Yeah they are supportive. There's no way if contacting the dermatology department but I see my gp on Wednesday so I'll ask him about starting the new med then. I'll be having it via a weekly injection so I can't od on it. Think uni already know what's going on. I'm heading over to the supported living place in a bit when I get myself together. Only just woke up. Feeling absolutely huge and really want to stop eating but I'm trying to keep it under control.
I'm sorry you had to drop out. You're not a failure. You're going through so much right now, and you're doing so well keeping yourself going that it's alright to let some things slide. You can return to the Uni work later on when you're feeling more stable.
x x x
♥It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...♥
Hi Katie, I'm sorry that I haven't posted on your thread for a while. How are you feeling this evening? I'm sorry to hear that you have dropped out of uni but it's only until September, it does not mean you are a failure at all. You're taking time out to deal with things so that you can hopefully return to studying later in the year.
What are you going to do between now and September? Are you receiving any kind of therapy?
x
When life gets you down do you know what you've gotta do?
I'm gutted about uni and stressed about my weight, my grandfathers death, my Eczema etc etc. I'm at the supported living place for a week and it's helping. I haven't purged yet today. I can't cope with my size anymore though. I need to lose all this fucking weight. Sorry I'm ranting.
No idea what I'm doing between now and September. Hopefully I'll place a place here for the full 8 months and soon. I'm going to look into voluntary work or something. Just have to make it realistic. I tend to get a bit manic thinking of 'all the things I could do with my time' and essentially set myself up for failure because I can barely get out of bed let alone be busy 12 hours a day. Would be really good if I could not to that this time. I'd also like to start uni reading now so that I'm prepared for September and could maybe go back full time (< see how easily that creeps in. *sigh*)
I do have therapy, yeah. Although she's been off for a couple of weeks. She's really good, I'm grateful to be working with her.
Doing some volunteering would be good to fill some time - perhaps you could start just doing one to two hours and, if you're able to, build it up to more rather than planning more and not being able to do it?
Doing Uni reading for September is really good too :)
Do you know when you're next seeing your therapist or when she's going to be back?
x x x
♥It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...♥
I think starting volunteering slowly would be really helpful - I hope you're able to do that.
x x x
♥It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...♥
Thanks. I just really struggle to pace myself. I get carried away with planning all the things I could do with my time and then do too much which leads to a crash. I've already decided I'm going to be bike riding, swimming, snowboarding (they've got a slope with real snow near me, very excited about it), reading, writing a book, doing a photography course (starts next week), alongside therapy and appointments and such. I used to volunteer in a nursery so I could go back to that. Maybe I need to calm down.
I also had a small epiphany that if I want to get completely better I need to stop all behaviours, including overdosing, for good. Which is terrifying and seems so unachievable. But maybe it's possible.
I often feel the same, when I decide I'm going to do something and I suddenly think 'I am superwoman and I can do EVERYTHING'...then I soon realise I can't.
It does sound like that is a lot to take on when you're already not feeling as stable as you could be. There are things you're already set on starting/already doing - therapy, appointments, photography course etc. However, perhaps some of the other things can go on the back burner until you've settled into your course and the appointments etc? The things you've listed are a lot to anyone who isn't already struggling.
It's really good you've come to this realisation about these behaviours - you're right, they do need to stop to be healthy, but that in itself is going to be a slow road to go on. It is achievable with support and help, but it can take some time to get to. Realising it though is of course the first step, so well done for that :) It is certainly possible.
x x x
♥It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...♥
I just saw my boyfriend and I think we're breaking up. It's very complicated but I think I'd be happy if I didn't have to deal with the stress of being in a relationship. I've been with him a year and I still find all the physical stuff really hard, almost traumatic (even hold hands is a complete nightmare for me never mind anything else). I feel guilty about being so happy breaking up with him but maybe I shouldn't? Dunno. I don't know if it's just because of past abuse that I find it hard or that I'm just not attracted to him? Also he's really depressed and crying all the time, and obviously I'm not one to judge but I do find that stressful too. There's never a light day. Sorry I'm kind of ranting now.
I'm really struggling. My eczema is badly flared and painful. Waiting at my gps for meds. Can't cope. Want to die now. Sorry, all I do is complain I know I just can't deal with it. It's too much.
Sorry to hear about your relationship being so stressful.
It sounds like perhaps both of you could do with finding yourselves separately and working on getting yourselves better.
I don't think it's a bad thing that you feel that way about breaking up with him. You've got a lot going on and if the relationship causes you worry/stress it's understandable that you will want to have a break from it.
As Lana said, the main thing is you do what's right for you and what makes you feel comfortable.
How are you feeling today?
x x x
♥It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...♥
Stupid fucking bitch gp wouldn't give me the meds I needed for my skin with no explanation. It's a fairly heavy drug I know, but I need it to stop being in so much pain and distress with my skin. I've had enough now. I bought stuff to od on. I don't mean to be a drama queen but I don't deserve to be treated like this.
Very good point. For some reason self inflicted pain seems better than pain caused by others but that logic is surely flawed. Or maybe I'm totally off the mark and I do deserve to be hurt by others too.
That being said I'm feeling much calmer. I still have the drugs in my bag but I'll work on getting rid of them. Plus if I od'd here then I'd have to explain myself to the supported living people which wouldn't be fun not to mention a million and one other reasons to not od. If I od'd whilst I was here they might think it wasn't helping and not offer me a long term place. And although I'm down and stressed I don't want to die and I would be risking death of I did overdose.
I'm sorry to hear the GP appointment didn't go well.
I hope you manage to get rid of the medication; it's an amazing step to come to this realisation, so well done.
Could you speak to the derm doctor about the medication for your skin..?
x x x
♥It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...♥
I unfortunately don't see my derma doc for a while but my regular GP would give me a proper prescription and I see him Monday. I just didn't want have to wait in pain over the weekend and my face is really bad and I get self conscious over it. But I'm now so pissed off at that GP/the practice that I just want to cold turkey my regular meds and never go back. I hate them all right now. I'm going to make a complaint about that GP. I shouldn't be denied treatment.
