Contains sexual abuse - The Bubble - Page 16

fallen wings44 · 13-02-2016, 06:32 PM

You are so awesome OK?

Charmed · 13-02-2016, 09:33 PM

Sorry everyone is struggling so much *cuddles*

I'm struggling with seeing him and feeling him. I can't escape the memories. I can see him; my friend says this isn't normal, even within PTSD she says it's not normal, that I shouldn't be seeing things. I'm scared. I thought it was okay, I thought it was 'normal'. I don't know what's real anymore.

Uglyducklin · 13-02-2016, 11:50 PM

Hugs Charmed . I see distressing images all the time I have to work extremely hard to filter them out when other sensations kick in I find the flashbacks become more immersive rather than just watched. Do you mean it that it is like seeing an image or you see him in "real life" ? Us your team aware of this?

I just feel so lost in the disgust. This evening I feel out of emotions totally numb and dead.

Ballerina123 · 14-02-2016, 03:14 PM

Sometimes memories can be so vivid.
I feel the feelings again.
I can't ground myself

Uglyducklin · 14-02-2016, 06:54 PM

Hugs I'm so sorry I don't have anything to suggest. I get that it feels like reality falls away. I'm so tired I can't handle seeing the horror and feeling so close to losing my ****. I want to destroy my fat body and silence the screaming in my head!

Charmed · 14-02-2016, 10:57 PM

Thanks Jessie. I'm sorry you're struggling so much *cuddles* just so you now you're not fat lovely you're beautiful and you deserve to be cared for and to be happy. My flashbacks are quite intrusive and I can feel him sometimes. And I mean that I can see him in real life, like he's there, it started as just him watching but now he talks. I'm really scared. Is this normal? My team
Don't know no.

Cuddles for all

OmegaWolf86 · 15-02-2016, 01:13 PM

Wow Charmed that's very scary. I have really vivid flashbacks to things I endured (I've been r***d two times not counting what I posted here a few weeks ago) but never actually seeing him do you have a therapist or counselor you can talk to?

OmegaWolf86 · 15-02-2016, 01:17 PM

Ugly (not ugly!) duckling you are not fat hun. That's what the abusers in your life want you to think and its simply not true. Just another of their lies. Everyone is beautiful in their own way and manner.

Ballerina hugs. I'm sorry your feeling the way you are. Ive just had a bunch of repressed memory stuff comes back and I'm in the same boat. Sending healing your way.

Uglyducklin · 15-02-2016, 06:00 PM

I just finished therapy . I don't even feel human I am a fat freak . I'm scared my therapist will give up on me and feel so worthless. I feel so lost I never want to pollute my body again but my mum expects me to have a smoothie later. I can't stand this . It's slipping away and I didn't even realise .

Uglyducklin · 26-02-2016, 06:54 PM

I'm sorry to post again it just hurts. I'm suffocated by my fat body that is not mine. I'm flooded by the memories. I have cried myself to sleep three times . I feel so lost.

Uglyducklin · 02-03-2016, 07:29 PM

I can't cope it hurts. I'm too big. I need to escape.

Uglyducklin · 04-03-2016, 08:31 PM

I'm sorry to post again I'm overtaken by the fat on my body . The images are awful. I need to run .

Uglyducklin · 08-03-2016, 11:10 PM

Hugs Clarity thinking of you. I'm just a mess I keep dissociating and losing it. I have all kinds of destructive thoughts and plans in my head. I need to destroy my body it doesn't feel like mine. I'm so lost and so afraid.

Uglyducklin · 21-03-2016, 01:28 PM

I hate myself. I am fat dirty and a monster. I'm utterly unworthy of anyone's' time. I have fallen out with everyone nobody knows what to do. Ian caught between the trauma and my eating disorder. My eating disorders nurses' last words to me were your fine your mum and your job are protective factors for you. The way I feel right now I wouldn't bet your house or your car on it staying that way. I deserve nothing.

Charmed · 27-03-2016, 09:39 PM

*gentle cuddles* Jessie I'm sorry you're struggling so much, I have little words but am thinking of you <3

I'm home for 2 days out of necessity and it's really hard, the memories feel really real and I'm scared about how I'm going to come round after a nightmare. Sorry.

Uglyducklin · 28-03-2016, 12:32 PM

Thinking of you Charmed that must be incredibly hard. I hope you find some way of keeping safe. I'm just holding out until the 15th when we are in the house then falling apart will bother my mum less. I don't know if I can do it. I so powerfully wish there was no fat or anything of me left.

Uglyducklin · 13-04-2016, 01:27 PM

I hate myself I drowning in this ! I'm fat and hideous and I should be able to cope . I am wrong to reach out and ashamed of urges and thoughts and plans! I wish I could cope but I can't :(

Alysskea · 26-04-2016, 01:04 PM

Thanks for making this thread.
I am struggling a lot dealing with abuse that happened to me as a child.
Switching from dissociation/detachment to full on flashbacks and everything being too much.
I still can't shake the feeling that 8 years wasn't that long, that I should suck it up, that I should be able to deal with it.
But I just can't really do that at the moment.
Am here for you all, you're all so, so important <3

DestroyMe · 03-06-2016, 03:16 AM

*curls up under a blanket*

Uglyducklin · 03-06-2016, 11:17 AM

What's up DestroyMe? I just feel so low and numb and dead . I'm in pain physically and it is making the overdose thoughts harder to cope with. Everything feels so out of control I'm getting thoughts of running too. I hate myself for not managing .