*hugs Oliver* .
Im not doing too great. I just wanted to be a 'normal' person whose mental health doesnt affect what they do and I failed. I failed at even attending a mental health event where they were focusing on recovery. I failed at being normal and not letting voices and visions and flashbacks get in the way. They are having a field day with me right now because I have failed with everything and now Im feeling like i cant do anything at all.
Im really nervous about see H(CPN) tomorrow with the HTT consultant. I know im not going to be safe on thursday. Its the day that will make it a year. I really have the urges to end it all and finish everything and thats what the voices are saying is well.
Ballerina123 - My lovely superstar
Call me R -
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time - Abraham Lincoln
Hi all, I don't post in this thread as much as I used to because I am in hospital and have limited access to my phone/internet. It was 2 years ago that my friend committed suicide. It doesn't get any easier with time. I have really struggled today. So far I've not self-harmed and I'm going to try my best to keep it together.
How is everyone else?
When life gets you down do you know what you've gotta do?
Just thought id drop in. My bloods came back ok & I left a&e this morning & went to day hosp but have now ended back up at the psych hospital. Hopefully its just for this evening though thats what they told me. I am actually feeling a lot safer & more controlled here & that has improved my mood so im sort of ok atm. Thankyou *hugs all*
Cheryl I hope they give you something to help you sleep & you get some sleep soon...
Mark im glad your internet is working!
Kat I hope you feel a bit better soon..
Tinkles im sorry you're having such a hard time :( but please try not to harm yourself you dont deserve anything like that & we are all normal ppl just sometimes behave/think in negative ways & it makes us feel crap, but with meds & support I hope you can eventually find ways to manage how you fee & get rid of those nasty voices *hugs*
Razor im sorry your having a tough time today. im really glad you've managed not to self harm though..
Oliver I hope you're alright *hugs*
Im handing out a lot of hugs atm! Haha.
I told the dr loads of stuff ive never said to anyone before ever. I think im finally starting to open up & it actually feels ok right now.
Not sure if ill get to speak to you again cuz I came in literally what I was wearing but they said they may have a phone charger I could borrow so I hope so cuz my battery is low.
*big hugs*> Rupi sweetheart I'm so sorry you feel that way. You did not fail. Not going to an event is not failure. There will be other events. You need to take it slow, pause and breathe. I'm saying it again-you did NOT fail with anything. You are an amazing friend and such a caring wonderful person, the people around you are lucky to have you in their lives. I'm very very glad that you are my friend <3
Good luck for tomorrow I'm sure it'll be fine.
And about thursday, have you spoken to anyone irl about it? Like H or your bf or a close friend? Is there someone who can stay with you that day?
xoxo
Jo, stay strong. I am so sorry for the loss of your friend. Remember the beautiful moments you spent together, for those are the ones that we should be thinking of, you know what I mean right :)
Stay safe x
*hugs Mark*
*huggles Magpie* Hope you'll be coming back here soon :) You are a great supportive person and we'll miss you. I also hope that you find hospital helpful(you're in hospital right, did I get it all wrong? :S:)) )
sorry so many of you are struggling. I've tried to read through most of it, but I'm struggling at the moment, so sorry for lack of replies.
I HATE the inappropriate and intense anger that comes with EUPD. Completely flipped at LGBT youth group over a quiz. I'm also feeling quite suicidal, no fixed plan or havn't brought any pills, but I felt like doing something when I quickly went into college to check something before youth group. I was doing a little better in the case that I wasn't suicidal, now it has hit me again hard.
"Never be a spectator of unfairness or studpidity. The grave will supply plenty of time for silence." Christopher Hitchens
'When words fail, music speaks'
I am transsexual and homoromantic and proud to be.
Jo- sorry things are so rough for you today and that its been a 2years that your friend died :; *hugs*. How are you doing?(probably a silly question).
Magpie- I'm glad you are safe. Hopefully you can go home soon if not already home.
Oliver- sorry your struggling with the anger. A emotion I'm very familiar with that comes with our beautiful diagnosis :/. How are you feeling now?
Gem- what happened tonight? Are you okay? Are you able to tell your support worker tomorrow?
Lucy- thank you so much for the kind words and always being there for me. Even when I'm like this :(. Yep H does know that Thursday is Thursday. I
'm really suicidal. My boyfriend is coming over to mine tomorrow and staying with me until Friday. I don't know if I'm going to be able to hold it together. I haven't felt this low for a while now. I've felt suicidal but not low. But now I'm suicidal and low with voices and the midget. Great combo. I couldn't take my meds today because they told me not to so now I'm suffering from not being able to sleep ( which is probably withdrawal symptoms). I'm scared to see h and the consultant tomorrow. I can't really say much to them because there cameras in the room where you talk, I can't talk to them on the phone either as all electrical devices I have and will be in contact with have been tapped by the government. I failed there mission to solve to the codes and now I will pay the price on Thursday. I feel and am really unsafe that's Why my boyfriend is coming to stay even those he has an exam on Friday. How selfish am I making him come to look after me as I'm a selfish ****?
Ballerina123 - My lovely superstar
Call me R -
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time - Abraham Lincoln
you are not selfish tinkles, I'm glad he is coming to stay with you. Good luck tomorrow seeing H and the consultant. Maybe you can do something nice on thursday with your bf. I know it is hard with the voices and everything which is going on, but you deserve to treat yourself.
I'm even more angry now over a thread on here! talking to molly though is keeping me distracted
"Never be a spectator of unfairness or studpidity. The grave will supply plenty of time for silence." Christopher Hitchens
'When words fail, music speaks'
I am transsexual and homoromantic and proud to be.
Let me guess the thread... Hmm this is really hard... The BPD for nice people started by a person that seems to really like us. Glad Molly is helping you :).
Is voices and seeing things normally like for when your more energetic or can you have it when your really depressed? X
Ballerina123 - My lovely superstar
Call me R -
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time - Abraham Lincoln
for me I tend to get voices and paranoia when I have very intense feelings, like really bad depression, or am manic, or seriously angry. If the feelings aren't very intense then I don't tend to get the voices and paranoia so much.
"Never be a spectator of unfairness or studpidity. The grave will supply plenty of time for silence." Christopher Hitchens
'When words fail, music speaks'
I am transsexual and homoromantic and proud to be.
Ahh. Hmm, I have very stressed about Thursday. Hopefully it's only brief and will hopefully be gone as soon as my stress has lifted. Don't think I can cope with this for too much longer :(.
Ballerina123 - My lovely superstar
Call me R -
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time - Abraham Lincoln
Hope you managed to get some sleep I'm the end Oliver!!! *hugs*. Thank you for keeping me company last night.
Hope everyone else slept well and got some nice things planned for today. Sending good vibes and lots of *hugs*.
Maria- I hope they let you go home last night and you managed to stay safe! Take care love!
Got driving very soon and I don't think I'm off for the lesson. It's a mock test and right now all I want to do Is cancel but then he will charge me :(. Straight after I see H and the consultant. Wish me luck and hopefully they will do something but I'm predicting not hahha. I can see it now... They will give me a lecture that the medication isn't poison and that I have to keep taking it and make it from normal to XL! And then send me on way regardless of how suicidal I am and tell me to man up and who cares if I end up ODing tomorrow as its nothing new!
Ballerina123 - My lovely superstar
Call me R -
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time - Abraham Lincoln
Aww no I dont think they will say that tinkles - firstly, it would be incredibly unprofessional of them, and also they know you & care so they wouldn't do something to purposefully make you feel horrible. I think sometimes when we feel crap we interpret what people are saying in a negative way and only hear what we tell ourselves in our head. Maybe before you go you could think about what the aims of the session are & then afterwards you can evaluate whether those aims have been met, e.g. The aim is to get support/come up with a plan for tomorrow. Also maybe you could help them help you by telling them what you think they could do to help. E.g. If you really dont think you're going to be safe tomorrow then in your plan maybe you could suggest hospital admission as a worst case scenario and see what they say.
I hope your meeting goes ok & you can concentrate on your mock ok :)
Im still in hosp, I think im leaving tomorrow now. I got confused with the plan and thought I was going out to willow view today but turns out I have to stay in hosp until I think ill be ok going home at 3 from willow view.
I just find it so draining being here sometimes. Im paranoid the nurses hate me and it takes ages to get anything done.
I can't decide if I should just self discharge but I spoke to my keyworker at willow view (the day hosp) and she said dont do that because then it may just be a repeat of yesterday & I end up getting admitted again. I just find it so hard to imagine how ill feel if I go home though im not very good at predicting things.
Hope you've managed to calm down a bit today Oliver.
Take care everyone.
Oh PS, they had a spare charger so managed to get my phone charged at least.
Yay to then having a spare charger :). Do you know why you took the OD? Like you said to me is there anyway you could talk to them and put things in place to be safe? Do you live with anyone? Is this only a respite admission at the moment.
I really don't want to go into hospital. I have only had one admission before and that was sooooo scary. Tbh it was so horrible that it made me worse inside then out in the community so my CPN won't even consider hospital again even if I'm unsafe. I don't know. My bf thinks that's the only way that will keep me safe tomorrow :(. I don't know. I will try and tell them.
Ballerina123 - My lovely superstar
Call me R -
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time - Abraham Lincoln
