Camden, you can either email me or reply here, I’ll keep an eye on both.
Sorry to hear you’re struggling, maii. I’m not sure what to suggest as I am not in the US and therefore unfamiliar with the situation there, but you are still welcome to post.
Last edited by The Worst Witch : 22-02-2024 at 01:38 AM.
we don't know how eloquently we will be explaining this.
so. we know comparing isn't helpful or good. this isn't comparing as much as like. we must be doing something wrong.
we have quite a few online friends who struggle with mentals and are neurodivergent, etc etc etc.. all of them are younger than us at this point. but all of them have gone from being on disability, not working, being in hospital, etc. to completing degrees, getting full time jobs, being self sufficient financially. they've been able to move on.
and we're really happy for them of course. and we know they've struggled to get there and that it's not been easy. and we know they deserve good things. we are genuinely happy for them.
but also like. we don't seem to be able to move on. and we don't get what we are doing wrong. what are they doing to move on? how do we do it too?
does anyone else know or can at least relate?
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
I think I can relate somewhat. I feel very 'behind' my peers including people who have had similar struggles to me. Something that has been said to me is that we all have different life paths so it's not possible to be 'behind' anyone else because we're all going in different directions. If that makes any sense?
I'm not sure I have any advice on how to move on or build the kind of life that others have, but maybe try to have some compassion for yourself? You're doing your absolute best and the way things are aren't the way they will always be. This isn't forever.
'It's an impossible choice ... I'll just have to hope that when I flip the coin it somehow explodes and kills me.'
"You're not scared of climbing mountains. You're scared that you can't make them move."
(I'm generally assumed to be autistic but not diagnosed don't know if my opinion is of interest here)
I don't know if it helps but I sometimes feel guilty for how well I'm doing? Like, why did I recover from mentalz and get a 'good' life when so many others who are just as (if not more) worthy than me of a good life are still struggling so much?
I don't know if it helps to remember that everyone's little blend of illness and neurodivergence are unique and some mixes are just more conducive to an independent lives than others and that doesn't mean you are trying any less hard.
Even aside from different severities of mental illness and different presentations (is that an OK term???) of neurodivergence, as a teeny example potentially one of the reasons I am doing better than some others with similar presentations to me is that I am also very good at maths. This means firstly that I could be a big old mess and still get a degree because it was just kinda easy for me and getting the grades didn't require more time and brainpower than I had to offer. And secondly, I work with other mathematicians who at least anecdotally more likely to be neurodivergent so my working environment is more supportive to me than if I was potentially working in a different field.
both of your replies do make sense. thank you both!
lio we've heard that too. but at this point we're 35 and like. we're really to old to be still figuring **** out? which okay is a comparison/jugement but. we can't seem to move on or over it all and have no current direction.
our other friend basically said they stumbled into a very specific job that basically was lucky enough to meet all their very specific needs and accommodations. so it's a lot of luck as much as anything else. because without that job they'd probably have ended up dropping out of school and having to go back on disability.
which kind of sounds similar to what you are saying jenna?
and we think your wording is fine fwiw
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
I hope it’s ok to post here. I’m not diagnosed as autistic but it’s highly expected i just can’t get an assessment right now because GPs have stopped processing referrals because there are lots of them.
I feel like the more time passes the less accepting of myself i am. I don’t want to be autistic because everything is so overwhelming and hard to manage. There’s a good nurse on the ward who tries to support me, she has autism and ADHD and i guess she should make me hopeful because she copes quite well so surely i should see that it’s possible to manage but right now i don’t feel like i’ll ever get there.
Any tips on self acceptance and maybe some ways of coping? I know everyone is different but i’d like to know how other people cope. Thanks in advance.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
Hopefully referrals open up again and you can get assessed, if that's something you want.
I only got diagnosed in 2022 and I'm still realising things about myself and working things out but I think one of the big breakthroughs has been understanding that it's not my fault, that my needs are different and that it's not something that can or should be changed. You're allowed to take the time and the space to work out how you fit into the world.
'It's an impossible choice ... I'll just have to hope that when I flip the coin it somehow explodes and kills me.'
"You're not scared of climbing mountains. You're scared that you can't make them move."
I'm finding things hard at the moment. With everyone acknowledging that I likely have autism it somehow feels like it's very new to me even though if I am autistic it will have been like that all my life and I will have had to work through things throughout my life. Does this make any sense?
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
Yes. It was (and still is) a major adjustment for me when I got diagnosed, even though I knew for years I was. I’ve had to be very kind to myself and advocate for myself a lot, and when all that changed it was difficult to process.
Thanks for the reply, Ali. I picked up on the word change in your post which I know is difficult for people with autism and that's likely what I'm going through at the moment.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
What is the deal with eye contact being so important? I got the notes from my last psych ward admission and assessment in A&E and they always go on about the level of eye contact I make or don't make. I know it can seem rude if eye contact isn't made and I try my hardest but it seems like I either make too little eye contact or too much. Did you know there are actual rules about eye contact? The percentage you're supposed to look at peoples eyes and other places and the percentage changes depending on if you are talking or listening. So I could just try and figure out the percentages when in a conversation? That's a lot of effort. I know when people are low they might not make as much eye contact but it's not the same for everyone. I'm usually described as not making enough eye contact and when I do make eye contact I am perceived as staring. I feel like I can't win and I'm so sensitive about it. When I was working and was manning an info stall a professional came over and was talking to the other person who was on the stall with me and she shouted at me for not making eye contact with her. But she wasn't talking to me?
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
Yeah, it’s a whole thing. Am too tired to write out a whole explanation just now but I’ll try and come back to this later.
Mainly just wanted to say, it’s considered a major sign of autism. I used to get called names for staring at people so you’re not alone. Also wanted to add, I don’t think requesting medical notes from previous admissions and stuff is the healthiest thing for you, you seem to use them to beat yourself up a lot.
Last edited by The Worst Witch : 19-02-2025 at 09:34 PM.
Yeah, I know it's common in autism. I just seem to be realising how hard it is to be autistic in this world.
I also know it's not a good idea to request my hospital notes but if I don't read them I get caught up wondering how people were perceiving me. I am going to try not to request any more though.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I don’t think it’s practical to work out percentages of eye contact and stuff, it sounds like a lot of effort for something that ultimately is just part of being a bit different. I’ve never had an issue with not looking at people as an adult, I hardly ever do unless I know them really, really well.
It sounds like you worry about things that ultimately you can’t do anything about, which sounds exhausting. Is there anything that helps when you’re worrying about stuff?
