where I can feel the things around me and smell the smells that would have been present if I'd actually been there. So I guess they're true memories. Right? Half-real memories are ones are always me watching myself do things, like I'm floating above or behind my 'memory' self. They're of things that I know I've done because others tell me that I did that stuff, but I don't really feel as if it's true. Did I make these ones up just to make sense of being told I did something? Is that why they don't feel real?
And then there's the stuff that I don't remember at all but people say I did.
Last edited by ghosts in the machine : 25-07-2010 at 02:18 PM.
Reason: trying to make more sense
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
Katie,
I hope the busier library keeps you focused on work, rather than overwhelming you, if that's the case it could be a helpful venture.
Hannah,
It probably doesn't feel that way now, but acceptance is a very positive thing. You can't deal with or manage things you don't know about or believe in. I know it is very painful and confusing (among other things) to believe what your memories tell you, but it really is necessary, and you are doing a great job! As with the alters that have just surfaced, maybe just give yourself some time (if possible) before they come out in therapy, it sounds like you are still need some time to process the last session. Give your self some space, time to reflect and recover before diving into something new.
*breathes deeply* I'm trying to stay calm. everything seems to have kicked off over the last week. I have so many appointments coming up i'm completely overwhelmed. I feel like there's someone who's tugging on my right hand and mind, but they're not 'coming out and i cant figure out who they are.
You are talking to: Kat The Others are: Annabell (Belle), Rosie, Lotty, Kate, Amy, Jessica (Jess), Sarah, Ramiel(Miel), Elizabeth (Liz), Shadow
Lost Boys - Thank you for your advice. You're right, I suppose it is a big step to be moving towards acceptance after years of denial. It's been a huge step to even be able to remember bits as I just hadn't been aware any of it had happened before. It's overwhelming. I'm wondering about letting some of the alters out who are more established and who I have "known" for longer, but I'm not sure, I guess I'll just see how I feel tomorrow. I feel a little bit brighter today after my mammoth diary session last night but still feeling pretty grim. How are you doing?
Scath - I know what you mean about half-memories. A lot of my memories are like that. Maybe at some point the half-memories will become full memories, but for now just try to deal with what you can. I know it's hard when the memories seem to uncertain and hazy but try not to force them. Hope you're ok.
Katnovia - Hope your appointments go well for you.
Emma - It's nice to see you back here. I hope you are doing ok? It sounds like things have been quite confusing for you recently and I hope that you are getting support to help you with it. I hope that you are able to get to know Ally and Izzy in a positive and constructive way :-]
tomoro we has bigdr appt an tey decid if we ned sta hosptal. i reeli hops not. i scard dr tri maks me dispeer. i no wana dispeer. i wana sta rite heer an i wana keps my nam too! i so scard.
we has go werk at 430 cuz meenie boss man tel us to cuz we not werk tomoro. but i reeli no wan..
ok yeah well the boss is a freaking idiot!!! omg ha! we arent staying long cause dr appt monday is at 8:15am so we probably wont sleep good tonight anxiety will be high im sure.
so we need to come home early shower and take a xanax to ensure that we can at least sleep some tonght.. and if he doesnt like it then its his fault! he never ask what time appt is .. and we even said itll take all day. if hed stop being a lazt, stingy idiot and hire another front desk so it wasnt just Hiding and the boss and his wife..then we wouldn't have to go in tonight at all. its way screwed up. anyhow ....umm yeah.. sorry i interuppted sarah here to vent my frustrations but ..GRRR!!
We have fructose malabsorbotion, we get physically sick when we eat NUMEROUS amounts of foods, from apples, pears, stone fruit
(plums peaches, appricots, mango etc, wheat, onion, green beans... the list goes on. It's like all the foods that we love :(
Hiding,
We hope it goes well tomorrow, just be honest and having something soothing with you, to ground yourself and keep yourself present.
Hannah -- I've PM"d you back. Hope therapy goes well and you begin to feel better.
Ash -- I can't imagine being allergic to so many foods. How do you nourish yourself ? :)
---
I am beginning to accept that I am not lying, that I do have DID. It was difficult to this point, but now that I have, it just feels...right, if that makes any sense.
But it's also overwhelming. It means I have a lot of work to do.
My name is Matt, and I am a boy. Feel free to PM me :)
I have learned that the world is not a safe place. Not at all. But there are so many people who love me and want to keep me safe. And that is enough.
Im going to try to handle work tonight for the few hrs we are there. its very hard to stay front and not want to SH when sarah and Hiding are soo freaked out.. man hate the headaches.. rather the headaches than the panic tho .. cause i dont know how to deal with that. SADIE
we will make it ..ok I'm sure.. just hating all this chaos really wish it had an off switch ha!
strange about Kyle, but if he was worried he may do something he will regret than maybe it is for the best that he has hidden away inside for a bit. try not to worry.. just..umm..try your best to keep things going..that is all i am trying to do at the moment myself.
![[Fog]'s Avatar](images/avatars/12 - Copy.gif)
