A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. When the neutron gets his drink, he asks, "Bartender, how much do I owe you?"
The bartender replies, "For you, neutron, no charge."
Boo Rob, just boo.
Well it breaks my heart to see you this way,
The beauty in life, where's it gone?
And somebody told me you were doing okay,
Somehow I guess they were wrong.
A neutrino joins the other particles, looking very down in the mouth.
“What’s up with you?” asks the neutron.
The neutrino sighs and says, “I’ve just been kicked out of church.”
Shocked the others demand, “Whatever for?!”
“Apparently,” replies the neutrino, “I’m not supposed to have mass!”
Two quarks walk into the bar.
One says to the bar tender, “I’ll have a double bourbon, straight, and my bitch here’ll have his usual Miller Lite!” and slaps the other quark hard on the ass.
The neutron leans over to the protons and whispers, “No need to guess who’s the top and who’s the bottom there then!”
At another bar across town, the barman is amazed when an electron, a positron, 3 neutrinos, 6 quarks, a proton and a neutron walk in.
“Where did you all come from?!” asks the barman.
“We just drove across town.” says one of the particles with a shrug.
“Drove?!” gasps the barman, “you must have a pretty big car!”
“Nah,” says the particle, “just the standard model.”
A young electron walks into a strip joint, pays the door price and takes a seat near the stage.
Not a minute too soon, because just then a lovely young girl steps into the spotlight, wearing a smile and an outfit resembling two yards of dental-floss, and starts to gyrate wildly.
Immediately, the electron leaps three foot into the air and stays there.
A guy at the next table looks up at the hovering electron and asks, “How the f*** do you do that?!”
And the electron replies, “I’m excited!”
Just then, the electron’s father appears (having followed his errant son).
He grabs electron Jr. and drags him back down again growling, “Now, you’re grounded!”
A quark walks into a bar and asks the barman for a large scotch.
After the barman has brought him his drink, the quark asks “Could you put a fish in that?”
“Did you say ‘fish’?!” asks the barman, astounded.
“Yeah. A herring if you’ve got one,” the quark adds, “but any fish will do.”
As the barman hunts under the bar for a tin of sardines, some anchovies or whatever he can’t help commenting, “I don’t think anyone has ever asked me for a fish in their scotch before.”
The quark shrugs, “I’m strange.”
Planck’s constant walks into a diner, and asks for a slice of pie.
“Sure.” says the waitress, “Would you like apple pie, or blueberry pie?”
“Apple.” says Planck’s constant, “No, blueberry! ... No, no, definitely apple! ... Or maybe blueberry? ... Yeah, blueberry it is! ... Um, no apple actually!”
This goes on for several minutes until eventually the waitress kicks him out into the street, adding, “And don’t come back.”
The speed of light, who just happened to be passing, helps Planck’s constant to its feet and asks, “What happened?”
“Well, I was divided by two pies,” he explains, “and now I’m barred!”
Bonus points to anyone who gets that one :p
Last edited by Ratatouille strychnine : 12-11-2008 at 06:27 AM.
It's Planck's constant, and that is a HORRIBLE joke.
Well it breaks my heart to see you this way,
The beauty in life, where's it gone?
And somebody told me you were doing okay,
Somehow I guess they were wrong.
Well it breaks my heart to see you this way,
The beauty in life, where's it gone?
And somebody told me you were doing okay,
Somehow I guess they were wrong.
Jess, the particle physics ones are really terrible, be glad you don't get them. They are the type of jokes you don't laugh at, you just shake your head and do a *facepalm* when you hear them.
Well it breaks my heart to see you this way,
The beauty in life, where's it gone?
And somebody told me you were doing okay,
Somehow I guess they were wrong.
Well it breaks my heart to see you this way,
The beauty in life, where's it gone?
And somebody told me you were doing okay,
Somehow I guess they were wrong.
FSM that really is a terrible joke......hehehe, I'm going to have to remember that one....
Well it breaks my heart to see you this way,
The beauty in life, where's it gone?
And somebody told me you were doing okay,
Somehow I guess they were wrong.
Well it breaks my heart to see you this way,
The beauty in life, where's it gone?
And somebody told me you were doing okay,
Somehow I guess they were wrong.
