Do you have any idea how shit you made me feel this morning?
I actually hate you.
Do you know how scary it is to hate you're own mum?
The one person you're supposed to love and be closest too as a girl.
I physically can't stand to be around you.
You make my skin crawl, and the worst thing is, i have no idea why.
I feel like i'm letting you down because i can't stand you.
I try, i really do.
But you mentally drain me.
I feel like the ugliest, stupidest freak in the world.
I don't want to feel like this anymore.
I don't want you to notice and not say anything. I want you to fucking care.
You're my mum.
You're supposed to care.
But you never have.
Never.
"I'll lean on you and you lean on me and we'll be okay"
you have no clue what im thinking, what im doing. you have no idea why i do it cos u never fucking bothered to ask, your so wrapped up in everything else you dont give a shit about me. i hate living here i just want to leave, run and never stop but u wudnt care... wud u? no u onli care about him dats all its ever been..
and to you who i told everything to why wont u stop me why wont u help. why do u watch me slowly die... slip away from this life... why??
''Where do I take this pain of mine I run but it stays right by my side'' (Until it sleeps metallica)
No matter how many deaths I die, I will never forget
No matter how many lies I live, I will never regret
There's a fire inside,
Of this heart,
About to explode into flames (Hurricane 30 seconds to mars)
Sometimes, when I just want to give up and think I can't hold on anymore, I do. For you. You'll never know how many times you've saved me but if you were to start treating me differently or I was never to see you again, I dont think I'd get through much more. Thank you. I hope you're repayed. You're amazing.
ypu made me trust you.. and then you took it all away.. why would you hurt me like that?! you took my innocence, and with that - you took my soul...
If you look into my eyes.. you will see that night.. when you forced me on the wall, and took my right of choice.. its my worst fear that I have been forced to live.. and now, everytime I close my eyes.. I see you! And I relive that one fearful night..
I hate you! AND ONE DAY!!! I WILL GET YOU LIKE YOU GOT ME!!! BUT WORSE... Im going 2 kill you!!!!! SO YOU CANT HURT ANYONE LIKE YOU HURT ME... You may think you got away with it... but TRUST ME!!!!! YOU DIDNT!!!!! IIIIIIIIIIIII HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTEEEEEEE EEEE YYYYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !111
If you look into my eyes... you will see what I fear the most..
My big sis: yoursmiledoesn'tfoolme
Brother from another mother: majik67
I'm sorry. I just cant deal with being worried about you anymore. I'm really really sorry. I know you're trying to get better, but I'm a long way from where I was before and I just can't deal with it right now. Sorry.
Location: In a glass vial in the pocket of a beautiful mind.
I am currently:
fuck! i like you! shut up!
rhap·so·dy - an ecstatic expression of feeling or enthusiasm. ♫
"Sacrifice is the most you can love someone." ♥
“Love was at best an excuse for stupidity, at worst a destructive, dangerous emotion that drove men to acts of annihilation which defied logic. It was a twisted, insidious sentiment used to justify everything from spoiling a child to destroying entire civilizations.”
1. Why can't you just understand that it would be so much easier? Why is no one seeing this?
2. I really wish I could be more of a support to you, you've helped me so much.
3. I think....I think I...love...you...
My RYL Family: xXx_Dying2BePerfect_xXx is my adoptive mum. CrimsonTears and Field Of Paper Flowers are my big sisters; Void_Walker is my big brother, poison is my little brother, Cakey is my aunt, ickle-baybee-stacey and miss understud are my daughters.
.....I'm smiling like there is nothing wrong. I'm talking like everything's perfect. I'm acting like it's all just a dream. And pretending he's not hurting me....
You say you're there if i need you. but are you really?
Are you there when i need you the most....when it's consuming me and i have nowhere else to turn i couldnt ring you up then and say "help me"
You're there as long as it is convinient.
It's all very well to talk about it the next day, but then it is too late. I need you when it's happening.
But perhaps im asking too much.
It's my own fault after all.....
I can honesty say i have had enough of you. You claim your for me but only when theres something in it for you. You haven't been near all week but oh yeah you be at the funeral, you'll cry so people feel sorry for you and you get attention. I saw what you wrote. "some family friends have died" But they haven't. Not your family friends. More things to get you attention. It's my family and my family friends who have died. I'm so worried about tomorrow. I'm going to see my dead nanna, the most important person of my childhood, of my live and you say "Good luck". The waords Heartless B!tch spring to mind. I don't need luck. I need a friend and that isn't you. God i wish i had the courage to tell you p!ss off.
Grow up, people. I must enjoy the company of people that act like children. That's my fault I suppose. Kasey, I can understand. It's hard for me too. But Margaret..? Talk about a 13 year old trapped in a 20 year olds body. I really would like to scream right in her face, but I'm certain it wouldn't do any damn good. Now she's gonna do this to another guy. It's just going to repeat itself again. I wanted to be able to help her. No, I'm not allowed. I can't help people, no matter how hard I try. I'm so sick of it.
it is so selfish.
ITS SO FUCKING SELFISH OF ME I KNOW!
i really dont want you to go =(
makes me wanna cry to think you will.
you've changed my life so much i cant begin to explain how much you mean to me.
love you so much <3
