Well tomorrow I have an appointment with Melissa, Jenn, and my new horse therapist Clarice. Then I usually see somebody at the center usually Jenn two more times that week until the next Monday when I see Melissa.
But you are right. And that's the way she'll see it.
I wanna stay inside all day
I want the world to go away
I don't want to tell you to lie to your therapist if it's possible that you're going to hurt yourself before your next appointment. But it's clear how much you don't want to be sent back to hosp, especially at this time of the year...
If you can convince me that you're going to be safe until the next appointment then you might, might, have a chance of convincing Melissa..
Well, I had a rough week, but I really wish I could go back and do it over. I should've used my coping skills, and I defintiely will use them next time I'm feeling badly. And even if they don't work I promise to call ES before acting on any impulses. I really will call them, I feel comfortable talking to Felicia, Peter, Jess, and Victoria...I know all the ES staff. So I won't be afraid to call because I know they will take care of me. Anyways, I'm really looking forward to the next few weeks. Tomorrow is my boyfriend's birthday. The following week is our anniversary and he is taking me to the white mountains, and then I HAVE to be home for Christmas, it's my favorite holiday ever!
How was that hehe?
I wanna stay inside all day
I want the world to go away
Melissa would probably say that while you say you're going to use your coping skils now, when you're feeling badly you don't tend to think about them at the time.
And you told me that you would call ES before you hurt yourself but you didn't..
We need to find ways to keep you safe over the next few weeks that doesn't involve hospital.. How long are you going away to the white mountains for? Because you'd probably be pretty safe while you're there and that would work in your favour. I doubt you'l be hurting yourself on Dave's birthday so that's another day where you'l be safe..
But Christmas tends to be a time that gets to a lot of people so that could work against you..
Which coping skills actually work for you? And what can I do to try to keep you safe?
Riiiight. Lol, this is good practice for tomorrow.
Well. Coloring is a coping skill that helps me a lot. I have a bunch of coloring books that I've been coloring in lately to distract me. On the days that I used that I was able to stay safe. Watching movies helps too, and there are Christmas movies on all the time now I could watch.
And I don't know how long we will stay in the white mountains..I'm guessing 2 or 3 days.
I might even be seeing somebody every week day soon because they are starting me doing volunteer work with a functional support person with me. And maybe I could call or meet with Jenn on the days I don't have anything.
I wanna stay inside all day
I want the world to go away
That totally works. Monday's I see Melissa. I see Jenn at least once during the week, and I have horse therapy once a week, and I have two volunteer jobs I'll be starting every week. That covers like everyday. It's like I'm in friggin daycare lol.
I wanna stay inside all day
I want the world to go away
At night that's when I'll try my coping skills. And if they fail I will either call Dave and see if he'll come over, call ES (they even offered to meet me somewhere and sit with me until I'm safe) or go to my friend amanda's place (last resort).
I'm feeling better about ES, I'm pretty close to most of the crisis workers. I've gotten to know them all and they all know who I am and my case and everything.
I wanna stay inside all day
I want the world to go away
And you can always come on here and talk to me :) I usually have my computer on and if you say something in your journal or send me an email I'll come on as quickly as I can. If I can't come on then I'll text you and remind you of your coping skills :)
What about when you're having a bad body image day like today? What can we do to get you through that?
Yeaaah, I have no idea what to do about that. I'm thinking maybe it will help me feel better about myself if I run on the treadmill for a bit every morning. It might help me feel better..it's just really hard because I've gained A LOT of weight...and I can't fit into the majority of my clothes. So just wearing clothes is a constant reminder of my weight gain. And I have no income right now and no money..so I can't just go buy clothes
I wanna stay inside all day
I want the world to go away
I'm just glad it helps in some way *cuddles* You're one of my best friends, even though you are a million miles away, and I don't want to see you hurting.
Just promise me that if you're feeling even just a teeny tiny bit bad you will tell someone, whether it be me, Dave, ES, or *God forbid* your parents. Can you do that?
You are one of my best friends too, and if you ever need anything I'm always here too! You seem to be doing well and that makes me so happy, but really I'm always here if you need anything :)
I pinky promise...that is the real deal. I will tell somebody if I'm feeling not so great.
I wanna stay inside all day
I want the world to go away
I'm so proud of you :) *huggles* I know that that isn't an easy thing to promise.
I know you're always here for me sweetheart and it's helped me so much :)
But really, you should be getting some sleep! It's 12:45am over there!
