I've woken up with extreme tummy pains this morning. :( I have to go to the jobcentre today, which I'm dreading my advisor is horrible and doesn't listen to me. I feel bad complaining about these stupid little things but its making me so anxious just thinking about it.
Colly, I hope your anxiety eased and good luck at the job centre.
*huggles Mark* Sorry you hate yourself too..I hate the feeling, sometimes it makes me actually want to self-destruct.
Lucy, I hope you are feeling better today hun*hugs*
Thank you so much Oliver <3 *hugs*
I know he'll understand, if I tell him that I'm not ok, he'll surely understand what I'm going through. he's a lot like me in some ways..which makes me a bit glad 'cause he'll understand, but it also makes me sad, because I don't want him to suffer like me..
And the thing is he really thinks I'm happy, because yesterday he said to me : 'you don't have reasons to smoke...like I do' which obviously means that he isn't ok so he is smoking, but he thinks I'm ok, so I shouldn't smoke.. I just feel like I'm going to disappoint him when he finds out I'm not the happy girl he thinks I am..:S
I'm sure your mom won't be angry and I'm sure she'll understand. *hugs*
My advisor was actually helpful for once he reccomended i apply for ESA instead of jobseekers as im struggling so much atm, i just have to hope my MH nurse will help me get a drs note, or well ill probably end up with no money whatsoever as my advisor has noted i struggle to meet the requirements of my jobseekers contract.
Lucy i think youre right about him being able to understand, You may be able to support each other better when you both know exactly how the other one feels. I hope it goes ok :)
colly: i'm glad they were helpful for once, ESA is much easier to manage than JSA.
Kismet: glad you're OK today. I'm not feeling too rough today - i have more plans but we'll see, i doubt i'll follow through - although i'm still scared. Waiting for a hospital bed now, but i'm doubting they will get me one as i'm not a priority/emergency i dont think.
Louise, glad you're feeling OK! :D
'He' is this guy I like, I hope I can tell him, but it's going to take a lot of courage for me to just do it and be honest like that..Maybe I could say sth in group(we're in group together, it's like a self-knowledge workshop? organised by my psych) and maybe I could say sth like I'm not ok, though everyone thinks I am, and then when I'm alone with him, idk I could try to talk to him about it, but I don't want to be a burden for him especially because he seems to need some support himself..
Colly, thank you. I will try and talk to him when I get the chance, maybe after group on Monday..
I'm glad it was helpful today, and I hope you get the ESA. I don't know much about these things, so I'm afraid I can't give you any useful advice, but I really hope it works out for you. :)
*hugs Pappi* Hope things will work out for you hun.
*hugs all* sorry for the lack of individual replies, I'm just really struggling.
I missed a lecture this morning, was just too depressed to go in. Then just had a dr appointment, I told her I'm really depressed, but didn't tell her I'm still self harming or that I'm getting more suicidal. She agreed though to do a referral for a CPN, but she didn't seem to get why I would need one, because I've not been honest with her about how **** I'm feeling. Then on the way home I brought a packet of pills, I would have brought two packets, but they would only sell me one. The urge to OD is getting stronger everyday and I'm beginning to work out when I can do it.
"Never be a spectator of unfairness or studpidity. The grave will supply plenty of time for silence." Christopher Hitchens
'When words fail, music speaks'
I am transsexual and homoromantic and proud to be.
*Hugs Lucky* Stupidly you have to have a medical to get on ESA , please make sure one of your support workers go's with you , my Social worker was with me and I got accepted.
*Hugs Wendy**Hugs again*
*Hugs Oliver* please please get shot of the pills mate .
I'm still not comfortable in my skin and the anasthetic's slowly wearing thin - Otep
Everyones lost but me! - Indiana Jones
It's okay , they know me here .
Kahlia1981 is my adopted little sister :)
''Courage doesn't always roar , sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow"
Lucky: I think saying something out in group sounds like a good idea for putting how you're feeling out there a little bit.
Oliver: is there anyone you can talk to irl about your urges to OD? Please stay safe.
I'm in hospital now, and am feeling slightly more safe. Its bad wheen the staff remember you! But yeah, I should be ok. Hoping to ask for them to change my meds up a bit to try and combat this depression!
Won't be online much in next few days, this site is a pain on my blackberry. Xx
*hugs Pappi* I hope being in hospital helps you.
There is my therapist and gp in real life, but I won't see my gp for a fortnight now after seeing her today and I wasn't honest with her today and my therapist doesn't know I have now brought pills, but I see him on wednesday.
*hugs mark* how are you?
*hugs Colour* how be you?
*hugs Louise, Lucky, Colly, Wendy, Kat and Lucy*
Sorry if I've forgotten anyone, brain isn't really switched on.
I'm sorry but I can't get rid of the pills, I just can't I need them.
"Never be a spectator of unfairness or studpidity. The grave will supply plenty of time for silence." Christopher Hitchens
'When words fail, music speaks'
I am transsexual and homoromantic and proud to be.
*Huggles Oliver* it's ok..I understand what you are feeling, but I really hope you are going to stay safe.. x
I feel kinda guilty now. Last week I stole some pills from my mom's medicine cabinet..It's not like she would need them or use them or anything, but she had them..I was tempted to take them all, but ended up postponing it until I will really..need to OD.
*huggles Lucky* I used to do that too, when school found out I had OD'd they told my mum and she hid all the pills in the house, but I knew exactly where she hid them and I would steal one every few days, until I had a quite a lot and od'd on them. I'm glad you didn't take them all now, but please try to be safe.
"Never be a spectator of unfairness or studpidity. The grave will supply plenty of time for silence." Christopher Hitchens
'When words fail, music speaks'
I am transsexual and homoromantic and proud to be.
