Oohh that's a good idea about the descriptions. I'll have to think of some.
I'm okay. Bored. I don't want to sleep but it's midnight and I need to be awake in 7 hours for a full day of classes. I think I'll just eat some lasagne instead then try sleep later.
That's true but I just couldn't stop thinking of the lasagne so o had some and I've just eaten half a cake so maybe now is valium time or I'm going to feel very sick soon with so much cream in this cake :/
Valium is had and I don't feel too bad from the cake. I'm bored and I don't want to go to bed but I'm here and I turned the heated blanket on so I should be asleep soon as you are right, it will make tomorrow easier the more sleep I get. I get to wear a new outfit tomorrow maybe I'm just too excited :p
Thanks Dash, appreciate your words of wisdom and being here for me. Time to turn the phone off to ensure maximum chance of sleep and minimum chance of hating self for all that I just ate. .
I told the coordinator everything. Despite not wanting to mention my self harm and hospital. I guess I just want to be heard. But I feel so shit now. It's dark and raining and I want to die just a bit more now. I just want to cry and cry. I'm going out to the pub (no drinking) with friends because I can't face my dad. Then tomorrow I'll see my psychiatrist at some point.
It occurs to me I'll have to probably live with this for a long time and I'm crumbling.
I felt heard but I wish I kept my mouth shut. There's nothing anyone can say that will help. I'm exhausted so I'm off to bed now thinking about what is going to happen with my psychiatrist tomorrow.
The coordinator said if I dropped out of uni now I'd have to wait an entire year to go back and even then it would create complications. I said I don't want to drop out. She was concerned about the classes I was missing [I'm missing one on Fridya to see my psychologist, which I deemed more important].
She also said my project wasn't feasible which was interesting and I'm either going to follow it up with her or discuss it with my supervisor first as something that she has suggested. I don't know.
Honestly, today has left me exhausted. My wrist is itchy with the bandage on it and I'm just so tired.
I used to be so good at minimising my distress. I don't know what has changed.
Dont be too hard on yourself Amy its a post graduate year, it can drive someone whose had no previous issues at all up the wall! you've already completed your main degree and did great for those 3 years, so that says plenty, at the moment the workload and the isolation haas just temporarily got too much, u will get this sorted and u will get back on track, after all this i U we are talking about! xx
I saw my psychiatrist and I've been diagnosed officially (again... I got her to write it down this time) as having bipolar type II and given a new mood stabiliser medication that should also help anxiety.
I feel validated, listened to and extremely hopeful about the future.
I just wanted to update you all :)
And thank you for the pages and pages of support you have shown me, honestly it got me through this xxxx
Last edited by Snow White. : 08-08-2013 at 05:59 AM.
I'm glad the appointment went well :) Really hope the new medication helps x
"I know you're sad, so I won't tell you to have a good day. Instead, I advise you to simply have a day.
Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and don't give up on yourself just yet.
It'll get better. Until then, have a day."
Thank you all for your reassurance :)
I'll be telling it all to my psychologist tomorrow also so I expect she'll help me discuss the trauma about all the crisis and how to manage myself.
I am reading it now - I'm glued! I did think of you. I remember you gave me the courage to discuss it with my psychologist back in 2012 (when I say remember, I mean read it on my livejournal) when they agreed with it then, but it's been much more official now so I feel like when professionals ask me what is wrong I ca say with certainty that I know what it is.
I gave my dad some information about "if" he wanted to read it (he said he didn't) but I told him if he was interested in how it affects me it is there in writing for him to understand.
I'm on seroquel 25mg, or 20, or something like that I haven't looked at it yet and I'll be starting on half or a quater even. And sticking with my antidepressant as well.
I'm on seroquel too (for most probably Bipolar II), it's the first medication that has been come close to stabilising my mood. It can work as an antidepressant in its own right as well as being a mood stabiliser, pretty nifty medication.
I've put it down for a bit to focus on studies but I think I'll read it this weekend. Thanks for sharing your experience too. It's already made me drowsy which is helpful too.
Pomegranate I was disappointed really. But I don't expect it will change I've left the information there anyway. I think he wants to be in denial about it all really.
Thanks all so much. I'm now debating if in my next update to uni I tell them off the official diagnosis. I told them it was depression but if I say bipolar they won't be surprised if the are more mood fluctuations which would be a positive. Mmmm.
So she lights up a candle for hope to be found
Captive and blind by the darkness around
Each wave a promise, a new hope reborn
Sunrise consoles at the break of dawn
It might be worth telling the uni, as you say if they're aware of your current condition they can make more allowances. Do you have anything like Disabled Students Allowance in Australia? Like a fund to help you study with your condition. So for example I got a dictaphone so I could record lectures to re-listen to so that if my anxiety or IBS is bad I don't have to worry too much about concentrating.
Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different…
you once called your brain a hard drive, well say hello to the virus.
xx
