It's been awhile since I've had the guts to log on here. Like everyone else, I have my good days and bad. Lately, they've all been bad. Nothing seems worthwhile anymore. I'm ready to just give up. I'm so tired. :'(
Not sure why things are getting worse. I can just tell you that they are. I'm spending more and more time locked away in my room. I'm doing bad things. The thoughts are relentless. I haven't even opened my bedroom door today. My mum thinks I'm doing well and I don't have the heart to tell her otherwise. Not after last time. She gets so upset and angry. She doesn't understand at all. My Dr is seeing me weekly at the moment, but that doesn't seem to help either. My dietician sees me as often as she can, and the team are trying to find me a new psychologist. But nothing seems to help.
Things sound really tough and I know this is easier said than done when your feeling that low but isolating yourself away from everyone is not going to help. Isolating ourselves only makes us feel worse. If seeing the doctor isn't helping, what do you think could help you at the moment? Keep fighting, you will get through this
"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."
Nothing and no one can help me now. The darkness is impenetrable. I've gone beyond their reach. I'm lost. I can't leave my room, I haven't the strength to wear my mask and I can't let them see the real me. I just can't.
I don't believe anyone is ever beyond reach of help. I know how hard it can be to see when your in such a dark place as I have been there but things can change. However sometimes we need to take that leap of faith and take steps to help ourselves too while those around us support us.
"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."
Forever alone - if you can't 'face' people what about ringing someone? I have found the Samaritans absolutely great - they just listen, don't judge and are anonymous and confidential. Their number is: 08457 90 90 90 or you can email them: jo@samaritans.org.
You are not alone and you know that you have us too! Hugs.
Well. I had quite a good morning - went out to a coffee shop and read the newspaper - but then saw (in passing) and separately two of my colleagues and one of our clients. Ended up feeling very shaky and back in a 'high', talkative, 'twitchy' state.
Feel better after a couple of clonazepam and sleeping all afternoon with the dog but know that I'll have trouble sleeping tonight now.
Hope everyone's ok.
Kat - thank you so much for your advice and support last night. It was greatly appreciated. I hope I can repay the favour somehow, oneday.
I'm very tired this morning after only two hours sleep, but am pleased to say I'm out of my room.
K8EB - thank you for the details for the Samaritans. Is that an American organisation? I live in Australia. I did take your advice though and rang my local mental health line. The put me through to the suicide call back service. It wasn't anonymous, but it was very helpful. So thankyou!
I'm sorry to hear that your morning ended up the way it did. It sounds like you handled it ok considering though. Did the afternoon nap help?
HI Katie - the Samaritans is a British organisation which is completely anonymous and confidential. I'm glad that you got some help. I've often rung and have even called in to their centres sometimes too. They are always there. Glad you've ventrued out of your room too. There are times when I want to lock myself in my bedroom, close the curtains and never go out again!
Kat - a nap always helps! I've gone through periods of not sleeping at all for over a week and its nearly broken me. With the right meds I now sleep 8-9 hours.
Hey Heaven! Hope you're okay too!
Feeling okay this morning - although the days barely started and its Sunday which I always have trouble getting through. Good book on the go and a couple of things on the radio that I want to listen to and a trip to the coffee shop with yesterday's newspapers that I was too agitated to read should see me though.
Hope you guys have a good day/afternoon/evening/night too - Only just realised that there are people from all over the world here!
Last edited by K8EB : 10-03-2013 at 07:48 AM.
Reason: Typo
Katie you are more than welcome anytime. I am glad you were able to call someone and that you found it helpful. If you ring lifeline I am pretty sure they are annonymous. There is also suicideline. Well done for getting out of your room too. How are you feeling today?
Heaven how are you?
Fran at least your starting off the day feeling good so that's always a positive. It sounds like you have a few good things planned to help you get through too which is great. What book are you reading?
"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."
Kat - I'm not feeling much better today, although I managed to stay out of my room for a few hours which is great! Didn't talk to anyone though. Went for a long ride on my horse which is always helpful. How are you doing today?
Fran - what book are you reading? I love to read. It helps to immerse myself in another world and imagine what it would be like if it were my world. Do you have a favourite author?
Hey guys,
sorry i havent been around much. Been really struggling with thoughts and urges. I was forced to go to A&E on friday and from there the psych and the cpn onduty wanted me in hospital and nearly did a mha but luckily the onduty psych consultant felt that working with HTT in the community would be better. Thing is that the urges and thoughts havent gone down and things are still really bad. Just could do with some support right now.
I think it started by the uni interview I had on Tuesday where they said i had no idea what mh is or what a mh nurse does and that Im only doing this as i dont know what to do with my life which was bullshit. I dont know. I have strong urges to OD but i know i will either end up in general as my liver isnt coping or i dont know but i have another interview for a uni i really do want to go to on wednesday but mentally I dont feel up to it... I dont know what to do.
Sorry for not helping much and suddenly need all the help! x
Ballerina123 - My lovely superstar
Call me R -
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time - Abraham Lincoln
