I'm not sure what to write but I have read all this thread and some of your other posts. I say rely a lot on this site. people clearly know you and love you and hence you should use that as much as you need. Journals can help for you to vent things that you may not be allowed to write on here.
you have 10 days to do stuff that you wont be able to after. let me explain
why not learn a new hobby?
see a film?
day trip to london?
go to the zoo?
go to the beach (sod the rain its still good)
dont think about anything other than doing all the things you cant do when you are back in hospital.
may work but give it a shot. I used to do it and it helped a lot.
ok this is off topic but if ally did go to london then that would at least keep her busy for more than a day cuz of the long flight over and then back to oz again:p lol
but back to being serious...
please please think about staying with your mum ally, please.. I cant bare the thought of losing you or your head getting in the way and making you hurt yourself
please please be safe
love you xx
sometimes being strong means not holding back the tears but letting them fall
~˙·٠●♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥●٠·˙~
my fur baby girls are my life <3
r.i.p my beautiful girl jackie. i will love you always no matter what - 6/5/10
Thanks guys, I know I always say this but I really appreciate it.
And I'm so so sorry to bump this up but I'm really not feeling good at all. Spending every moment of every day trying to fight this ED has worn me down, I dont think I can do it anymore. I'm being discharged for 8 days then coming back in for another 40... I dont know if I can face it, yet I know that when I go home I will most likely crash and burn.
I want to die
I'm so sorry everyone, I dont deserve your support I just dont know where else to turn
First of all sweetheart you do deserve our support. You have done so well to make it this far, you really have. You stuck at it when many would have given up and I think that shows a great determination you have within yourself to fight this. No one is expecting it to be all fixed by the time you get home, that is why another admission is being planned down the track. I think the best thing would be to work out a plan of action with your treating team for when you get home. Whether that is writing down a list of distractions you might find helpful or writing down some positive affirmations. I believe in you sweetheart, you can fight this
"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."
Hun, recovery is gonna be so hard, but think of all the benefits of it after. I know I'm being hypocritical, but deep down none of us want an ED, it destroys our lives to the point where really we just exist for the ED.
Don't let this win
Keep strong
xx
This isn't recovery, this is the **** you have to get through to get to recovery, which trust me, going on the odd bits I've been recovered, is ****ing awesome.
'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'
['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']
'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell. Oscar Wilde
Its hard to dance with the devil on your back. Sydney Carter
No there's no way out that won't hurt anyone, only recovery will make everyone happy. I'm sorry you're finding it hard but don't give up, ever, You can do this. Keep fighting, everyday. We all believe in you. x
we are all here to help you push through this to help you to recover. we are not leaving your side or giving up hope. sometimes when you cant have hope for yourself, it helps knowing other people are minding that hope for you.
it is going to be a hard road.. it already is. but you are still walking it. x
Thankyou so much guys, you've no idea how much I appreciate your replies.
I hate writing this, but I'm not doing much better, and I dont know what to do. I'm supposed to be going home on Wednesday for 8 days so I've been encouraged to have meals off the ward, which hasnt gone too well.
First time I had tea at mum's, but she doesnt know. Second time she caught me and we got into a huge fight, my ED totally took over it was really scary, I was saying all this stuff that I would never would normally.
Went out in public with her today, thought I was going ok but as soon as I'd taken a bite I started feeling terrible.
I've been working on how I need to be more responsible for my actions and I've thought about it a lot, it's not up to others to fix me it's up to me. Problem is that I dont know how.
I'm sorry I keep moaning and bumping this up I just feel really lost.
They have the net here sweetheart and I'm thinking of you so much. Thanks for making me go tell somebody how I was feeling as I ended being taken to hospital in an ambulance with chest pain and spent 12 hours there. It turned out to be a panic attack and I got back here at 6am this morning so I was awaje for about 27 hours and had a nap at 11am until 4pm. I hope things begin to improve for you really soon. Always remember how much you are loved. Love yopu so so so much, please text me if you need to talk and I can ring you when I get some money for the phone here.
Don't feel bad for posting here, we want to know what is going on for you. I know eating off the ward hasn't gone so well but the fact you have tried is really good. Just take it one step at a time you will get there. Take care
Kat xxx
"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."
We are here for you beautiful girl. Don't be sorry.
I wish I had wonderful words of advice, but right now all I can say is keep strong and keep fighting. You are stronger than you know. I love you and am here for you always.
*hugs*
I wanna stay inside all day
I want the world to go away
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