Hunny i know how you feel, when i had my appointment a few weeks ago i was so upset i couldn't even drive my car.
I know it;s hard waiting but what else can we do.
im always here for you hunny dont forget that!
xx
" my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never, never leave you during your times of trials and suffering. When you see only one set of footprints it was then that I carried you" you were carried out of are lifes into the next and when its my time to leave this life I know i will be carried into the next life with you.
I wish i had my world complete again.
'Can we protend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars, i could really use a wish right now' BoB
thats great that you haven't cut in a while hunny and your doing well.
I understand you being scared but do you think it will do you good?
xx
" my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never, never leave you during your times of trials and suffering. When you see only one set of footprints it was then that I carried you" you were carried out of are lifes into the next and when its my time to leave this life I know i will be carried into the next life with you.
I wish i had my world complete again.
'Can we protend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars, i could really use a wish right now' BoB
well being off the prozac will make me less tired at least. I just dont want my moods to spiral out of control again. Expecially now that im not going to therapy
your tears dont fall they crash around me- bullet for my valentine.
Hey Ferretmonster, I am on meds. I have an ad (but that was due to an episode of depression, which was not my bpd). I am also on an AP - Quetiapine. My night dose helps me sleep but I also have prn to help calm me down. However, right now my anxiety is through the roof and I feel as though I need something additional right now and I am going to ask the gp today. Fingers crossed as the voices are doing my head in and the anxiety just seems to be getting worse and if there is no possiblility calming it down, I am going to have to od to drown it all out for a while. Argh.
There's a really good book called The Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide. It explains what bpd is and the treatment options including theories and the pros/cons of meds such as ADs, APs and mood stabilisers for people with bpd. Maybe you could get hold of a copy.
I'm not saying everyone should have meds but there are other people on meds in this thread and others that aren't. I know someone on ryl who had to argue with her psych to get meds to help stabilise her moods and he said that there aren't meds for bpd. I know what he is saying in that bpd cannot be "cured" by meds however they can help stabilise moods to make therapy etc more useful or safer.
Sorry, didn't mean for my reply to be so long.
"Everything is possible through Christ, who gives me strength". Phillipians 4:13
im on meds for my depression and used to be on mood stabalisers but they dont work. i get annoyed coz the professions wont listen when i tell them my meds make no difference.
hows everyone today
A tyrant spell has bound me And I cannot, cannot go
-
Emily Bronte
i hate to say that they way the system works is awful. It seems to be if you say you need help and are struggling you have to wait between a few weeks and a few years. But if you go up to them and say that you are going to kill yourself then you get help straight away.
"Its not how long a star shines, what is remembered is the brightness of the light"
System certainly does suck, in the past I have had to wait months for support. About this time last year I went to see my CPN (who I was pretty close too) at the tme my pysch had just moved and so that was changing, she gave me two months notice to adjust to the idea.
My CPN says to me, oh btw I am leaving and I am like feeling crushed but like, ok when and she was like this is our last appt and I was likeWhat the hell you mean, and she said she had known for months but just couldn't break it to me, I felt so abandoned by everyone. I don't normally get emotional at my meetings, one of the only times I started crying, it was so pathetic- but it was about 2 months before I got seen by my current cpn, was so ridiculous.
I have an appt with my CPN at 2 today. I am contemplating going into some of that stuff discussed a few pages back, got an hour to think about it I guess.
I know she can prescribe me nothing, but I have been a lot more anxious since my crash last Friday and not sleeping great even with the quetiapine, so I will mention that but doubt she can do nothing, dont see my pysch for a few weeks.
Something has changed within me, something is not the same, I'm through with playing by the rules of someone elses game. Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep, its time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap....
Somethings I cannot change, but till I try I'll never know...
***
Big hugs to all my friends on here, thanks for your constant support - love you guys
Appt with gp is at 4:10pm and I am sat here trying to calm myself down enough that I can get out the house to go. I don't even know why my anxiety has been bad this past 2 weeks but the worse it gets the worse the voices get and the worse the anxiety gets, bloody circle.
"Everything is possible through Christ, who gives me strength". Phillipians 4:13
Hope your appt goes okay hun, I handed my cpn the stuff I'd written when I lft, felt a bit intimidated today coz there was a student there and I am convinced she is one of my best friends uni pals, my best friend carri is studying mental health nursing.......ahhh I dunno, well have more to add after the next time I see her and i can try and go into ome of the stuff thats really bothering me...
My CPN thinks I am doing well making good progress, not gambling as much, drinking etc etc, and I am managing work and trying to study as well as losing weight, so she thinks I am doing well and I am better but sometimes I think she thinks I am better than I am, I dunno does that make sense, I am trying to hold it together and I never seem to fall apart when I'm at an appt.......sometimes I wish I could be more emotional.
Next appt in a few weeks but it will be a bit of a diffcult one I guess, as I try to understand some stuff.
Acht, confused and ranting, hope everyone is good xxxx
Something has changed within me, something is not the same, I'm through with playing by the rules of someone elses game. Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep, its time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap....
Somethings I cannot change, but till I try I'll never know...
***
Big hugs to all my friends on here, thanks for your constant support - love you guys
hollz - thats good any progress is good progress. dont try and prove her wrong by subconciously letting things slip. maybe your being too hard on yourself? how would she benefit from saying your better than you are.
-
Therapy was a totaly waste of time today. i was explaining my highs and she went oh so you were manic and i was like yeh ok then and thats about as much as she had to say about the fact that by highs have got 100000 times longer and she said i shouldnt have cut.
wow what a lot of ****ing use.
A tyrant spell has bound me And I cannot, cannot go
-
Emily Bronte
I know she wouldn't benefit, I just feel like I am holding stuff back, well I have been and the stuff I have written down well it well help to bridge that gap, and yeah I am a lot bettr than say this time last year, and progress is progress, I am learning to run again you know (metaphorically speaking.)
Oh well, onwards and upwards.
Something has changed within me, something is not the same, I'm through with playing by the rules of someone elses game. Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep, its time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap....
Somethings I cannot change, but till I try I'll never know...
***
Big hugs to all my friends on here, thanks for your constant support - love you guys
well its good that you can see you are making some progress. and she can only judge the info you've given her. Bridging the gap is a good thing :) its almost like a compromise.
A tyrant spell has bound me And I cannot, cannot go
-
Emily Bronte
Left, if you are concerned about your highs getting longer etc, maybe you should see your dr about it as your therapist probably can't do anything other than tell your dr or tell you to see your dr.
I managed to get to the drs. He prescribed me a beta blocker as it is less open to abuse than a benzo. Apparently it will help with the racing heart, shaking etc and help calm me.
I stopped off at the chemist on the way back to get my meds and it made me realise how bloody many I seem to take these days. I asked the dr and he said if I don't feel the need for the beta blockers once this period of anxiety I can stop them. I'm glad b/c I don't like to be reliant on meds.
I just need to pack some clothes etc and then I am going to get the train to go and stay with my sister and her kids for a few days.
Thanks for your support guys.
xxx
"Everything is possible through Christ, who gives me strength". Phillipians 4:13
I'm glad the doctor came up with a possible helpful solution, Carrie.
Left in the centre, maybe you can talk to your therapist and let her know how concerned you are about the increase in your highs and the problems it's causing you.
Sorry I can't answer everyone's posts, it's been pretty active in this thread since I last visited.
Missing my care team. Wasn't able to see my psychologist last week for personal reasons (she'd just come back after about 10 weeks off sick) or my CPN, and I really need to talk to someone I know well, struggling with being on the ward. I asked the staff here to find out if I was seeing my psychologist tomorrow as "usual", but she said no, not until next week, but she's visiting me on Monday. I feel sad that I will have to manage over the weekend, and I miss her. I'm seeing my CPN on Friday but that's as part of ward round. It's my own fault, to be honest. I just feel sad and lost.
hey laura sorry to hear your feeling so lost.
at least you have a date of when your seeing people next like monday and next week i know it can seem like a long way off because days can see hard. but its not an indefinate unknown date or ages away, just a few days i think you'll be ok and i think you'll get there.
maybe start writing down what you want to talk about and stuff
its perfectly understandable to miss those supporting you especily when new people are around and its an environment your not entirely comfortable in.
although you may be feeling lost your making rational sense which is a positive thing for us to hear...
A tyrant spell has bound me And I cannot, cannot go
-
Emily Bronte
Feeling nervous about my app. with my Pdoc tomorrow. I'm really hoping he'll take me off the meds. But I'm freaking out thinking about how things could really go tits up if I don't do well without the meds.
thanks for the info on meds no reason and left in the centre. sorry things aren't going great for everyone.
This is the thing no reason, I know i am depressed, thats the reason everything has started up again, 15 yrs+ ago when i was a teenager is when it started, it stopped for 10 yrs and i managed to do everything normally, now its falling apart. What i suddenly stopped being BPD then if their diagnosis is right? my moods are mostly down but there are some (very rare occasions) when they are high this is why i think there must be a good reason to try meds.
anyway, i think it was no reason (sorry if it wasn't i read the posts but forgot who posted what) all my appointments seem to be either assessment or just saying, stop cutting and taking pills and start eating properly ok. the end see you later, thats another reason why its so rubbish grrr
sorry might not make much sense i took some pills so i am tired and wired which is very annoying.
