She was dreaming. She remembered that Christmas, lying there on the hospital bed provided to her with her father beside her. Lying there then felt similar to lying where she was now, only less painful. The nurses came in every so often to check on her dad, similarly as she could hear them doing for her. The heart monitor beside her beeped rhythmically to the pulse of her heart, just like it had to his.
The outside world seemed far away although she could hear it spinning around her, tilted on its axis as any other day. She could hear her heart; hear the subtle sounds of her breathing and the notes silently written on clipboards. She felt as if she had been covered in cement, unable to move any part of her. Her limbs lay dead on the sheets and her eyes remained closed. She was physically there, but no part of her being inhabited that room, aside from the slowing beat of her heart…
"Be nice. Think happy thoughts. Champion silver linings. Love all things (not just cute things like babies and kittens) & when you do love - love like they do in power ballads (you know like on a cliff with the wind in your hair and your eyes shut, knowing you'll never know love like this). Watch out for dog poo. Smile at people - even grumpy ones. Remember anything is possible & whatever you do always try to look on the bright side."
StillBroken is my cool lil sis!!! - surprising mystery is my uber-cool monkey!!!zowie is my lil sis !!!!- LetDeathEmbraceUs is my Wolfie !!!
BrokenKisses is my DizzyCandyFloss !!! rachel487 is my lil sis !!! nuttergirl is my kool neice !!! CrazyKat is my book buddie !!!
NO MATTER HOW BAD YOU FEEL - ONE NICE PM TO SOMEONE NEW A DAY HELPS!!! TRY IT!!!
“The good things don’t always soften the bad, but vice-versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”
“Nobody important? Blimey, that’s amazing. Do you know, in nine hundred years of time and space I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important before.”
“If it’s time to go, remember what you’re leaving. Remember the best. My friends have always been the best of me.”
Thankyou for following guys.. it really does mean a lot. X
Potential trigger in this part.
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December 25th 2001
11:04
Watching her father’s steady breathing, along with the half hearted beat of the monitor he was connected to, was enough to drive any child crazy. It was Christmas day and, unlike her friends, she was sitting on a crowded hospital ward, with only the slow shallow breaths of her father to interact with.
People came and went throughout the day, some talking generically to her, some ignoring her presence completely. She made stories up for the people around her in the other beds; the woman lying beside her father was an old widow who’d murdered her husband for the life insurance but was never caught, the man opposite, a drug dealer on the side who’d acquired his broken leg in a raid - from which he had to jump out of a window to avoid being caught. Visitors came for everyone around the ward; some with presents, some with food; she could smell the leftover roasts from beds away, but no one came for her. And as the afternoon drew on, her anger towards her father grew and grew and the upset of having no mother there to wish her a Merry Christmas contorted her stomach again and again.
Rising from her chair she felt for the phone inside her pocket, her comfort in more ways than one, and made her way slowly to the toilets across the hall from the ward. Locking the door behind her she drew the jumper up from her wrist to her elbow, her forearm already littered with small but clear white and pink scars, ‘not good enough’ she thought. And retrieving the small blade from its’ home, she drew it slowly and calmly across the landscape of her wrist. The relief she felt was powerful, the pain intense, as she drew the blade again and again across her skin, not caring for scars, not feeling the pain. She watched the blood drip over the sides of her slight arm onto the floor and drew herself out of her trance; ‘not now’. Using the tissue to wipe herself up, she washed her arm under the cold water and attached a wad of it to her limb, with a tie she’d salvaged from her tangle of hair. Then, being sure to pull her jumper down the full way, she made her way back to her father’s bed side.
On arriving back she settled herself back into her chair and watched her father’s chest rise and fall. His hair was thinning and his face was tired. His greying complexion showed all the signs of an ageing man, too aged for his number of years. She watched him and saw sadness radiating from him, she saw cowardice and grief, all wrapped up in one man’s world. One man who seemed incapable of opening that world up again to let her back in…
Last edited by Tears and Rain : 19-09-2008 at 04:31 PM.
"Be nice. Think happy thoughts. Champion silver linings. Love all things (not just cute things like babies and kittens) & when you do love - love like they do in power ballads (you know like on a cliff with the wind in your hair and your eyes shut, knowing you'll never know love like this). Watch out for dog poo. Smile at people - even grumpy ones. Remember anything is possible & whatever you do always try to look on the bright side."
You have such a way with words it fantastic - can't wait for more huni! x x x
StillBroken is my cool lil sis!!! - surprising mystery is my uber-cool monkey!!!zowie is my lil sis !!!!- LetDeathEmbraceUs is my Wolfie !!!
BrokenKisses is my DizzyCandyFloss !!! rachel487 is my lil sis !!! nuttergirl is my kool neice !!! CrazyKat is my book buddie !!!
NO MATTER HOW BAD YOU FEEL - ONE NICE PM TO SOMEONE NEW A DAY HELPS!!! TRY IT!!!
"People have abused you lots in the past? Why do you then abuse yourself more?" - Quote
Sometimes I feel like I'm alone, Sometimes I feel like I'm not that strong, Sometimes I feel nothing at all, Sometimes I feel vulnerable, Sometimes I feel a little fragile
