Roli - I'm less hyped but I feel exhausted. I slept for about an hour in the end I think. House is clean though. Thank you, I'll update when I can. I didn't believe the 'I'm fine' but know I'm here and I will be more use when I don't feel like my brain's in backwards. Katy - I know it's hard to keep picking yourself back up when it feels like you just get knocked down again; but it's just that that particular reason wasn't the right one. It's out there though, you'll find it <3
x Katie x
thank you for the advice guys. I don't know. I'm tired of talking. there's nothing anyone can say. In addition to the general suckyness of life, my uncle passed away on monday and his funeral was yesterday. my brother has been home on leave from the army for 2 weeks and he went back today, and then found out that he might be getting deployed in march. and my mom is going back to the hospital for the 3rd time in 2 months. I feel like my mom is dying. and everyone is trying to pretend that nothing's wrong and it's not like anyone can be like "oh no she's not going to die" because they just don't know that. Her visiting nurse said she "really really doesn't believe she will die" but that's not good enough. at my uncle's funeral all I could think about was the next funeral I go to will probably be my mom's. I don't even know. I feel like the woman I have here isn't my mom anymore. she's so sick. I just can't handle it anymore. I'm tired of talking to people. I don't want to do anything. I just want to sleep.
Katy - I'm glad you've decided to keep fighting. I have faith in you <3
~ Megan
"Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger."
I don't know if I'm suicidal exactly because I think about it a lot and I don't want to be here but I don't know if I'm brave enough to die either.
I'm just sad and I don't understand why bad things happen to me and I don't understand why I can't have some one who loves me and cares, you know? It just gets really lonely sometimes...
And then at night I'll run away and go outside and just walk really far away, and I live in a sketchy part of the country, so sketchy people who are drunk always ask me if I want a ride and I know you're not supposed to talk to strangers but sometimes I just want to because I don't care if I die, you know?
"I believe in running through the rain and crashing into the person you love and having your lips bleed on each other"
*offers katy hug*
youre still alive and have been since you started feelin this way for a reason.
if didnt have a reason you may be gone.
maybe try think out that reason.
but everytime you start losin hope find somethin to hold onto. even if its till tomorrow. then tomorrow search or look for somethin else. can be anything. A certain item you wanna buy or maybe someone visiting or maybe even hitting the hay tonight. that goes for everyone. dont have to though. just suggestion.
i love you all. pms are welcomed anytime no matter what about anything may need or want to talk bout :)
These kicks take me far away my dear; Far away from myself Far away from my troubles
Far away from heaven
Katy... Ive called out for help before and nothing happened. but know what to do? find somethin to keep you going and keep callin n tryin reach out for help. Can only help. Youll get help. Givin up lets others win. Dont let em.
Mum... *hugs close* i miss you.
These kicks take me far away my dear; Far away from myself Far away from my troubles
Far away from heaven
Katy... Ive called out for help before and nothing happened. but know what to do? find somethin to keep you going and keep callin n tryin reach out for help. Can only help. Youll get help. Givin up lets others win. Dont let em.
Mum... *hugs close* i miss you.
These kicks take me far away my dear; Far away from myself Far away from my troubles
Far away from heaven
I had appt. The doctor an my therapist... None of them care. I have to remember that. I am alone. My family doesn't care. Nobody cares. I hate everybody. Fuck
Roli, thanks for the hugs and kind words, i really appreciate it :) Also not that helpful (me i mean) but thanks. I didn't have a great day to be honest, im scared and panicking and its only just a matter of time. I dunno i don't really care anymore. Im exhausted. How are you doing today? *hugs*
Katy, there is a point and you will get help. It may take a while but keep trying you will find it <3 Stay strong for yourself, not others, keep going for yourself.
Katie, How is today going for you? try and get more sleep tonight, its hard to function with little sleep *hugs*
Givemethismoment (megan?), Im sorry to hear you are struggling so much at the moment. It sounds like you are going through a lot. Try and believe the nurse, they generally know what they are talking about. Im sure you Mum won't die, but try and hold on to the moments you have with her to make sure whatever happens you have great memories together <3 I know its hard. Keep fighting <3
Dancinintherain (Rachel?) I understand how you are feeling, i really do, but i can ensure you there are people who care about you, here and IRL. Is there anyone you can talk to at the moment? It sounds like you need support.
Drifted, I hope you are okay *hugs*
Mum, They do care, they wouldnt be there if they didnt, you are not alone. You have to remember that you are never alone! Can you talk to anyone about how you feel so alone? They can assure you they do care. They love you and just want to help. Stay safe <3
*hugs to all*
Have you ever looked fear in the face and said "I just don't care"?
I erm...don't really have any words right now. Trying to.
I care about you all; please never think you're alone.
If you ever need to talk, please feel free to drop me a PM.
<3 I wish I had words.
x Katie x
