Keep fighting honey. Look forward, beyond all these struggles. Think of the life you will be able to have when you are free from your ED. It will be TOTALLY worth it. Right yourself little reminders about why you want recovery and that you WILL get there. I believe in you Ally, you are stronger than you know <3
I wanna stay inside all day
I want the world to go away
I just feel like I CANNOT do this anymore!! I have an incredibly stressful day tomorrow and I dont know how to cope with it. I ate all my meals today because I have to but I dont feel like I can keep doing this for another 30-something days. I want to get better so much though, but my ED tells me otherwise.
Can I please have some support for tomorrow? I'm sorry that I can't go into details here.
Thankyou all again, I'm sorry that I've not been supporting others lately.
*hugs lots*
Of course you can have support sweetie!!
Don't apologise for not supporting others, you need our support right now so I'm offering mine.
Well done on eating those meals that's a great step, you can keep doing it, IGNORE that ED it's trying to kill you that's all it wants.
Hold on to that thought, you want to get better so much, & guess what?? You can!! I believe that you can..
I hope tomorrow isn't too bad, but we're here to talk to
xx
I have to go to court today because during DBT one week I disassociated and ended up shoplifting, and got caught. God I am so so ashamed to write that, even though apparently I cant be taken as responsible for my own actions. And it also really scares me because I dont remember doing that, what if I had done something worse? What if I had hit someone in my car? I just have this huge blank from being at DBT until a long long time after. I've disassociated a lot in the past, but never this bad.
I'm absolutely terrified. I have all these images of courtrooms from TV stuck in my head, and like I said I'm freaking out, even though apparently I won't actually be charged. I just feel like a criminal, even though I dont remember I still did it, does that make me as bad a person as I think it does?
Aw, Ally. You are not a bad person. It will be okay. I know dissociating is scary stuff. I have so many periods of time I cannot account for. I REALLY doubt your hearing will be anything like on TV. It'll likely just be you and your lawyer if you had one appointed, and two people on the other side, the judge, and maybe a secretary recording what is said. I've been to court a few times and that is how it was. I didn't even have to speak, the lawyers did all the talking. And you have a good defense. It was not your fault, you have an illness that you cannot control.
I'll be thinking of you and hoping that it goes well. I hope you are okay. And remember, you are NOT a bad person at all. You are a wonderful person who has a terrible illness that you didn't choose to have. I love you.
I wanna stay inside all day
I want the world to go away
Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry that you ended up doing that. I hope you don't get a punishment or anything. I'm thinking of you all the time while I'm in here and am so worried about. I wish I could do something to help you get through this.
thanks so much for not judging me guys, I feel like such a terrible person.
I went to court today, but didnt end up going in, because something about them not having the paperwork they needed or something. The lawyer talked to me for about 5 minutes, then talked to my dad and the police prosecuter for ages, I dont know why I wasn't allowed in.
So I have to go back on the 20th December, and it's really scaring me.
I'm at the point where I want to go home and hope that my ED kills me I just can't take this anymore!!!
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