Honey remember your thing on the floor when we came to see you? You need to believe that as hard as it is. You are more than a number and you are more than your ED. I hope one day you can believe that.
Of course you can have support and hugs. I hope you'll be ok to get through this day, just remember there are bad days and good days and I hope you have some good days coming up. Stay strong.
I'm going down down down. Yesterday I couldn't speak for 3 hours because of the screaming in my head that silenced me. They took away anything that I could hurt myself with/anything with a cord like my tv scarves and shoes.
I dont know what to do anymore, I feel totally crushed and hopeless. I'm sorry for repeating the same crap over and over, I wish that things were different.
I'm not really :( I've just had enough. I've been told that I need another admission, that I will go home for a week then come back in for another 40 days. I mean, I want my life back but this is so so hard!
Just popped in the thread and wanted to offer you a huge hug!
Things do sound so difficult for you, I'm sorry. :( It's a horrible yucky situation.
But do keep going. Ask for help when you need it. Be gentle with yourself. Take care and let others take care of you too.
xx
The Mole was bewitched, entranced, fascinated. By the side of the river he trotted as one trots, when very small, by the side of a man who holds one spell-bound by exciting stories; and when tired at last, he sat on the bank, while the river still chattered on to him, a babbling procession of the best stories in the world, sent from the heart of the earth to be told at last to the insatiable sea.
Wind in the Willows.
Can you stay with your mum for that week? Or have her come over everyday? I'm sorry you feel this admission isn't helping but maybe the next one will? I'm going in for 28 days so will text you and be there for you every step of your second admission as well as the rest of this one. Love you so so much honey.
sorry that I can't make much of a reply right now, I just really need some support that I can keep doing this. I'm at the end of my tether, I want to give up but I know I cant; it all just seems so hopeless.
Oh sweetie, I wish I could make things easier for you. You will always have my support and the support of others here too, we all love you so so much. Never hopeless love, never ever.
Thanks Andrea and Katy, it means so much to me that you replied.
I'm sorry to bump this up again, but I'm a bit upset. I saw my weight yesterday and it had gone up... I'm trying to attribute it to the coffee I had before I got weighed but it's not really working. And I can't seem to get past feeling like I am defined by what the scales say.
Also found out my discharge date... it's in a week, and I really don't know how I'm going to cope. I mean, my bathroom's still locked here because I would purge if it was unlocked. Not because I want to, but because I feel that I have to.
I'm home for 10 days then being readmitted for another 40 days, but I'm not feeling great today and I just want to go home and rot. I'm sorry, I know that's selfish but it's how I feel right now.
I'm not going to my mum's place, because I've always been too reliant on her and while she's been away I've become more independant. If I go to stay with her I will become reliant on her, and neither of us want that.
So I guess my question is, how do I cope when I go home? How do I just not discharge myself right now? Called mum this morning and asked her to come and pick me up, she said wait until after lunch and call her then but I still feel the same.
I can't stand this anymore. I'm in bed with the covers pulled up so that I can't see my body, I'm disgusted with it, I want to perform surgery on myself and cut cut cut all the fat off. I'm scared that when I get home I may actually try it, that's how desperate I feel.
I know you said it wasn't an option but maybe you should and need to stay with your mum for the time you are discharged until you go back in. You have so many people who love you and you can turn to if you decide not to stay with your mum, we are all here for you. Please ring or text us and we will phone you to keep you safe from things. You are very beautiful inside and out no matter what your head is telling you.
