Really good work Lindsay. I know how much you have struggled with calling and hanging up but you managed to call back and now duty is going to check on you tomorrow so at least tomorrow you don't have to fight to call just have to answer.
Thanks. It was ok, mostly a general chat and they said to call them whenever I need to. I don't know if it will be any easier to call them again though. Heading into the evening when I can't focus on much and some kind of negative feelings will pop up.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
Can anyone help me through this evening? The evenings are when the worst emotions etc come out to play. I can't focus on anything so they are huge right now. I'm so low and suicidal. I can't deal with this and I can't seem to prevent it. My mind says no to activities like reading and watching TV. I haven't got a good book that I can hide inside. It's hopeless and mega painful. I don't want to be strong any more if getting though these times even is strong, I just want to find a foolproof way to kill myself.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
Please don't try to kill yourself, you are worth so much. Is going for a walk an option? Listening to music? An audiobook? Drawing or colouring in? Do you have the energy to do housework? If you think you are going to do something please call Duty or the out of hours equivalent.
Thanks for your reply. Outside is still scary and my strict routine wouldn't allow for a walk right now. In this moment I seem stuck on here and unable to go offline. I will at 7pm when my schedule says it's time to put PJs on and try and watch TV. If I can't sit at peace for TV I'll probably come back here. My brain won't focus on much and music can mess up my head even more. I've done all my housework for the day. I'm sorry if it seems like I'm just pushing things away. I'm so stuck in a routine and I worry if I veer off it too much. I will likely be safe tonight. There's no one I could call and I don't have phone bravery right now. I shouldn't have posted this. I might be able to occupy myself with TV soon.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
It's ok to say what works for you. Could you give something creative a go? It might use a different part of your brain? I don't always find if helpful but sometimes it's worth a try.
I managed to calm down for a bit and watch tv. Thanks for your support. Evenings are so hard. I feel really low already today, got up just before 11am which has upset me but I'm a stupid mess anyway. It's grey outside which doesn't help. I've changed my bedding and washed my hair and don't have much else to do, just clean Crookshanks bowls and stuff later. I have a book that I really wish I could pick up and it be a good one and a place to hide. I'm sick of facing day after day. I don't think I can phone Duty even though it's the same person who's on plus my previous CPN so I know I could talk to them. I don't know if anyone can help or if I even know what to say. If I knew a foolproof way to kill myself I'd do it now because everything is beyond manageable.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
It's been a horrible day. I can't cope any more. I should have phoned Duty. I might have to resort to self harm at least. I don't want to be alive any more.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I hope you don't SH. What are your other options? TV, reading, puzzles, drawing? If you want the pain, elastic band, ice cubes, cold water? How long until bedtime?
My cat is on my lap, I'm trying to stay like this until his food time at 8.30pm. Then it's no screens time and I sit for 45 minutes before bed. I might be able to avoid self harm if I stick to this. I just don't know what to do, how to manage life. I feel like I really do need more support than I'm getting. I'm trapped if I can't kill myself. I don't want to be trapped.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I understand that. But suicide and SH are bad options. Keep going, you can survive this and hopefully the new med will improve things. You might even feel happy!
Thanks, Tamo. It was an awful evening and night and it's sure to happen again. I have no idea if there is a way to avoid it. Duty are on till 6.30pm on weekdays but I don't know if I'd phone because it would probably be close to their finishing time. I could maybe phone them through the day for some advice about how to make evenings less distressing but I don't know who is working today and I might hang up.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
Thanks. I won't be able to try that till Wednesday as I have the gym group tomorrow. I'm hoping this evening won't be too much to handle. As I said in my R/V possibly, I feel like I'm walking on eggshells around myself or having to tread carefully because I could set off a huge emotional bomb.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
