Thank you. It does badly affect my mental health, I suppose that is the main reason why I hope something can be done about it. I have a reminder in my phone to fill in a triage form tomorrow.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I have just filled in the form. Now panicking that they will be judging me and that they will now have to call me and I hate waiting on calls and hearing my phone ringing and I don't know what they will say to me.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
Well done for filling in the form. I hope they get back to you soon so you don't have o be anxious for long. They aren't judging you just trying to help you.
I'm getting bloods taken next Wednesday and an ECG at some point but general checks were all ok. I really want something treatable to show up in my bloods that will get rid of my exhaustion but I think they will all be fine.
Not feeling really good mentally. Don't know if I could even explain it to Duty. I had a weird feeling last night when I was in bed of being very calm on the outside but needing to scream and thrash about and bash myself off things because of a huge unknown feeling in my head. I didn't do it though, just imagined doing it. I kind of feel like it needs to happen but it won't.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I know it's really hard but try not to worry too much about whether or not bloods will show something. You can't change what the bloods will show. Completely understand you want it to be something that's easy to fix though.
It sounds like your brain was trying to express some of your frustration about your situation (i.e. the exhaustion and lack of support). Is there another way you could try and express your frustration in case that's what it is? Punch a pillow or scream into one? Write all the frustrating things on paper and then destroy the paper?
I'm going to try and stop drinking Pepsi Max because of the caffeine. I read that if you cut it out completely it supposedly gives you more energy but I bet in my case it will just make things worse. I don't want to have to accept that I will always have to go to bed early and just be thankful for what I do during my hours out of bed. That would be awful. I wouldn't even do much with more evening hours but it's important to me that I feel awake for longer. I feel controlled right now.
I tried to phone Duty yesterday night but it went to voicemail and it was too late to leave a message. They're wrong that I can phone and talk any time I need to. I need a person. Maybe one day there will be no Duty service, everything is falling apart. I might be discharged from psychiatry. The present and future is hopeless and no amount of challenging my thinking, affirmations, and practicing gratefulness can change that.
I still feel like the imagined screaming, throwing self about, and bashing needs to happen in real life. It doesn't feel like I just need to express frustration. I will have been on the increased dose of Lurasidone a week tomorrow. I'm not so distressed about the other world stuff but part of me still thinks that's a bad thing.
I just really wish I wasn't so alone with pretty much no support.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I phoned Duty and someone good answered but I hung up because they'll be finishing soon so I shouldn't be bothering them this late. I want to go out and kill myself. I am kind of scared about going out in the dark though and it's loud outside with the football, it's loud enough inside. I don't know what I'm going to do. I hate everything.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
It isnt bothering them. And if the alternative is killing yourself or even thinking about killing yourself (which is distressing enough) then you need and deserve support. I mean you always do deserve support but when suicide is feeling like a genuine option yinneed to reach out and get help to stay alive.
Is there anything you can do to help keep yourself safe?
I feel like you are always supporting me and I'm not helping you at all. I am appalled by how little support you get but please keep fighting, you deserve a decent life. You are not responsible for your brother or the other world.
Thank you both. I did just go to bed and it was extra horrible because it was too early to get a good sleep but I just stayed there. I'm not good with helplines other than Duty, it makes me exhausted trying to explain everything and getting unhelpful responses because they don't know me and I give up quickly. It feels like too much effort for nothing.
Tamo, there is no need to force yourself to try and support me. I don't support people and feel like they somehow owe me. Don't worry. Thank you for taking the time to reply to me though. I'm trying to fight, it just doesn't feel worth it and everything feels so huge.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I just want to give up. I have practically no support but I need it. I wish someone would just help me to die if things are going to continue like this.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I just want to give up. I have practically no support but I need it. I wish someone would just help me to die if things are going to continue like this.
I'm sorry your also struggling - please hang in there are try to create your own safe bubble and avoid worry. I've learned to take it day-by-day now and not look to far ahead. I do hope you notice some relief from avoiding the Pepsi. I'm sorry that wasn't much help but you've tried to help me before and I just with I were is better shape to give back that care others have given to me.
For what its worth, I also have little (to no) support, but I don't think there is much anybody could do anyway.
I'm not very good at managing alone. Well I do my best but I still think I need professional support too. I don't have family or friends I can turn to.
I introduced back my reading time after dinner which I haven't managed to do for a while and it seemed to help a bit with staying up. Then I went online for a bit and scrolling was easy and then I watched a short TV programme and went to bed at about 8.25pm. I really hope I don't have to go to bed early tonight because of staying up later. Good things never seem to last. I want to keep this routine up and not feel exhausted and eventually be able to maybe watch 2 TV programmes to stay up a bit later.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
Someone told me who is on Duty this weekend. The last time I spoke to her she wanted to know if I was at a crisis point first. She didn't want to talk to me. My psychiatrist told me to phone Duty when I'm not at a crisis point as well as when I am. No one understands the reality of services, not even those who work for them like someone from Duty saying I can phone and will be able to talk to someone any time I need to. My previous psychologist talked about not being able to have perfect care but having good enough care. I don't feel like I even have good enough care. If I said I need more support I'd be told I'm doing fine with what I have.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I'm hearing static/crackling inside my house. I think the other world may be opening inside my house and that is terrifying. My house is supposed to be a relatively safe place but it won't be if the other world opens up in here. I have never considered this a possibility, before the entrance has always been in places outside and I've never actually managed to find it. I don't know what to do. I tried Duty but it went through to voicemail. Not that they could do anything anyway.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
