Location: In a glass vial in the pocket of a beautiful mind.
I am currently:
Don't do it, StuckInReverse. Tell us what is going on. Let us help you.
rhap·so·dy - an ecstatic expression of feeling or enthusiasm. ♫
"Sacrifice is the most you can love someone." ♥
“Love was at best an excuse for stupidity, at worst a destructive, dangerous emotion that drove men to acts of annihilation which defied logic. It was a twisted, insidious sentiment used to justify everything from spoiling a child to destroying entire civilizations.”
Location: In a glass vial in the pocket of a beautiful mind.
I am currently:
Everyone please hang in there
rhap·so·dy - an ecstatic expression of feeling or enthusiasm. ♫
"Sacrifice is the most you can love someone." ♥
“Love was at best an excuse for stupidity, at worst a destructive, dangerous emotion that drove men to acts of annihilation which defied logic. It was a twisted, insidious sentiment used to justify everything from spoiling a child to destroying entire civilizations.”
I walked by the bridge again. Yesterday and today. It's my secret obsession. :( I was doing well and then I did something stupid and it was a huge trigger. Ugh.
I'm done. I just found out I won't be finishing college this year as I didn't get a high enough grade on an elective class back in the fall. It's over. I'm ending it. There is no reason for me to stay alive at this point.
I just need to get all my affairs in order, write a note, and decide how I want to do it and when. I'm just devastated right now. I'd rather die than live as a failure. I'm not afraid to die. It's living that scares the crap out of me.
I'm just beaten and broken. I'm sorry but this is the end. I failed at life.
Last edited by CaptainB2 : 16-03-2012 at 12:48 AM.
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
Scratch that. I won't end my life just yet. I promised I'd give myself til January 1st, 2013 and I intend to stick to that. Right now this is looking more like this will be my last year on this Earth. Maybe, I should just live it up, eat what I want, drink what I want, smoke what I want, and drive as fast as I want. Who knows, if I do all that, nature may take its course anyway.
I've still got almost 10 months. It's important that I stay true to that even if it does result in my inevitable end (which right now seems very likely the way 2012 has been going). So, I didn't mean to scare anyone. I'm sorry if I did.
I'm ok...for now.
Last edited by CaptainB2 : 16-03-2012 at 01:16 AM.
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
I'm done with this pathetic life that I have I'm just a burden living this hollow life that I have created yourself, why do you let me be happy? am I not worth anything?
Close your eyes, so many days go by.
Easy to find what's wrong, harder to find what's right.
Dance With The Devil - Breaking Benjamin
There is nothing like driving so fast that you can see the thin line between life and death
The thought of dying brings me comfort. Is that wrong?
I'm beyond saving at this point. It's obvious now that I cannot handle life and will never truly be happy in this world.
I screamed for help but never got it. I felt so scared and so helpless yet no one could comfort me. I wanted to feel happy and focus on the positive yet no one could take me in that direction. Perhaps, I should've been able to handle things on my own but I couldn't. It was yet another thing I failed to accomplish. I thought somebody would stop me from drowning. I was wrong. I realize now just how alone I truly am. I wonder if I should even bother with a note. I wonder if I should even bother with these next 10 months. I promised I'd give myself to January 1st, 2013 before I lost all hope but finding hope just seems so unlikely at this point.
I don't know what to do. In some ways, i feel death may bring me peace. In some ways, I feel like I'd be doing to world a favor if I removed myself from it.
Last edited by CaptainB2 : 16-03-2012 at 01:17 AM.
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
To be honest... yesterday i did walk to a bridge before the store i was heading to and stood there thinking.... its a bridge over an interstate and cars can go on it. really high railings though that arch. i could climb the fence ontop n jump. seriously would love it.
but anyways my dads out drinkin tonight and i jus wanna go smoke n crap. i really dont give a shit no more. :/
These kicks take me far away my dear; Far away from myself Far away from my troubles
Far away from heaven
