plans ticking in back of my head hopefully can keep them in back tempting to think them through properly, get the stuff, find somewhere but dont really want to die do I?
keep fighting guys, cos as tempting as it is it's not the answer.
i was going to do it i really was and i wish i had and i cant now because now everyones home but i had my things ready and i was just..so..close but i couldnt do it. i dont know what stopped me i just couldnt.
@pukeandcandy
i wish i had some sort of amazing incredible advice but i dont.
are you okay?
I know you know that we could do more but we just don't...
why cant i do it? i have noone noone wants me. so whats keeping me from doing it!? i just want to leave. to die. it would be so much better after im gone. why cant i just get the fing courage and do it. ARG!! stupid.stupid.stupid.
hmm feeling really suicidal again. struggling not do something. :(
I don't know where to go
I don't know what to be
I don't know how to change from being me
I don't know what to say
Maybe another day
I'll stop getting lost and find my way, home
All I know is gone......
Everything set up so perfect like its telling me this tonight is the time to jump off.
Spoke to my mum this morning, dog at dog sitters for a week so she's being looked after, seen the girls at dancing and left with a laugh. This is how they should remember me.
Rather that than go into work tomorrow and freak out and lose my job, rather that than ruin my friendships at dancing by losing my rag, rather that than face life without my husband.
Almost too perfect. And on the way to being completely smashed too.
Ive been depressed for a while now, and i have thought of committing suicide many times, probably more than once a day. I have a good life, i live with my parents and i have a laptop, tv, internet, and anything i would probably want. I always have to put on a fake smile, and every1 including my family and friends thinks im happy, but of course since im posting here, i am not. Some background. i was bullied 2-6 grade in a catholic private school until i decided to leave. I went to a new school for a year and a half, the reason i left is because i was freaking out, when ever i saw people getting bullied or anything like that i would have things like "flashbacks" and i remember what happened to me, and i feel the same as i did then. I left that school and got medication for the "flahsback" thing, that didnt help. Now im in high-school, and ive probably been feeling like killing myself for 1-2 years. I have no problems in that school, i have a good amount of friends, and they all think im funny, i get A's & B's, but i still feel severely depressed. I told my mom i feel "sad" because last time i told her i felt like killing myself she gave me the whole, why when you have all this to be grateful for talk, and blew it off, which btw didnt help as u guessed. I never had a good relationship with my dad as a kid because he had a busy job, i don't really enjoy talking or spending time with him, idk if what happened in my childhood is the reason i fell that way. I went to a psychiatrist but she wasnt good at all, i always have thought all psychiatrists do is sit back listen to you and tell you some obvious crap that doesnt work, so i said the psychiatrist hasnt done anything, so i left. I havent been going to a psychiatrist just been going through school. I never have cut myself or felt like it, i feel like i already feel pain so why would i just inflict more pain slowly on me, id rather get it over with, and be done. I just don't know what to do anymore, i just want some help, even tho it probably wont help, before i just get the guts to end it.
