back in hospital, hugs? [updated, need help please?] - Page 13

akita · 17-10-2010, 09:13 AM

Oh sweetie, of course you deserve one or a million.

x eleventy million

*smoochies too*

-Rainbow- · 17-10-2010, 09:17 AM

*cuddles lots n lots*
that sounds really tough for you, on the positive side, you went shopping and you made it there and back safely.
i fail at words... sorry x

Revival · 17-10-2010, 10:57 AM

thanks guys really appreciate it. They're telling me I'm going to need "at least one" more admission so that's kind of freaking me out right now, along with everything else thats going on atm. I mean, I dont feel "bad enough" to warrant another admission, but I do trust my psych and when I asked him he said it was a definite yes to me needing to come back in. Who do I trust? My psych or my head?

crazykat · 17-10-2010, 11:11 AM

You are bad enough, that fact that you are struggling with things show that you still need more support. Recovery isn't supposed to be a quick process, it does take time. You are worthy of receiving this support. Hold on there hun xxx

akita · 17-10-2010, 11:20 AM

Sweetie you can get through this one and you can get through the next. We are all behind you in your recovery.

lozza · 17-10-2010, 11:39 AM

ok... I know that its so much easier to tell others than yourself...
but before I came back into hospital I felt the same way... and well if it wasnt for you and others constantly telling me "loz, you need to go back in" tbh I dont think I'd still be alive.

Trust P, trust us. I know that he would never lie to you and neither would I. You are so special to me and I hope you dont mind but I am in the process of making you something whilst I am in here, its keeping me busy so if your head gives you hell about it, tell it to shut up cuz I know deep down you just want me to be safe and ok.

Love you so much.
Hang in there and we will get there in the end. We both will!!!
I am not letting you give up, not ever:) and your not allowed to either, well at least not till I give up on you first which lol will be NEVER:p
*cuddles gently* xxxx

nowhereman · 17-10-2010, 12:27 PM

You are bad enough hunni. I know you may not feel it but they wouldn't say it if it weren't true. Good luck, I hope it helps. *cuddles*

Buttercup. · 17-10-2010, 02:59 PM

Trust your psych honey. And you are "bad" enough. I promise. I love you. Stay safe.

Revival · 17-10-2010, 10:29 PM

thanks guys.

Weigh day today. Until now I haven't known my weight, and today I stupidly looked at the scales. I'm f*cking obese! Can't deal with this Can't deal with this Can't deal with this Can't deal with this Can't deal with this Can't deal with this Can't deal with this Can't deal with this Can't deal with this Can't deal with this Can't deal with this Can't deal with this Can't deal with this

help me, I feel so unsafe

Buttercup. · 17-10-2010, 10:41 PM

*hugs* Ally you CAN do this. Do you think you could step on backwards so you don't have to see the number?

lozza · 18-10-2010, 12:18 AM

please please talk to a nurse hunni please
and tbh being in an ED ward, I am suprised they even let you look but that is soooo off topic

I love you and will try call you later today ok
love you xx

Revival · 18-10-2010, 09:12 AM

Thanks Jess and Loz, love you guys

I think this is the worst day I've had in here. Seeing my weight has just totally broken me down. I know that I shouldn't define myself by my weight but the fact is that I do right now, and I dont know how to change that. I mean I knew I'd put on weight, but not that much!!!

Had major intense rage incident this afternoon, they had to stop me hurting myself. It's like every little tiny thing was setting me off, like someone breathing or a chair squeaking. They gave me a fair bit of meds but it didnt make much difference.

Then I had to go into ward round, and I started yelling at everyone before bursting into tears and sobbing my eyes out for about 2 hours; luckily I had my mum here to hold me and let me cry.

I begged her to take me home, said that I just can't handle this anymore, she wouldn't do it. Don't know if that's a good thing or not. I mean I know what I would be like if I went home (not good) but that's what my ED wants and at this moment I just can't fight it.

I'm sorry I'm such a screw up, just need some love?

Buttons. · 18-10-2010, 09:34 AM

*loves*

[LittleMonster] · 18-10-2010, 10:41 AM

*cuddles you*
I'm glad your mum wouldn't let you go home, as you said yourself your ED wants you to go home so it can just get you iller.
Keep fighting <3
I believe in you

akita · 18-10-2010, 11:03 AM

You aren't a screw up. I'm glad your mum was there with you today.

*lots of love*

nowhereman · 18-10-2010, 11:07 AM

*love and hugs* I'm sure you're not obese, I now you're not happy to gain but you needed to, to be safe. PLease be ok.

crazykat · 18-10-2010, 02:33 PM

You are not a screw up hun, far from it. You have done so well to get this far, with all the challenges thrown at you and for that I am incredibly proud of you. I am glad your mum was there for you *sending lots of love and hugs your way*

lozza · 19-10-2010, 12:20 AM

your not a screw up not at all
love you hunni, and remember... something special will be on its way to you very soon:) I will send it after group - before lunch

I love you xxx

akita · 19-10-2010, 11:24 AM

I was going to phone you this afternoon but I fell asleep. How are you doing today love? I hope you are feeling better than yesterday.

xxx

Revival · 19-10-2010, 07:48 PM

Thanks once again for the replies guys, hope you're all ok xx <3

And sadly once again I have to say I'm not feeling so great. My urges to b/p are back and I'm not sure what to do about them; it's making me miserable.

been awake since 4, it's now 5:40 and I feel like I just cannot face another day of this. My mum is taking me out to see my dog and horse which should be making me happy but I just feel like curling up in a ball and waiting for the end. I'm sorry, I know that's depressing I'm just telling it how it is. I just feel numb.

And I did find out yesterday that the dietician lied to me about my weight and BMI, apparently not on purpose but I dont believe her. Not sure if I mentioned this but I went off at her in ward round for lying to me.

As I said I found out my weight on Monday and that number is burned on my brain, on the inside of my eyelids. It's not underweight, in fact its a long way from underweight so it really is ok for me to be losing. I'm not overweight quite but close enough. I've never been this heavy in my life and I can't stand it. Had to buy new clothes because many of mine don't fit or are too tight for me to handle. Nearly had a major meltdown while shopping, I just wanted to get out of there!

I just dont feel like I can face another day of this, can I please have some support or hugs or something? Just feeling really alone and disheartened and hopeless, and I'm really sorry that I keep bumping this up it's just that you guys really do help.