I think things are improving. Maybe they will discharge me next week? Do I still want to cut out the implant? Fr RJ says I'm not Evil and he's the expert. That must mean I'm not put here by the Organisation so there's no implant either. Can I believe that?
Even if the Organisation does exist, and did put an implant in my neck, they're cunning enough to have done it where I can't get it.
The voices have gone since the meds increase, suggesting they were caused by a chemical imbalance.
I had a very odd ward rounds. She asked me why I'm not trying harder to cut out the implant on the ward. Um, because I've tried everything that presents itself to me and it didn't work? I told her I would be safe out with staff or family but she didn't believe me so that's another week without leave. I told her sometimes my beliefs were wavering but she didn't believe that either because I couldn't explain why. I suggested it might be the meds increase but she didn't seem convinced. I told her I'm too tired to make a big effort to get off the ward or anything like that.
That doesn't sound very supportive or helpful of her. Was anything new put in place or anything about moving on from here? Is it physical tiredness or mental tiredness you're feeling or both?
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
No changes to meds. She said to tell staff whenever I get anxious. She's also referring me to the employment person because I said I'd like to volunteer when I get out of here. It's a physical and mental tiredness.
How do you feel about her suggestions? What kind of volunteering would you like to do? That would be good for you I think. It's hard when you feel so exhausted, you've been going though a lot so it's not surprising you feel that way. Plus general not as good sleep on the ward.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
Has anything happened that might have made the thoughts more prominent and repetitive? It's definitely best to be honest, you have advised people of this before.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
We've got a meeting to discuss my after care on Thursday, seems a bit odd when I'm still not even allowed escorted leave. Hopefully this means they're going to give me leave! I think I would be safe on escorted leave.
