Not knowing

[tamobhuuta]

I've been being positive for weeks, it's not working.

[one_step_closer]

So going back to unhelpful things would be better? What does 'things working' look like to you?

[tamobhuuta]

It's not getting me closer to getting rid of the implant and it's not getting me closer to getting home either.

[Auror.]

know we asked this before, but is there any other possible way of either more safely removing the implant, or learning to live with/accept that it must stay in?

don't necessarily think positivity is the solution if it's not realistic for you right now. totally get your frustration too. just trying to think of if there are any other options about the implant stuff that might help you get unstuck.

[tamobhuuta]

No there isn't.

[one_step_closer]

Do you have plans on where to go from here?

[tamobhuuta]

I'm going to go back to trying to get off the ward. The psych said I couldn't have leave this week and Christmas is unlikely. This is why I shouldn't tell the truth.

[one_step_closer]

I don't think you will succeed in getting off the ward for long if at all and it would only make things worse. I'm sorry you feel like you're getting nowhere with telling the truth but it's still really important. I'm also sorry that you're getting no leave and might not get home for Christmas, that must be really upsetting. I hope you will at least have lots of visitors and some nice activities to keep you occupied although I know that doesn't make up for it.

[Zurg]

But Tamo, they are not punishing you for telling the truth. They are taking your well being serious by trying to help you keep yourself safe from the beliefs about the implant/organisation.

[Auror.]

unfortunately if you aren't at all willing or able to consider any other options besides removing the implant yourself, it does sound like you're potentially going to be stuck. we get that that's super frustrating, but lying will not actually help either. nor will trying to get off the ward. those are things that will likely make your stay even longer and more uncomfortable than it already is. which sucks.

[tamobhuuta]

I feel like 'behaving myself ' and waiting for meds to work hasn't got me anywhere either.

[one_step_closer]

You did say before that there were some good changes with the meds. Maybe there are different ways to go about things that you haven't tried before and aren't destructive etc. Just because one positive way of doing things is slow it doesn't mean that you can't add in other things. Although right now I can't think of anything specific, sorry.

[tamobhuuta]

It's a few weeks since my clozapine was upped. I suppose it's not unthinkable that it might kick in in the next couple of weeks.

[Pi.R^2]

So sorry to hear that you likely won't be home for Christmas. It does sound like that might not have gone too safely though :(

I can see your frustration that trying to work with them hasn't helped! What are they currently suggesting will help you? Have you got access to any psychological therapies in there? I know you've found some skills-based stuff helpful in the past.

[long road]

How have the last few days been?

Thinking of you xx

[tamobhuuta]

I've not been offered any therapy, as ip or in the community. A few years I did CBT for psychosis in the community, that was helpful, I'm using those skills.

The past 3 days my risk has been at the top of safe/bottom of unsafe. Hopefully that will last and I can look at discharge. Or at least, leave over Christmas.

[long road]

Gla dlast few days have been a bit better for you. When will you know if you get leave for Christmas?

[tamobhuuta]

Should be today. My ward rounds is meant to be at 11.15am

[one_step_closer]

Good luck. I hope they can sort out something that you are happy with.

[tamobhuuta]

It was a junior doctor and he said he needed to talk about leave with the MDT tomorrow morning but I will probably need successful leave with staff before any leave with family.