The Borderline Personality Disorder Thread

[ThinkingofRecovery]

You know what Sarah? I came head to head with the whole not getting better thing very recently when I first met the peeps in my TC as they are all far older than me 40s-50s, possibly some older. The thought of fighting for that long - no way. However, there are people that have benefited from the TC and so I have to hold on to the notion that it may help for me and that I won't need mh services when I am older.

BPD is often considered to be "untreatable" but that view is very much changing and so we have to keep hope. It can however require more time that other traditional mental health problems which can be treated by meds alone.

Re "service user" that is what peeps like me and you are called who are under the mental health services. I hate it as it seems as though it is negative - we are "users", it denotes to me a choice for being like this and "using" services. People who smoke and need chest/heart expertise are not called users, people who are obese and cause health problems are not called users (btw these are not aimed at anyone, just things off the tope of my head) yet people with mental health problems are. Sorry, that might not make much sense but I hate being called a service user.

[Left in the centre]

i know i have to work at it. i know its gonna take a long time. and i know ultimately the day i give up hope is not going to come because i give up on my terms not the illnesses. im too stubbon.

I havent made plans for when were both better. Im just waiting for him to realise were in love. i had it all planned. He'll always be there - most of the time- he said he'd never let anything hurt me. its only him that truly hurts me and he doesnt mean too. he doesnt even realise he does it.
He freaked when i put myself in hospital because i scared him. he hates when i joke about dying... he does care. he wont leave.. i jsut feel like were losing a connection.

service user - i think that makes sense. i dont like it either now i know what it means.
did you know the gov are making the offical name of mental health problems into psychological health problems.. dont you think that sounds worse ?

[ThinkingofRecovery]

I still haven't gotten to that point. I still see myself as having to live with this and that I would rather not and would rather die soon than end up struggling with it for so long.

Maybe you aren't losing connection. Perhaps he is so freaked because he cares about you. It can be difficult for those around us though at times. I often wonder how my housemate copes with me.

Re service user, it isn't the definition, I don't know what the actual definition is but they were my initial reactions to the name.

EDIT
Re psychological instead of mental health, my gut reaction is that it seems to belittle it as though they aren't "real" problems, etc. Maybe I am too sensitive to the terminology they use.

[x-dying-inside-x]

Everyday i tell myself i will get better and i give myself something to wake up for in the morning, even if it's a silly thing like make sure my brother gets up for school ok i know it's only little but it helps me see another day.
You won't have to live with this forever, you will get better over time.

[Left in the centre]

im still just understanding it the whole bpd have more therapy than the average person. ive considered myself crazy for years.. but i also know im determined. thats the one thing i know about myself.

Maybe. its mostly one sided anyway hense the term my obsession.

i was wondering the other day. i struggle with friends and family dealing with me because they cant understand the disorder.. what do you think it would be like to have friends with the same problems ? like if all us lot of the board were real life friends.. better or worse than "normal" friends

[x-dying-inside-x]

Sarah you need to tell him how you feel, really hunny.
I know it's hard but you need to let him know how you feel and i'm sure he will let you know how he feels. You said he cares about you and i bet he worries aswell, it sounds like he has feelings for you.
x

[ThinkingofRecovery]

I'm not sure how it would work out with for us, an example, to be friends in real life. I can imagine it would be a bit of a rollercoaster. I know I have found it difficult with people I know who have bpd. I find it hard to deal with their suicidal plans etc. I find it draining. Yet at the same time, it is nice to know that someone understands how intense and sudden the change of moods can be. I suppose that is my way of sitting on the fence :)

[Left in the centre]

weve had conversations before. its been going on for about 4 years between us.
i told him i loved him once like properly no joking. And he said i didnt i just loved being with him. that there was a difference.
We both know im emotionally involved though we choose to ignore it now. he said after the last time it wont happen again because im too involved.
but when i saw him yesterday he was winding me up and flirting with me coz he knows i cant resist him lol.

its fine... one day he'll realise. were good friends if nothing else yet. but im not losing hope.

lol the bpd page has officaly become my love life page.

[Left in the centre]

thats interesting...
because its kinda how i figured it would be.. ive never met anyone with any form of mental health issue other than an accuantance who is skitzophrenic and i dont really know him that well.

and this guy (bob)who portrays normality as a defence mechanism and ocassionaly lets me know he isnt normal.

[x-dying-inside-x]

I agree it would be a rollacoaster but it would be nice to meet you lovely people.
Sarah one day he will come to you for more than friendship i'm sure he will.
I really miss james :'(

[Left in the centre]

sometimes even internet talking still feels lonely.
hopefully.
aww bless you sweet.

my friend needs me to go and get her from her house. she like breaking down. but i dont know if i have the strength to do it tonight. our other friend is telling me to go and get her.. but shes being irrational. seen a spider and its triggered off an irrational panic in her head. normally i'd go ...

[x-dying-inside-x]

Hunny if you cant you cant, dont feel bad. You need to look after yourself.
xx

[ThinkingofRecovery]

What has the spider triggered? I see spiders crawling sometimes when I hallucinate.

Anyway, sorry to leave but meds kicking in and going to go to bed tonight having not cut - woo hoo, minor victory.

[Left in the centre]

shes just panicing thinking its gonna get her.

ok then sweetie sleep well :) . victories are victories no matter how small or big.

-
i just feel really selfish but im petrified of the dark and my heads a mess at the moment.....

[ferretmonster]

had a more than useless appointment today with a consultant and cpn. I'd liek to ask you guys a question. Are any of you on meds for you bpd? they keep telling me that meds are no good and to wait for my course of therapy to start (when ever that may be) but when i look things up or read about it it says otherwise.

thanks

[x-dying-inside-x]

I was told meds are no good for BPD but i dont think that is true but i'm not on meds yet, but if they put me on them i will let you know!

Sarah don't feel bad at all hunny, if you are not feeling good yourself then you can't do it. You need to put yourself first, i know that might be harsh but it's true hunny.
x

[ferretmonster]

thanks daniella,

just seems there is nothing short term to help out. i dont know what the systems are like in other areas so i dont know what other options their would be.

[x-dying-inside-x]

Where i am it is just threapy and short term meds if the depression side gets bad or sleep gets bad, but they dont seem to offer anything long term here.

[ferretmonster]

how random,

where i am i have been trying to get some sort of help since october, after taking several OD's and having a couple of 20 minute discussions with mental health team i am now on a waiting list to join a group for help with BPD and similar, except this is taking forever and once im on it it will go on for about 2 years, in the mean time im finding it very difficult to cope.

hope you can get the help you need x

[x-dying-inside-x]

I hope you get the help you need too hunny.
I've been told 6-8months until i get help maybe longer!