I honestly am so tired of life right now. Nobody even notices that something is wrong. I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of trying. I can't even think of a reason to live anymore. I don't know why I even keep going anymore.
:(
Ask me why I am still here and the answer you will get is simple..
Feeling suicidal again. I can't cope. I just can't.
I'm tired of trying to blend in, to pretend being happy when all I wanna do is crawl up in my bed and not wake up. I just wanna give up.
-- English is not my mother-tongue, so I apologize for any spelling/grammar mistake --
Thankyou Katie. I have a couple of friends i talk to (from work, much older)... but i think they're getting sick of me now so i dont want to push it. I dont have any professionals involved at the moment.
I watched one born every minute. What a stupid decision. 7 months married. I should be 7 months pregnant. So stupid.
I dont want to do this anymore.
I text a friend saying i'm really triggered. No reply yet. I dont want to be a pain but i dont know where else to turn. I'm so dizzy from trying to breathe deeply and calm down.
Shrink - [sorry, don't know you're real name]. Have you had professionals involved previously? I'm sorry you're feeling triggered - if your breathing's become short and sharp - try placing one hand on your abdomen and one on your chest - focus your mind on trying to get your breath to raise the hand on your abdomen not the one on your chest. Is there anything you can do to distract yourself from the triggers?
x Katie x
Its Lauren. Yeah. I overdosed in September and after that saw my GP, a CPN and a psychiatrist once a week until December when i got discharged for not 'engaging' (i didnt engage because the one time i really opened up they tried to section me).
Shrink- Just read you message, Hi Lauren :)... I'm sorry your struggling hun. Its good to talk. I think we often feel like we are being too much of a burden to others when we're actually not. Maybe mention how you are feeling to your older friends at work, they will probably reassure you and at the least you will know where you stand.
What katie was saying about breathing sounds great. I also find counting slowly to 4 when you breath in and out helps a little, try to just focus on breathing and making it regular. It can help to focus your mind and stop the panic.
I'm sorry they werent helpful, I know how scary it can be with professionals anyway, esp if they are being all 'section' orientated too. I know its for safety etc but its scary as hell. Would you consider trying services again?
Do you know why you took the OD?
Please dont run away- it doesnt help, believe me i know. x
Katie- Keep fighting lovely, we are all here fighting with you.
freakangel- How are you doing hun, thanks for the love and hugs.
Niniane- I know it can feel hard trying to blend in- but please dont feel like you have to pretend. Just be yourself and believe in a day better than this one. That is all that it takes to carry on. Keep talking. Keep hoping.
animalwatcher- Sending hugs. Do you know what has caused this? Are you seeking any professional help at the moment.
muchlove- Hugs tight. Any advance on meh?...
I just want everyone to remember that all you must do is believe in a day better than this one. If you keep that in your mind, there will always be hope for the future. xx
Last edited by getting_by : 16-01-2012 at 09:03 PM.
Reason: Extra bits to Laurens :)
Here's the day you hoped would never come,
Don't feed me violins, just run with me
through rows of speeding cars.
21 on the run, on the run, on the run
From myself, from myself and everyone
I better leave the light on
The darkness, The sweetness, The sadness, The weakness,
O, I need this
Hi, I'm Roli Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
Lauren - I'm sorry they discharged you. Do you think you would ever consider going back to your GP? I know it's hard when they talk about sectioning - they did after my last OD but sometimes it is for the best. What's making you want to run away?
The last few days i've discussed with the 2 friends i talk to about going back to my GP. I have an appointment on the 30th because my iron is low and when i went to give blood they told me to make one. But my friend said i should make one sooner and ask for help again. I dont know though. What if i mess it all up again? What if they hospitalise me? What if they dont think theres anything wrong? What if there isnt anything wrong? What if it makes things worse?
Lauren - I think it's good you've got an appointment. I don't think they'll not think there's anything wrong. Could you maybe write things down for them or something? I know how scary it is; my first appointment I barely said anything just passed over a letter to him.
x Katie x
~Grace~- Do you want to talk about whats going on for you at the moment hun? What has caused you to feel this way? x
freakangel- Well trying is a good start. What is helping you fight at the minute? x
diagnonsense- Glad you saw friends hun, even if it didnt distract you- sometimes nothing does. What are you trying to get away from with suicide hun? I dont blame you for not trusting them honey, but sometimes we have to hope that things may be different. They have let me down a lot, but I guess I know personally that it only takes one person to understand or to care and it could save my life. Why dont you try again.
Lauren- Pretty much what Katie said. Dont be stopped by what if's hun. What do you have to lose if you try again? You start with nothing, you leave with nothing. You have lost nothing. You can only gain.
Katie- you cant get rid of me that easily. I am trying bloody hard not to harm tonight- my left arm (I'm right handed) is covered in words and patterns and colours from all my permanent sharpie (makes me laugh that I like lots of sharp things and even my markers are sharp!) markers. I am writing all the things I feel, want to belive and hope for the future. I am hoping I wil beable to fight. But I'm growing tired of this battle.
I started with nothing and I still have most of it left.
Hugs to all xx
Here's the day you hoped would never come,
Don't feed me violins, just run with me
through rows of speeding cars.
21 on the run, on the run, on the run
From myself, from myself and everyone
I better leave the light on
The darkness, The sweetness, The sadness, The weakness,
O, I need this
Hi, I'm Roli Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
Lauren- Oh my area of expertise has just come up. YOu will probably already know all this but heres my two cents. Overdosing does not make people realise anything... trust me. It is just hell for everyone involved and is incredibly traumatic. It didn't make anything change my end except having to learn to walk in two days, a psych ward stay and a whole lot of awful memories. Did you end up in hospital last time you OD'ed? Please re consider xx
Katie- thank you sweetie. You too. Thinking of you so much right now. Sending strength xx just a pm away
Here's the day you hoped would never come,
Don't feed me violins, just run with me
through rows of speeding cars.
21 on the run, on the run, on the run
From myself, from myself and everyone
I better leave the light on
The darkness, The sweetness, The sadness, The weakness,
O, I need this
Hi, I'm Roli Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
Yeah. But only cause i did it before i went to work and told them, so they made me. It was only tiny. I only had to stay for bloods and to talk to the MH team and then they let me go. It would show people i'm serious.
Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
