I know it's completely overdue and I'm not even sure if anyone will still read this. I have had such a rollercoaster few months and honestly I've not had much time to upset with one thing after another. But here is an update that I wrote just now, it's not been spell checked etc so I'm sorry if there's any mistakes. Please please please forgive me for my lack of presence, I'm hoping to be back now. I hope your all still interested, enjoy!
Chapter 22.
The time has flown by, I'm still in this awful place and I am still non the wiser about where Luke is. Hayley hasn't been into work for a couple of weeks which unnerves me but theres nothing I can do but wait around for her to appear. Mike has declared his love for me and I mean I like him, I do, just not like that! I havn't seen any of my family for a while, I'd like to keep it that way. I just want Luke back and I want to get out of this place.
We sit down in the dining hall for breakfast and I stare at my plate while Mike sits next to me and scoffs his food down, I've not understood how people can just eat it like that. I'm the kind of person that inspects their food and this place doesn't exactly make the best food going. Mike has the mindset that if he eats ok and feeds all the psychiatrists the information they need that make him sound 'better' that he will get out of this place sooner. I'm not sure that he's realised it just doesn't work in this kind of place. I pick up the spoon and force myself to eat the horrible smelling and horrible tasting food that the hospital have served up today when we hear the door open and close. I turn and look to see who it is and stood there is Hayley with our newest 'new person'. I turn back around and then take a double take and I can't believe my eyes, it's Luke! Hayley smiles at me then shakes her head, I take it as an indication to not get up and go over. Then Luke looks at me and I feel his warmth soak through into every ounce of my body. The emptiness that has been there since coming into this hospital quickly goes. He smiles briefly at me and then goes with Hayley to Valerie.
"Can I just get everyones attention please?" Valerie shouts. I turn back around and look at the three of them and see the terror in Lukes face, which makes me giggle under my breath, I can't imagine how terrifying and embarrasing it is to have the whole of the dining hall stare at you.
"Everyone this is Duncan and he's new here" Valerie says and I gulp hard. Duncan? Thats not Duncan, that's Luke! That's my baby Luke! "I need someone to help him settle in and get used to the routines, is there anyone who's happy to offer?" I hesitate for a second to see if anyone puts their hand up, no one does. After a couple of minutes I put my hand up and Valerie is very happy to let the new patient walk over to me and take a seat next to me.
"Duncan, this is Laura, Laura.. this is Duncan. I trust you will help him get used to life here?" Valerie says and I nod and watch as Hayley and Valerie walk back into the corner of the dining hall. A few minutes later the bell goes to tell us that breakfast is over and we are free to do what we wish for a couple of hours. I get permission from Valerie first but then take Duncan, or Luke, whoever you want to call him, to my room. I said to go over the routines of the day, she was more than happy with that.
Luke walks in before me and sits on my bed, looking around the room with a smile on his face then I close the door behind him and walk over. I kneel down infront of him and touch his face, feel his lips, his hair, I look into his eyes once again and I feel my heart pounding fast and hard
'It really is you, isn't it?' I say and he smiles the broadest smile
"Of course it's me, baby" He says as he places his hands either side of my face. I take his hands and feel them, touch them, kiss them. I touch his neck, his arms, his legs and I pull him close to me to feel his warmth close to my skin.
'What are you doing here?' I whisper as I hold him, shock still taking hold of me
"According to them, I'm some crazy person called Duncan" He says and he laughs
'But how!' I ask as I sit on the floor infront of him with his hands in mine 'But why Duncan, how? How do they not know its you? How have you done this?' I ask him and shake my head in disbelief.
"I had some help by your friend Hayley" he says "She found me and helped me get in here to see you again, baby"
'Oh My God' I say with suprise in my voice 'your really here? for how long?'
"However long you are, i'm going to make sure of that" He pulls me up off the floor and wraps his arms around me "Give me a hug, baby, the biggest hug you've ever given someone". I sit on his lap and wrap my arms around him as tightly as I could.
'I've missed you so much' I whisper as I start sobbing 'I thought something had happened to you.. I thought you were in prison.. I even thought maybe you were, you know..' He pulls away from his hug and places his finger on my lips
"Shh" he smiles and kisses me so softly, so gently.
I get up and go over to the door and pull my chest of drawers infront of it. Luke laughs at me
The following content has been hidden - Reason : sexual....
"What are you doing?" he asks me and I smile, walk over and push him onto the bed, I sit ontop of him with one leg each side and kiss him over and over. He undresses me and feels every curve of my body, he feels me with his hands, his lips, his tongue. He ooh's and ahh's at my body and kisses me neck, picks me up and places me down on the bed. He undresses himself and I feel his skin with my hands, my lips and my tongue. I pull him ontop of me and will for him to be inside of me and feel every part of the embrace that we are in. I feel the upset, the sadness, the trauma of the past few months disappear out of my mind and my body, I'm safe again now that he's here with me.
**If You Love Someone Or Something Enough, Set Them Free.**
YAY!! Luke's back!!
Great update, more soon?! Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeee
"People have abused you lots in the past? Why do you then abuse yourself more?" - Quote
Sometimes I feel like I'm alone, Sometimes I feel like I'm not that strong, Sometimes I feel nothing at all, Sometimes I feel vulnerable, Sometimes I feel a little fragile
I wrote this on my phone so I'm sorry about any spelling mistakes, I will get on tomorrow to re read! Enjoy! X
Chapter 23
I lay in Lukes arms for what I can say was a while, although I'm not sure how long. I had decided at that very minute that I never wanted to leave his arms. It felt so good to be safe again, with someone who loved me as much as I loved them. I had a feeling that being in his arms wouldn't last for much longer and I was right as I listened to a tap on the door.*
Luke sat bolt upright and climbed off the bed, running around trying to find where his clothes had got too. He found them and quickly got changed. It was at that moment that I realised, his arms were covered in large cuts, some with stitches and some without. I had to take a double look, but my eyes definatly didn't trick me, they were there, they were real.*
There was another knock at the door and I got myself out of bed and found my clothes*
"can I come in?" Hayley said out loud as I zipped my trousers up and watched Luke walk over to the door to push the chest of drawers out of the way*
'just a second' I said and nodded. Luke let her in with a sheepish smile on his face and Hayley closed the door behind her*
"what was going on in here?" she said looking behind me at the bed, with the sheets all crinkled and messy*
'we were.. Uh catching up' I said to her and felt myself blush*
"I didn't agree to help you out knowing you were going to jump straight into bed as soon as you saw eachother" Hayley said as she looked quite angrilly at me "you need to be careful about the way you are acting towards eachother, there have been endless questions from the other patients asking where you were and why you weren't with Mike. You can't just adandom him, Laura" she said to me and I nodded*
'i know I can't, I havnt, we just.. Got a bit carried away, I'm sorry' I smiled at her and she shook her head at me then turned to look at Luke
"you need to come with me to get your wounds looked at and to speak to the psychiatrist, say goodbye for now" Luke looks over to me and smiles*
'we'll talk later, I'll come and find you when I get out of this meeting' i nod at him and mouth I love you and watch as he walks out with Hayley.*
I sit back on my bed and can't take my mind of it, the sight of his arms. Had he started doing that? Was it to get in here? Was it copying me? Why was he here, what did he have to do to get in here? I had to find out the answers before I went crazy.*
I make my bed and tidy myself up before going to sit outside for a while. I sat out in the pouring rain while everyone watched me and tried to get me in. It wasn't until Valerie came out with an umbrella did I realise just how heavy it was raining and by that point I didn't have a choice about going inside, she was making me. She made me change into dry clothes after taking a bath and having a hot drink. It felt like forever, doing all of this and waiting for Luke to get back.*
I realised I hadn't seen Mike in a while and went round to look for him but found him no where. I found Valerie again and asked her where he was. She told me he was in isolation as he has threatened two staff and then attempted to harm himself. When I asked why she said he wouldn't talk to anyone. There was no way of me getting to him, so I had no option but to leave it and asked her to let me know if anyone found anything out.*
I made my way to my bedroom and sat around writing in my food diary (I guess they thought this appropriate as I had lost weight and they weren't happy about this, I'm not entirely sure, I mean I know I'm happy about it!) when Luke came in a while later*
"hey beautiful" he said as he sat by me and kissed my forehead*
'hey you' I said back as I closed my eyes and enjoyed my head being kissed like it used to be*
"what are you up to?" he asks as he looks down at my food diary*
'food diary, they want me to write down everything I have ate' I explain to him and he nods*
"I was going to say you've lost alot of weight baby" he rubs my arm and I stare at him in the eyes*
'how did it go with them looking at your.. Wounds?' I ask him
"ah about that. It's not as bad as it looks. I mean, well I don't know" he shrugs his shoulders*
'why have you done... That, after me? After you saw how much I was struggling with that?'
"I had to get in here some how, it's not that bad" Luke smiles at me and I reach for his arm. I pull off his jacket and look at his arm, one cut at a time.*
'they look pretty bad to me' I say to him*
"baby I'm here, does it really matter how or why?"*
'well yeah, it does, did they help you? Did you do it to feel better? Did you do it to get put in here? Tell me. Please tell me' he holds my hand tight and nods at me*
"I have been doing it a few months. In a way to kind of put myself through what you might, I didn't know if you were still doing it, I didn't know alot, just you were in hospital, I didn't know what sort of hospital. I thought if I did that it would put us on some sort of level, of understanding" I look at him in disbelief*
'i think I would of taken it better if you had of said it was just to get in here. It's not being on the same level of understanding, Luke, that's just me introducing you to something that's going to **** you over, take it from me, you can't keep doing that, it will destroy you, it will take your life over'*
"it's not taking my life over. I'm here with you, it worked, it brought us closer together, does anything else matter?" he asks me and strokes my face
'i don't know, I just don't want you to turn out like me, ****ed up' he reaches in and kisses my lips*
"your not ****ed up, your beautiful, every part of you, I love you inside and out. I would of done anything to be with you, pretending to be someone else and to have some cuts on my arm, it's nothing and even if it were, you know what? I wouldn't really care" he looks at me and pushes my hair out of my face. I don't understand why this of all things would be better, it's a little too close to home. I am terrified he will turn out like me, but I'm also glad he's here with me.*
We cuddle for a short while until Hayley runs in*
"laura, come quick, your needed" I look at the urgency in her face and run with her, Luke following behind until we get to the therapy room where I hear shouting and screaming with patients stood outside crying and Valerie trying to calm them.*
'what's going on?' I ask and hear an almighty scream come once again from the therapy room 'who's in there? What's going on?' i turn to Hayley and she takes my hand and takes me into the therapy room slowly. I take one look and gasp....*
'Mike!' I shriek 'Mike don't!'...
**If You Love Someone Or Something Enough, Set Them Free.**
:O Nooooo.....not a cliff hanger....*gives puppy dog eyes*
I need more!!
Great update by the way.
*sets up camp*
"People have abused you lots in the past? Why do you then abuse yourself more?" - Quote
Sometimes I feel like I'm alone, Sometimes I feel like I'm not that strong, Sometimes I feel nothing at all, Sometimes I feel vulnerable, Sometimes I feel a little fragile
