I'm so jealous of you. You lost wieght. I put it on. And now I hate myself. Now Im paranoid. Now I feel like a heff and Im eating too much and Im royally fucked.
fat fat fat fat fat. Please dont tell me otherwise. please dont. so jealous of you. so jealous of everyone who doesnt have my urgh "love handles".
Jealous, of ,you.
Please. This time, you have to stop me from coming back. You have to make that decision, because I can't. You can, you have the authority. You need to do this. Please.
-“And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom.” Anais Nin-
Allie, Mutt, Great Grandma, Hope and Humbug. I love you and miss you all. xx
You're an idiot.
You're scatty & disorganised.
You never plan anything right.
You talk off-subject.
You're quite judgemental & just generally pretty irritating.
& you sit around wondering why there was low recruitment onto the course. Um, I wonder. Perhaps because you were pushing everyone to do the other one instead?! Jesus.
I struggled to find things to write about you on that self esteem raising shit thing today. Especially after the module choices bollocks.
Ahhhaaaa. Your a bitch.
Your failing, that makes me laugh.
Your not gonna graduate!
That made me laugh.
You can't say nothing to me or else you'll get in some serious trouble.
So take the bitch!
My life is so much better, so you didn't bring me down.
You just made me stronger so I can be better than you.
I'm so amused by all of your screw up's.
So, when you see me on the street one day and I'm better off,
I'll keep on walking.
I know you're...
*not really that special.
*never going to feel the same way about me as I do about you.
*completely different to me.
*Not even that appealing.
But I can't imagine getting over you. Whenever I see you I feel sick. Even the message you sent me make me feel cold and shivery for minuets after I replied.
What is this I'm feeling? I know there's fear, but that can't be all.
I think I'm just scared of letting go of you. Without you my life is without that pleasurable pain, the drama. I'll miss sitting outside class crying my eyes out. Miss my heart beating like it wants to escape my chest.
Maybe I'm just That Fucking Bored.
Or something.
"Well yeah, and I'm sad, but at the same time I'm really happy that something could make me feel that sad. It's like, it makes me feel alive, you know? It makes me feel human. And the only way I could feel this sad now is if I felt somethin' really good before. So I have to take the bad with the good, so I guess what I'm feelin' is like a, beautiful sadness. I guess that sounds stupid." "Yeah."
Thank you.
Over the last couple of days, i've told you more then i've told anyone about me in so long. Even if they were just 3 sentences at different times, you knew slightly more of who i really am. I wont let you in any more though, but thank you.
You don't need him, like i don't need him. It's okay though, i understand.
oh and please for god sake don't say anything to Sam! because it'll be awkward enough when i next go out with you and see him!
It's so easy to get lost in constantly having to present
whatever face you believe a person wants to see rather than your own
I cry every night because of what you did..
You took her away from me, and left me all alone.. what did she ever do to you?! All she did was make a decision for her own happiness... BUT NO!!! You couldn't just let her walk away with her head up high, could you?!?!
Why did you have to take her out of this world?! Maybe you didnt mean to kill her.. maybe you just meant to hurt her emotionally and physically.. but you did the worst thing possible and then ran away with your head held low..
If I EVER see you again.. mark my words - I'll get you like you got her.. and thats a PROMISE!!!!! I've never felt so much anger, and hatred for anyone in my entire life... people have made me hate them. but I can never hate anyone as much as YOU!!!
I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!
RIP Claire
xxxxxxxxx
If you look into my eyes... you will see what I fear the most..
My big sis: yoursmiledoesn'tfoolme
Brother from another mother: majik67
I can't trust you. I don't feel like i know you anymore.
how can i? we never talk. You don't understand when we do. So I shut down which makes it harder for you to understand and i know that.
I want to die. I am stressed sick...literally. To calm me down I don't do the normal stuff i used to. I start planning ways to kill myself. I am hearing voices i think. but you can't listen. you have to report that.
I have always felt that the moment when you first wake up in the morning is the most wonderful of the twenty-four hours. No matter how weary or dreary you may feel, you possess the certainty that...absoultely anything may happen. And the fact that it practically always doesn't, matters not one jot. The possibility is always there.
When i moved out of my home in december it was only because i wanted to lose my virginity to you. I hate myself today for having done that. I lost a christmas with my family so i could fuck some random guy i'd met one time. I cried for days after i fucked you the first time. It hurt so much when i realized you kept your eyes closed the whole time we were doing the deed. My body, i thought, my body must be hideous. I started hating myself and loving you.
Then you ripped my heart out when you told me that you were 'waiting' for someone who fucking left on her own free will. Secretly, i hope somehow you never get to see her again. I hope you never get what you want in life.
I love you. I hate you. You make me hate myself. I carved redemption into my leg because you were ignoring me. I know you're a fucking liar, you lie to my face, but you tell my sister in law the truth, ha. You thought it was a coincidence you met?
That makes me cringe. I love you. I can't figure out how to let go of you. how to free myself from your hold. You claim that you're my friend. I think it's out of pity. I hate you, i just wish i could prove it, and not just by cutting.
.Amanda.
_______________________________ ...And the man at the back said
everyone attack and it turned into a ballroom blitz...
