hi all i am now home from the hospital and feeling very uneasy and scared being back home. i know they cant get me anymore but im so jumpy with the slightest noise i end up cowering in the corner. im also having severe flashbacks and nightmares, theyve really screwed me up.
*snuggles into*
really struggling to cope right now the whole situation is just to much.
ive had enough i dont think im strong enough to do this.
the flashbacks and nightmares, the shakes and jumpiness, feeling them and the vivid memories its just draining me of life.
it should be so easy now they have gone but its not.
im exhausted.
*curls up tight*
*curls up in your arms snuggling into gently*
ive got a carer at home with me at the moment so im not here alone which is good because i keep having severe panic attacks. the one yesterday nearly put me back in the hospital.
but im struggling to cope with everything that has happened, i just want to give up.
i spent most of last night stopping myself from acting on my bad bad thoughts, i should just give into them shouldnt i?
im sorry im just not coping right now im sorry
*cuddles into you*
why are things so hard right now?
im really really struggling *curls up with eeyore and a blankie*
ive got another infection where the stitches are and now got the flu and feel like crap.
i cant do this no more.
*safe hugs*
Anna's right honey, it's gonna take time for you to heal, in all ways.
Please look after yourself, you're worth fighting for now you're free from them.
You're so strong, don't let them take that away from you.
x Katie x
thank you Anna and Katie for the snuggles and hugs i sure need them just now.
im feeling very anxious and scared today as the police are coming to see me. they said they need to talk to me, why do they need to talk to me? i hope nothing is wrong with the case, im so scared.
i feel so unwell ive not been able to eat since this all happened im just falling apart.
everything has just got so out of control im losing it. theyre winning, im completely screwed up.
*sits and rocks*
howd it go with the police?
until the trial is done, you probably will be asked occasionally to give a statement, and told whats going on etc.
youre not completely screwed up hun.
its really hard right now, your body needs time to heal and your mind time to process everything.
you have someone there helping you, right? could they help you eat? start with stuff easy to eat like soup and yogurt and fruit, stuff like that maybe?
Every day the world is made a chance to change but i feel the same.
And I wonder why would i wait till i die to come alive?"
All alone the way she feels
Left alone to deal with all the pain-drenched sorrow relief
I hope it went okay with the police, how are you feeling?
Maybe having small things to eat that are easy to prepare like tinned soup or cereal might help, it'd be good if you could keep your strength up sweetie *leaving lots of cuddles*
thank you Katie, Anna and Bethany all the cuddles are well taken and needed. *cuddles in close*
well the police have slightly tipped me over the edge, they came to tell me that 2 of the girls are out on bail until the hearing starts or until they slip up and break their conditions.
so at the moment im feeling very anxious and vulnerable.
i also went to see my doctor yesterday as she had asked to see me about my eating or lack of it. she said that if it doesnt improve she's considering a hospital admission, i dont want to go into hospital. but im really struggling ive got no appetite whatsoever i dont even feel hungry.
im not coping at all well right now, ive got thoughts whizzing around in my head and im so scared im gonna act on them. everything is out of control, im losing it and i cant cope.
im sorry
Can the police provide you with any sort of protection because those two girls are out on bail? It's terribly unfair they got granted bail.
Do you think you could manage to keep soups or smoothies down? That way you're still having something and could possibly avoid another hospital admission.
You don't have to apologise for anything sweetie, try to stay distracted today and just be kind to yourself if you can, you can do this, you're so strong and brave you'll get through this Jo.
*safe hugs*
I agree with the others, ask the police if they can offer any protection for you - it's not fair they've been let out on bail.
No need to be sorry, we're all here for you <3
x Katie x
*cuddles into* thank you for your support and kind words, they mean so much right now cause i feel so alone and low.
yesterday was a bad day my head just wouldnt stop and my thoughts and urges got seriously out of control. my carer found me sitting on the bathroom floor with my stash of pills. everything is just to much right now and im a mess, im losing it completely it.
the police are ringing or calling by everyday to check everythings ok and that theres been no contact from the girls, which there hasnt been so far. plus i still have all the chains and bolts etc so im safe as i can be.
im trying so hard to keep fighting and hang in there but its so hard.
thats good the police are checkin on you, and that youve got the bolts n such
is your carer staying with you 24/7?
*snuggles close*
its hard. i cant imagine being in your position.
youre real strong to have come through all the abuse
you can keep goin n fightin
youll likely slip up n want to give up here n there
thats ok, normal, dont beat yourself up over that
get back up n keep goin
*hugs*
hows the infection n all that? any better?
Every day the world is made a chance to change but i feel the same.
And I wonder why would i wait till i die to come alive?"
All alone the way she feels
Left alone to deal with all the pain-drenched sorrow relief
