Not welcom in safe room. Not special enough. :( never special. They used to tell me that alot. The more its slapped into you, then more you believe it.
I sorry things are so hard honey. Sorry your sik and scared. Hope you fel better and safer soon. *Cuddles so tightly* Glad its under control. Wish there wasnt a bad person. Hope they arnt there much longer.
Hugs so tight.
*Curls up... shakes*
Here's the day you hoped would never come,
Don't feed me violins, just run with me
through rows of speeding cars.
21 on the run, on the run, on the run
From myself, from myself and everyone
I better leave the light on
The darkness, The sweetness, The sadness, The weakness,
O, I need this
Hi, I'm Roli Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
*hugs Roli lots*
You definitely welcome in Safe Room honey. Anyone is welcome in Safe Room. You is very special. Sorry people tell you that; it not true.
Thank you.
I sorry.
Shouldn't be here tonight. I am no use to anyone. Feel vulnerable and alone.
Hate being so pathetic.
I sorry.
I should be supporting and I not.
Hugs tightly.
Here's the day you hoped would never come,
Don't feed me violins, just run with me
through rows of speeding cars.
21 on the run, on the run, on the run
From myself, from myself and everyone
I better leave the light on
The darkness, The sweetness, The sadness, The weakness,
O, I need this
Hi, I'm Roli Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
You not useless - we all need help and support sometimes. You done so much for people recently it okay to not always be able to support.
I is glad you is here tonight - if mean you not struggling on your own. You is never alone - I always be here for you *plonks self down beside you* Can't get rid of me even if try :) <3
Thank you. I hate feeling needy. I don't want people to get sick of me.
I have DBT tomorrow. Not looking forward to it. *Grumble* I wouldn't be on my own tonight if I didnt have to go to DBT. Its supposed to help and its making it worse.
*Hugs in close..... Decides to not push Katie... She's nicer here by me*
Here's the day you hoped would never come,
Don't feed me violins, just run with me
through rows of speeding cars.
21 on the run, on the run, on the run
From myself, from myself and everyone
I better leave the light on
The darkness, The sweetness, The sadness, The weakness,
O, I need this
Hi, I'm Roli Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
*wraps arms around* Not gonna go anywhere :P
I have DBT tomorrrow too - not looking forward to it because missed the one before Christmas because of being in hospital. How come making it worse honey?
Ah- I missed the one just before xmas too. Because I was unsafe and ran back home. She wasn't amused.
I keep panicking because my therapist is making me throw away my tools. Promise I won't harm. Ramming 'commitment' down my throat... Without replacing it with anything. If it was that easy I would have done it a long time ago.
Just thinking about it had given me the body shakes. :'(
*************
Its amazing how stupid I can be sometimes. Managed to post in the from thread. Idiot.
"Fanks for sitting with me. Someone has taken my insides out. Feel completely hollow except for a few knives stabbed in there somewhere.
hmm. Cuddles Harvey Bear. I don't like being with my head. The music I'm blasting isn't helping.
Its amazing how your head can silence your own ears,..."
Here's the day you hoped would never come,
Don't feed me violins, just run with me
through rows of speeding cars.
21 on the run, on the run, on the run
From myself, from myself and everyone
I better leave the light on
The darkness, The sweetness, The sadness, The weakness,
O, I need this
Hi, I'm Roli Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
Have you told her how doing that makes you feel? I don't think she should be doing that if she's not giving you something to replace self-harm with. Only do what you feel you can with her honey. It won't help pushing yourself too hard.
No- I supposed to tell her tomorrow... I dont know if i can
But.. But honey. She will throw me off the course. Then i will be even more screwed. This is my last ditch effort.
I havent even had a group session yet and now I have to find different tools. I scared of what I will use sometimes. I like my tools. Doesnt mean I'm not committed. Just that it will take time. Its not a magic thing that your start DBT and your cured. There would be no point doing the rest of the sessions...
Here's the day you hoped would never come,
Don't feed me violins, just run with me
through rows of speeding cars.
21 on the run, on the run, on the run
From myself, from myself and everyone
I better leave the light on
The darkness, The sweetness, The sadness, The weakness,
O, I need this
Hi, I'm Roli Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
It's very true honey; not gonna be magic fix.
Could you tell someone else? Your psych or something? So maybe they can tell you whether you should be doing that or not? It dangerous to take all tools away - because then can use more unsafe things. Do you have more than one DBT therapist? We have two in our sessions - so can talk to either.
x Katie x
*you can come safe room. and if anyone tell you no i tell em shut up, in lot nicer way though :) *offers rawrk* bright pink small lion. he safe. helps proect to :)
These kicks take me far away my dear; Far away from myself Far away from my troubles
Far away from heaven
Katie- I dont have a psych. Just a very crappy CPN. The one that nearly killed me. Then saved my life....
I only have one therapist for the 1-2-1's and then I haven't had a group session yet. They start on the 10th. Very nervous.
I collecting tools again. Makes me feel safer. Maybe that will calm me down. I have been trying for hours. Thats what I need. That will shut my head up.
Thank you *Cuddles*
How you holding up?
Libz- Thank you honey. *Squishes you and rawrk*
How you doing sweetie? x
Here's the day you hoped would never come,
Don't feed me violins, just run with me
through rows of speeding cars.
21 on the run, on the run, on the run
From myself, from myself and everyone
I better leave the light on
The darkness, The sweetness, The sadness, The weakness,
O, I need this
Hi, I'm Roli Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
Oh right. I know CPN's can be useless sometimes. Don't need to harm to feel calm. Can do anything else? Music or bath or DVD or something?
*holds you tight*
I'm fine. No worries about me.
is welcome. he say thanks for squish.
i eat but puke on purpose. headache better but fuxxyinees in mind and brain worse.
i has homework i need do.. *hides it an tries forget it*
These kicks take me far away my dear; Far away from myself Far away from my troubles
Far away from heaven
Katie- But I tried. No bath. Too late for shower, people are asleep. Music in my ears now but wont make my head shut up. Even really loud. It still goes silent when head wants to talk. Will try not too. It always works though. Thats why I dont want them to take away.
I know your not fine. I worry. Always worry. Talk to me. Pwlease.
Libz- Sorry you puke darling *Cuddles* Sorry about fluxxiness. Thats sounds horid. Here is safe. Safe with us. What homework is it? Me help?! *Gets out a pen..*
Here's the day you hoped would never come,
Don't feed me violins, just run with me
through rows of speeding cars.
21 on the run, on the run, on the run
From myself, from myself and everyone
I better leave the light on
The darkness, The sweetness, The sadness, The weakness,
O, I need this
Hi, I'm Roli Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
*hugs both of you* Roli - All can ask is to try. Know it works. Works for me too - but me trying to fight urge as well. Sorry music not work - does that with my brain sometimes; brain waits for silence in music to scream. Libz - Sorry puke honey, need to eat some. Horrible when brain not right.
Me? I don't know. I am still here so I can't be that bad can I? Other people need support so I am fine.
meant fuzziness. not fluxxiness. sowy.
umm... can do my college spanish work which a packet and three workbook sheeets? can write four page paper, create 20 minute lesson,and do my final for My college writin calss by thursday? or my algebra two packet? or my chemistry worksheet? your pic :)
ii nees be safe. i fall down steps gain this mornin. owie.
katie... we know you not fine sillyhead.
These kicks take me far away my dear; Far away from myself Far away from my troubles
Far away from heaven
Libz - Would try to help; but me not so good with school work now - been too long. Try to do little bits - not all at once. Don't push too hard.
Roli - Mhmm...me not okay but can't be helped don't think. Not sure. Feels unsafe and alone. Scared about DBT tomorrow and work meeting on Friday. Worried things are getting too messed up. Feel horrid for eating noodles today - like failed. Need to clean and tidy and...gah. OCD being bad. Not told CPN or psychiatrist about them yet - will try on Monday. Also flashbacks and nightmares being bad. Not sleep tonight. Was sick this morning when woke up from nightmare. Just can't keep on...dunno. Sorry.
Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
