Rara, there is quite a big time difference, so this is bound to be making you feel more tired. I hope you are able to get some rest while there, as well as seeing people and places.
Do you think you could let your grandparents know that you are at least tired, so that they know that. It can't help that they do not know.
It sounds like it is worth talking to the nurses about what happened and letting them know that you feel worse while they are tiptoeing around you and would much prefer them to be how they were before. Know though, that you are free to talk about it here, if that would help any, as you wont be judged on anything.
*hugs*
Roiben x
If the Human brain were so simple that we could understand it, we would be so simple that we wouldn't.
So its -9 hours, wow, what a time difference.
I'm sorry to hear that things are not going well right now. I used to be scared to go to sleep when I was younger due to recurring nightmares, so I can understand. What sort of conditions (lights on/off, curtains open/closed etc) do you like to sleep in? I don't know if you can do this, but I leave my laptop on all night playing moderately quiet music in the background, so that when I wake up at night, I can hear The Prodigy (my favourite band!) playing, which relaxes me and helps me fall asleep again.
Don't be discouraged, its not easy to find the right meds but I believe that you will find the right combination with time. I have been changing meds with my psych a lot myself, and I do admit it is hard. But you will get there.
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
Roiben,
I didn't sleep well last night and I was up at 8, it's 20 to 9 now, i usually sleep in longer. So I'm tired, I may go back to sleep if i can.
The voices were there the minute in I woke up so I'm worried they will build throughout the day.
I think I will have to let my grandparents know if I am struggling next time, I can't do that again. I just don't know how they will respond so that's anxiety provoking.
I spoke to my Dr about the staff, he is the head psych so he has a lot of power I suppose. Im seeing him again tonight. Though the staff have been better since I posted. So that's good.
*hugs*
Oly, I sleep in total darkness as that's conducive to my sleeping best, but I've had my (big) headphones on before I got to sleep then I take them off and let them play through the night which I can still hear.
Today doesn't feel like a good day, i've already got my headphones blaring. I think I'll try going back to sleep for an hour or so if the voices will let me.
I'm seeing my grandparents again tomorrow, I want to cancel because of how I'm feeling, but I won't. The voices are so loud and were telling me to hurt myself (first time in weeks), so I went out and got a piercing. I'm tired of all this, I don't understand, I'm jumbled and confused, I dont know what's real...
I'm hating this.
I am really struggling.
I didn't see my Dr today. Maybe tomorrow night.
The staff are really pushing me to have the supplement as I haven't eaten in two days. I don't want it, I don't want to eat, the thought of it makes me sick.
The voices are screeching, talking about Spies and demons.... I'm so tired.
Rara, I know you will not like me saying this, but not eating or having the suppliment will not be helping with how tired you are feeling. Nor will the lack of sleep. Do you think you could try to get some more rest, or do restful things?
Do you think cancelling with your grandparents may be wise right now? If you are struggling? So that you can focus on getting rest and working on the voices.
Roiben x
If the Human brain were so simple that we could understand it, we would be so simple that we wouldn't.
Roiben,
I didn't cancel, I felt guilty, but it was only a couple of hours and on the whole, though it was hard, I managed. I used my headphones when things got too much. I also let them know I wasn't up to going to the other place they wanted to take me. I'm back now (have been a while) and have been hiding away in my room away from all stimulation, trying to be strong and not listen to the voices.
I know logically I need to eat and that not eating is making me more tired but I feel like it's the only thing in my life I can control at the moment and the voices are saying things about food... Sorry to be a pain.
I understand your tiredness though; when I get overloaded (too much noise, going to central London etc), I have to lock myself in a dimly lit room with music and be alone, otherwise I do somewhat lose it.
I agree with Roiben, restful activities are the best for now. I don't think the stress of seeing your grandparents helped.
Perhaps take a day of doing only restful things, even if it is just sleeping or listening to music.
But eating is important. I find that when I feel sick, I can still eat toast, perhaps you could try toast?
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
Thanks Oly, tomorrow I will have a rest day. I'll (hopefully, he cancelled again today) be seeing him some time tomorrow, but other than that a walk and some quiet time is the plan.
A nurse just talked to me about setting up a sort of day plan for high and low stimulus activities so my days are a bit more balanced, while I didn't hear everything she said (voices) it seems like a good idea.
I might watch a movie tonight with one of the other patients, but really I just want to sleep for a long time. Or even better discharge and barricade myself in my room.
The staff are concerned about me, worried I'm going to hurt myself 'because of the content of the voices'
I want to escape, I want out of this game, I've had enough.
I think that you should keep to relaxing activities. What exactly are the voices saying? I hope that tomorrow's rest day will help, tell me how it goes.
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
I've only just woken up and I feel horrible. They made me have my supplement, watched me drink it.
Oly,
They're saying that I'm being watched, that I'm in danger. The spies are in the walls. That people can see into my head, that I'm poison. Among other things...
Today I'm going to try and have a restful day. I'm seeing my Dr in 5.
I understand it was stressful drinking the supplement but its only for the best.
Can you write down what the voices are saying and then write a list of logical reasons as to why the voices are lying? Last night I had problems with the voices (they were telling me I'm being monitored etc), so after calling my friend I made a logical list and it helped me a bit.
How did it go with your dr?
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
Thanks Oly.
I haven't been able to keep anything down since Thursday... My body just rejects it and I cannot stand vomiting.
Writing the voices words down with a logic list is a good idea, I'll try it thanks.
I just saw my Dr again. He talked about being worried about my not eating, getting me weighed again, asked whether i was noticing my weight loss, what i felt when i looked in the mirror. He's putting me on more medication: regular Valium and chlorpromazine for the anxiety/paranoia. He asked about the voices, what they were saying, what I was doing to manage them...
Then I got weighed and had lost more weight and a (great) nurse spoke to me about how concerned he was and that he knows I feel a sense of control around not eating but if my bmi goes down I'll lose that control, drips, feeds etc. He was supportive not preachy or pushy.
Now I'm outside smoking blasting the voices away, I can only barely hear them over the music.
I'm really hurting about losing someone. There was a nurse here who helped me SO much, and I was really close to, now she's probably getting fired. So I'm really hurting so badly about that.
Thanks Oly.
I haven't been able to keep anything down since Thursday... My body just rejects it and I cannot stand vomiting.
Writing the voices words down with a logic list is a good idea, I'll try it thanks.
I just saw my Dr again. He talked about being worried about my not eating, getting me weighed again, asked whether i was noticing my weight loss, what i felt when i looked in the mirror. He's putting me on more medication: regular Valium and chlorpromazine for the anxiety/paranoia. He asked about the voices, what they were saying, what I was doing to manage them...
Then I got weighed and had lost more weight and a (great) nurse spoke to me about how concerned he was and that he knows I feel a sense of control around not eating but if my bmi goes down I'll lose that control, drips, feeds etc. He was supportive not preachy or pushy.
Now I'm outside smoking blasting the voices away, I can only barely hear them over the music.
I'm really hurting about losing someone. There was a nurse here who helped me SO much, and I was really close to, now she's probably getting fired. So I'm really hurting so badly about that.
You're welcome. If you cannot keep food down, there are antisickness meds you can take. When I had my bug I couldn't keep anything down, not even water. Then I was prescribed some antisickness meds and they worked very well. I was able to keep food down, although the nausea took longer to abate.
How did the logic list go?
How do you feel about what your dr said? I hope the new meds help, what doses did he put you on? Watch out for excessive sedation though.
I'm glad the nurse was so helpful. I've had a friend who was on a feed via a nasogastric tube before; I really do hope that you won't have to have that. Hugs.
Oh gosh, why is your favourite nurse getting fired? That must hurt a lot. I am sorry to hear that.
Last edited by Steel Maiden : 29-08-2011 at 10:48 AM.
Reason: additional
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
*cuddles Rara* I am sorry you are struggling at the moment, especially with the voices and the food.
I think having written options of activities that are stimulating and restful could help, as it gives you options and alternatives that you can pick from depending on how you are feeling. Right now, I think restfull things are a good idea.
I am glad the staff are looking after you, as much as it is hard to have that happen, I know that in the long run they are trying to help you.
I think Oly's idea of writing down logical reasons why the voices are lying is a good idea. I try to do this with my own beliefs when I think things are going awry (I do not hear voices, it is more what I see and believe) and I know it is incredibly hard to do, but so usefull, as if you can do this when feeling more logical, it can help to keep it and re-read when you are feeling less logical and struggling more.
Do you think you could ask the Dr about a possible anti-sickness medicine so that you can try to keep more of the food and suppliment down? I think if this is possible it would be better for you than going onto a drip.
Thinking of you, and wishing I could help more.
Roiben x
If the Human brain were so simple that we could understand it, we would be so simple that we wouldn't.
I've been prescribed an anti nausea med but haven't tried it yet as I haven't eaten. I'm not at a stage where the drip and feed is an immediate possibility so I'm ok in that regard.
I haven't made the list yet, that's a job for today.
I'm on 100mg chlorpromazine twice a day and 5mg Valium twice a day too.
Hugs.
Its a long story with the nurse, I was going to see her as a nurse practitioner when I left and I saw her when I was on leave and a staff member saw us together, now she's likely going to be fired and I won't see her again... Lots of hurt.
Roiben, thanks.
The low and high stimulation balance is a good one.
I haven't done the logic list yet but I will today, it will be good to have, carry with me for when things get worse.
Thank you for your words.
It's 6:10am and I'm awake, wide awake, woke up at three too. Hopefully I can get back to sleep. I think I'll have to try with my headphones on because of the voices... It's too early for this...
