ocd is so severe. compulsions are worse and in different forms and so are the thoughts. though some of the thoughts/images are the same as the ones ive been having but theres new ones. :/// and other stuff is worse to do with ocd but well urgh. see someone from camhs on monday, only chance befoe xmas to see how they can help (again. iv e been seeingthem since i was 7 ffs, theyre useless.) and then im seeing my ex-psych on 4th jan. might ask for meds. i cant do this by myself. its too much. so distressing.
Yes! Decorating anything isn't that teasy, but in the end, at least for me, it turns out pretty (:
As for me quitting therpy, I haven't done that yet, but I have explained to my counsler that OCD isn't that big of a problem for me and that I really find it comforting more than anything. More of what we went over when I came to that conclusion, is to make sure I have the tools to realize when it's taken over me to the point where I can't handle it anymore. I mean, you can never really fully change it, so what's the point of making myself like everyone else? My friends love me for my OCD, as well as me. It comes in handy more times than not. I think that I was trying to change it so much because of the fact that I didn't know anyone that really had it in the first place.
Hey there Disenchanted Romance. I know what you mean about not giving up OCD. If it's not taken over completely then it can be a useful coping strategy. I've had OCD all my life and I'd much rather live with just that than all the other crap it manifests itself in. I think the thing with OCD is that you can't really get rid of it totally, you just have to learn how to manage it. *Hypocrite alert*. Hope you are ok today anyway xx
I hope nobody minds me barging into the thread like this.
I don't have an official diagnosis of OCD, mostly as I haven't ever told anybody, and I'm not sure if this is even considered OCD. But, gosh, I have these stupid things I have to do. It's terrible. If I don't do them I get so anxious. It's been getting really, really bad in spurts lately.
Examples:
Before I go to bed, I have to check that the computer is off. I have to check 3 times. Then I have to check the door is locked, 3 times. Then I can go to bed. But if I get into bed and I don't feel "right", then I have to get up and check it again, 3 more times, each. This can go on..for hours sometimes. But, if I don't do any of this stuff, then my family will get hurt, or something bad will Like, I can be in bed fine for a little while, and then it'll hit me again, and I have to get up and check it AGAIN. 3 more times. I also have to pray, 3 times every single night. The same exact prayer, in the same exact order. If I don't get it perfect all 3 times, I have to keep restarting. This can go on for a long time especially if I'm tired. But it I don't do it, then something bad will happen to my family, or happen to me at night, or my house will catch on fire. There's also other smaller things, like things have to be correct..like things can't be out of place, and if I happen to notice anything out of place, I can't stop focusing on it until I get up and fix it. I used to have to open and shut my door 3 times every night before I could sleep, and if it didn't feel right, I'd have to do it 3 more times, and just keep going like that until it felt okay. But that stopped.
I don't know. I guess what I wanted to know, is there any way besides getting up and doing this stuff to lessen the anxious feeling. Also, is it normal for a compulsion to change suddenly?
Hey RainbowStripes :-] Well done for posting, that was a brave thing to do.
I don't want to diagnose you or anything like that, but it does sound like your compulsions are getting in the way of your life and have become distressing for you. Perhaps you could start by reading some information on OCD (the Mind website is a reliable place to start), and I would definitely recommend that you see your GP about this.
I also wanted you to know that I understand. I have suffered from OCD my whole life, and a lot of my rituals revolve around a certain number, checking, and praying.
Everyone with OCD is different and has different types of obsessions and compulsions, so I can't say if it's "normal" for a compulsion to change suddenly. Certainly for me though it has happened before. Usually I rigidly stick to the same rituals and new ones spring up, but a lot of them have existed since I was very young. However I do remember the "magic number" changing when I was about 7 though. Compulsions can change and I suppose they react to the anxieties that cause them in the first place. Did you want to talk more about the change?
In terms of what you can do about the anxiety... In the short term, in the moment when you feel consumed by the anxiety and the all-consuming need to do the compulsion, it's easier to just do it. But as I'm sure you're aware, that's rarely enough - it doesn't feel "right", you haven't done it enough times, you did it slightly wrong...
Overcoming OCD is a hard thing to do. One of the therapies that seems to be successful for it is CBT. It works on setting small challenges to help you to overcome the anxiety and slowly builds up. It takes time and effort but I have heard a lot of success stories from this approach.
Hope this helps and if you ever want to talk just PM me :-] xxx
Both ways. ^
For me it started when I was younger, but there are many things that can also trigger OCD ie; trauma, rape, abuse, etc.
Though it can be the other way around, it could start when you're younger due to these abuses & traumas.
In other cases, it could just start for no apparent reason.
Hey RainbowStripes :-] Well done for posting, that was a brave thing to do.
I don't want to diagnose you or anything like that, but it does sound like your compulsions are getting in the way of your life and have become distressing for you. Perhaps you could start by reading some information on OCD (the Mind website is a reliable place to start), and I would definitely recommend that you see your GP about this.
I also wanted you to know that I understand. I have suffered from OCD my whole life, and a lot of my rituals revolve around a certain number, checking, and praying.
Everyone with OCD is different and has different types of obsessions and compulsions, so I can't say if it's "normal" for a compulsion to change suddenly. Certainly for me though it has happened before. Usually I rigidly stick to the same rituals and new ones spring up, but a lot of them have existed since I was very young. However I do remember the "magic number" changing when I was about 7 though. Compulsions can change and I suppose they react to the anxieties that cause them in the first place. Did you want to talk more about the change?
In terms of what you can do about the anxiety... In the short term, in the moment when you feel consumed by the anxiety and the all-consuming need to do the compulsion, it's easier to just do it. But as I'm sure you're aware, that's rarely enough - it doesn't feel "right", you haven't done it enough times, you did it slightly wrong...
Overcoming OCD is a hard thing to do. One of the therapies that seems to be successful for it is CBT. It works on setting small challenges to help you to overcome the anxiety and slowly builds up. It takes time and effort but I have heard a lot of success stories from this approach.
Hope this helps and if you ever want to talk just PM me :-] xxx
Thank you.
Yeah, they do get in the way sometimes, mostly my sleeping!! I also forgot one; sometimes when I go to leave my house I get so paranoid that certain doors aren't closed and locked, or that I left lights on, or the oven on, etc. This one is a huge pain because I'm supposed to be leaving and I can't, I've even had my mom turn the car around before. I just said I had forgot my money.
The change, well, the change was weird. Because for years I had to open and close my bedroom door in intervals of 3. But then people started noticing and I was trying to stop doing it, but I couldn't. Then randomly one day the door thing just got replaced with praying. So, I stopped doing the door thing every night and started praying too. The praying is worse though, because it's the same basic concept, but there's different things I have to add for different scenario's. Like, erm, example. Hm. Like, say I go to bed while my Dad is out, I'd have to sit and pray about him getting home safely too on top of my normal prayer.
It's really confusing and logically, I know that doing this stuff isn't normal or logical, but I still can't help it. It makes me so anxious that I can't not do it. It gets worse in spurts though, sometimes it's not as bad, other times it's really bad. Does anybody else get spurts of it being a little better, or is that just me?
Both ways. ^
For me it started when I was younger, but there are many things that can also trigger OCD ie; trauma, rape, abuse, etc.
Though it can be the other way around, it could start when you're younger due to these abuses & traumas.
In other cases, it could just start for no apparent reason.
I was raped last year and since then my anxiety levels have been through the roof and I've been carrying out secret rituals that I feel compelled to do otherwise something bad will happen like being raped again. does this make sense to anyone?
Mirror Girl - As said above, it's not unusual for rituals to develop after a trauma. OCD is a way to manage fear and anxiety and I find that a specific fear tends to fuel the need for rituals. I'm so, sorry that you went through what you did... I'm here any time you want to talk.
RainbowStripes - Yeah checking rituals are so annoying, I'm always thinking up excuses for why I need to run back inside yet again! It sounds like the change was perhaps due to other people becoming aware of a more noticeable ritual so you switched you a mental ritual instead, but there are plenty of reasons why compulsions can change. Did anything happen or trigger you around the time for example? As I said before, I've had OCD my whole and I find it does come in spurts, and relates to whatever is going on in my life and my stress/ anxiety levels.
They really are stupidly annoying. I don't think anything else triggered the change, it was awhile ago, so I can't really remember much of the time. But, I do remember my friends were making fun of me A LOT for the door thing at that specific point in time. Eurgh. Yeah, it was hilarious 8-)
My rituals, actually got a lot worse after I stopped purging and restricting for some reason. I don't know why; but whenever I'm trying to recover eating-wise, the rituals and anxiety get a lot worse and more intense.
does anybody elses get triggered all the sudden by something that was supposed to lower anxiety? its just odd... most of my rituals have sorta built up slowly, and thats what i was discharged thinking i had to look out for. i didn't expect it to get worse this fast... all it took was one of the mandatory classroom driving classes for me to end up in or holding back tears just riding in a car. and driving is just completely out of the question now... can't even keep my feet still enough (i sorta jitter and bounce alot when i'm anxious) to stay on one pedal... gah... i'm doing the work to get through it, i just feel like i've failed since i got sooo much anxiety all at once so quickly after i got out of intense treatment...
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
RainbowStripes - Yeah it's horrible when people laugh at the rituals because they don't realise the agonies behind it all. Definitely agree with you about OCD getting worse when other illnesses/ symptoms improve. It's like it kind of compensates for the other outlet. I have also found that my OCD manifests itself through other disorders. So if I am having a bad phase of anorexia or kleptomania or self harm or whatever - the obsessive compulsive drives find their release in the other disorder. Which makes the other disorders much harder to break, and means that if the other disorders improve, the obsessive compulsiveness leaks through in the rituals. Sometimes it's just a case of working out the easiest thing to live with and manage and what puts me at the least risk. Are you getting any therapy?
PastExpiration - You haven't failed at all. It's really stressful coming back into the real world, especially if you feel that you *should* be able to manage everything now... But you know a lot of non-OCD people get incredibly stressed and upset about driving. Work on managing the anxiety and finding ways to express it and ease it - it's about finding strategies to cope with it, rather than hoping you feel never feel anxious. Though having said that I know it's incredibly difficult and tiring!!! Hope you're doing ok and if you ever want to talk just PM me.
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