It's the loneliest feeling in the world - to find yourself standing up when everyone else is sitting down. To have everybody look at you and say "what's the matter with her?" I know what it feels like. Walking down an empty street, listening to the sound of your own footsteps. Shutters closed, blinds drawn, doors locked against you. And you aren't sure whether you're walking toward something, or if you're just walking away
I don't wanna believe I'll get a christmas present from you because I don't believe I'll still be alive by christmas...and definitely not new year.
♥It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...♥
Nufnkgdshnbfymbvcsruomj. I can't be fucked with you, baww your life is so hard, baww you do so much, baww you didn't get a thank you. Welcome to my fucking life. Cunt.
You can't lose hope when it's hopeless.
You gotta hope more,
then put your fingers in your ears and go,
"Blah blah blah blah!"
I don't know what else to say...all i know is I've been incredibly depressed since you've been gone and I just want you back. You say you still love me, yet you don't seem to care about me at all.
The question I didn't ask you because I was too afraid: If I hadn't said anything and we had fucked, and I thought it meant we were back together, what would you have done?
That was my real question.
I feel like if I let you, you would use me for sex. Why does every guy end up just using me for sex in the end?
Whatever it is, you can get through it. I promise.
I am nothing more than a sex object.
You even fooled me into thinking that I was more. How did you fool me so well?
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I am so jealous of you. So incredibly fucking jealous of you all. All of you who's baby daddys have stayed. Even if they didn't stay with you, but if they stayed to raise their kid at least.
I thought he was the kind of guy that would want to stay. But he's not.
Whatever it is, you can get through it. I promise.
X, Y and Z: I am going to prioritise my DBT over my uni work. I am doing really well in therapy but it seems that uni stress is reinforcing my negative patterns of thinking and coping. I am far more at risk as a result. If I have just a few months of nothing but therapy, I think I will recover and go onto great things. Please don't worry that this is a sign I am doing badly and that things have become any more serious. It's a sign they're better. I'm sorry if it disappoints you but I know it's the right choice for me.
I'm really pleased for you & I know you're going to do a really good job & you'll still be there, but you're going to be so busy & it's actually really unsettling for me because I'm getting a new team leader who I can't talk to about ALL the things like I can you.. & it scares me. I guess I'm not good with change & now I'm scared. :(
Don't fucking dare call me a selfish arsehole for not cleaning for two days. It's two sodding days, in which I've completed two commissions, demo-ed for three hours, volunteered for four hours and done a tattoo to pay off some of my debt. I've been as busy as hell but you don't care, do you, because it's not a 'proper job'.
Now I'll play your ghost as my ace, whenever I'm led astray.
But I am actually good, can't help it if we're tilted.
I'm in my right place, don't be a downer.
Cutting myself off from the world til Monday again. Least if I'm alone there's no one to ask "what's wrong?" when I don't have any words to explain...
♥It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...♥
I'm sorry for being a twat though I'm sure you expected it. Please help me make it stop or a little easier its so hard and I'm struggling to keep it together and this time of year its important for other people to not see me crumble- I'm dangerously close now.
