The Honesty Box - Page 16

wildly insane · 20-07-2009, 02:13 PM

I want to want somebody who wants me for more than just sex
I wanted to crash my car today
I don't want to be me
I want to give up
But I can't
I am a failure

onthisfatefulday · 20-07-2009, 06:48 PM

I miss the way he treated me.
The rape and abuse was so much easier to deal with than real feelings...

shadow-light · 20-07-2009, 06:54 PM

last night I admitted this:

Quote:

Originally Posted by shadow-light

The following content has been hidden - Reason : you'll all hate me...

to my boyfriend...

now I really wish I hadn't... the lying and avoidence was easier, opening up scares me so much... I want to take it all back and hide it again

onthisfatefulday · 20-07-2009, 07:43 PM

*hugs shadow* I'm so sorry you've been keeping all that bottled up....I don't hate you, It's understandable why you didn't want the baby and It's also understandable why you felt you couldn't go to a doctor...
How did your boyfriend react when you told him?

effervescence · 21-07-2009, 11:28 AM

i miss my therapist. she was the best one i ever had. i wish she would come and visit me and stop caring so much about her other patients. I NEED HER MORE! and yes i know this is selfish.

i am so anxious, all the time. and then i am anxious about panicking. and i can't cope. but there is a 9 month waiting list to get help.

zowie · 22-07-2009, 06:06 AM

I'm a little scared about coming off the meds next week. What if it goes wrong and I end up like I was?

Eshi · 02-08-2009, 06:05 PM

I resent my baby.

I resent that she exists, and has taken away any dreams I ever had for myself. I hate every moment I spend looking after her. I spend too much time trying to make sure her father and I share her as equally as possible, not because I'm trying to be generous but because if I let myself decide what I really wanted arrangements to be like I think I would be constantly finding excuses to not turn up or to drop her off early. I worry too much about doing everything perfectly, and carrying on breastfeeding and co-sleeping and slinging it etc. because that way no one will suspect how I feel.

Every time someone at work asks me how motherhood is I would like to take my pen and stab them in the head and stab my arm so I get ink permanently stuck under the skin and bleed and until they scream and I get arrested or committed and don't have to go home and take care of her or see her or remember she exists ever again.

I look up adoptions, and wish there was a way I could give up being her mother, legally, but I can't figure out how and I don't know who to ask and I'd never have the guts to anyway.

slipping up again · 04-08-2009, 06:24 PM

*hugs* Eshi. sorry i dont have any words of comfort for you as i am struggling myself right now.

Its been a while since i've been on this forum.hope its ok to post, i just need to say whats on my mind.

i've been doing really well until recently.things are starting to get on top of me. i'm thinking all negative stuff. i want to restrict my food intake, i want to cut, i want to feel better. i'm not even sure whats wrong with me, i just know that i feel angry and sad and resentful, and i just want all these painful feelings to go away. i'm supposed to be recovering, so why do i have to feel so crappy.

Twisted Fate · 05-08-2009, 01:20 AM

I want to give up. Everything I ever put effort into disappears. Some days I don't want to be here. Somedays I don't care if I go back to cutting. Sometimes I want to destroy myself and do the worst damage to my body I possibly can. Nothing matters. I mess everything up and it’s my fault this time. It’s my fault for failing, for never being good enough. I’m sick of being me. When I finally think things are going great I end up losing everything I’ve worked for.

~Grace~ · 24-08-2009, 02:41 PM

I wish I understood and I wish they understood me

MammaMia · 26-08-2009, 06:46 PM

I cut instead of attempting to kill myself. Pathetic.

riley. · 27-08-2009, 06:20 PM

i'm terrified my dog won't make it through labour. she's my best friend

28-08-2009, 01:04 PM

not gonna be able to get through 2nite let alone the next week

Pomegranate · 28-08-2009, 03:24 PM

-I know I am making things worse for you and I'm sorry.

-I just searched my flat frantically looking for money for alcohol and pills just so I can do the damage I need to to stay alive and in control and keep the really bad stuff at bay. I found it and actually cried with relief.

~Grace~ · 08-09-2009, 08:02 PM

I really want to burn over my scars

Ds. · 08-09-2009, 11:48 PM

im going crazy for somone and its totally bad and but i cant help it, its my best friend and im also with someone else and friens with her gf

this is just so ****ed up, we just told eachother how we feel and now she is going away 4 2 weeks

riley. · 09-09-2009, 12:29 AM

i think i want to stop fighting everything and just give in

MammaMia · 09-09-2009, 01:48 AM

I want to make a thread asking for support but I'm too scared?

mybigcomedownnn · 09-09-2009, 05:03 PM

im no longer in contact with my father because my family wouldnt let me go on holiday with him. they said they thought he might rape me. and now hes stalking me.

Mrs Sam · 09-09-2009, 06:44 PM

I feel guilty for getting support and help from people. I wish they would give up on me because then i could finally, completely give up on myself.