I feel like people are asking for help in the wrong place (here) because RYL is here, and it's easy to post rather than asking for help in the appropriate places, like from their doctor or their counselor. People are asking for help on RYL that is much better addressed in other places or by other people.
I'm also concerned that people are getting stuck at the stage of asking for help. What I mean by getting "stuck" is that rather than moving towards helping themselves, people get used to being helped and they aren't becoming self-reliant at all. Once they get used to asking for help, they become comfortable there, and rather than working towards helping themselves, they stay where it's easy.
Thanks guys I wasn't sure about bumping this, but I thought Ween made some really good comments and I wanted to reply to them.
Well it breaks my heart to see you this way,
The beauty in life, where's it gone?
And somebody told me you were doing okay,
Somehow I guess they were wrong.
I think that people stay there for a while, but eventually they get up the strength to start learning the skills to seek help more pro actively.
The whole process is very slow, but it is a process. If people need to be in a comfortable easy place for a time, so be it.
Meantime encouraging people to talk about how they are feeling as opposed to what they are doing is definitely a good thing, and I have seen this happen a lot in conversations in chat and in threads.
Exactly.
And really, i'm not understanding why it bothers people so much? Of course, if one member is constantly posting on various boards and flooding the place with "I need help" but aren't actually getting it professionally then i can understand people being pissed, even that gets my goat.
But if a few members find it incredibly hard to actually seek help outside of RYL (and they know RYL is more of a support site than anything) - then you can't force them, all you can do is advise them, and even then if you can't be bothered you aren't being forced to do so. Some people can't ask for help professionally due to personal reasons - parents, university, school, college, work.
It took me MONTHS to go to the doctors about what i thought at the time was depression - if i had known of RYL then i would have relied heavily on it to get me the support i needed and the encouragement to seek professional help.
People take in information in different ways - I find it easier to read/think about it on my own, I can 'scan' a page and pick out what I want quite easily. If I'm told then I can't take it in... others find it difficult to read through lots of info and pick out what's relevant, but find it easier to ask specific questions and get answers to that, interaction helps then take it in.
Surely any question, no matter how factual, is also asking for support - wanting to know that someone cares enough to respond, even if they can't answer.
If you don't want to answer then don't.
I also agree people need to take responsibility for themselves - one of the scariest things about going into the psychiatric system as a teenager was seeing how institutionalised a lot of the older patients were - everything revolved around what this doctor had said to them, or what that CPN was going to do... but in my determination not to be like that, I am now realising that I've gone to the other extreme. I need to learn to ask for & accept help, not to think I should be able to handle everything single-handed and then blame myself when I fail.
I realise that some people have taken on the responsibility of answering questions, even when they don't feel like it. And please take what I'm about to say as a genuine suggestion, it's not an attack. If you've got to the point of being irritated by most of the things you have to answer, perhaps you need a break? It is a big commitment, and you're dealing with a lot of very stressed and emotional questions. perhaps you're getting burnout?
Last edited by Sigma : 11-05-2009 at 07:26 AM.
Reason: thought of something else
RYL is only an adjunct, at best. Part of my whole point is that for some things, there are much better places to be getting help.
Well it breaks my heart to see you this way,
The beauty in life, where's it gone?
And somebody told me you were doing okay,
Somehow I guess they were wrong.
i think that if people have problems/disagree with people posting for help, support or advice on RYL then they really shouldn't be here..
The only issue is with people who are constantly posting the same thing, getting the same advice and then saying no one cares and no one can help etc. People who use ryl as an excuse not to get help irl. It's easier to just post here all the time then move forward and get help irl. I know that everyone isn't ready to do that, so don't have a go at me about it. But it needs to be an accepted step. RYL can support you to get help, it can give you a safe place to rant. But it can't fix you. And that really messes with quite a few people who rely on ryl to do everything. And it can't.
And I think what you said is naive and ignorant. If you'd read the thread properly, you would have seen that no one is saying that. But you read what you want to read and then make comments that don't fit into the discussion.
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
Exactly.
And really, i'm not understanding why it bothers people so much? Of course, if one member is constantly posting on various boards and flooding the place with "I need help" but aren't actually getting it professionally then i can understand people being pissed, even that gets my goat.
But if a few members find it incredibly hard to actually seek help outside of RYL (and they know RYL is more of a support site than anything) - then you can't force them, all you can do is advise them, and even then if you can't be bothered you aren't being forced to do so. Some people can't ask for help professionally due to personal reasons - parents, university, school, college, work.
It took me MONTHS to go to the doctors about what i thought at the time was depression - if i had known of RYL then i would have relied heavily on it to get me the support i needed and the encouragement to seek professional help.
That's the thing. You would have been using it for support and encouragment to get help. To many people use RYL instead of professional help. They use it as an excuse not to try. They rely on RYL in ways that are unhealthy. It can help you support and encourage you. But it can't do what professionals do.
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
but how can you assume that someone is getting proffessional help or not? how can you assume that just because someone is posting for help or support that they haven't considered professional help, or tried it, or maybe even can't afford it or dont have the resources available?
when you're on RYL supporting you should treat people as people, not as people to be moved along to others, you should meet their needs here and don't even question things that you have no idea about
Did I say "i'm assuming that they're not getting help" no. I know people who aren't getting help. I've helped people for a long time and listened to them say No one will help me until i've found out that they hadn't even been trying. It was easier to talk to me then make that effort. I'm not assuming anything.
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
This thread is frustrating, and Aidey, you didn't answer my question about the first aid forum. Although from what I can interpret of your reply you did null & void it.
I'd just like to say that RYL above all things has given me the support to seek professional help, and persue with it. I take my medication every day because of the support of this site. I learn whats happening to my body because of my medication because of this site. I know the strongest people i know, because of this site.
I'm sure there are more than me that become stronger people, because of this site. Yay for the verbal kick up the ar$e.
~*~ Proud Cat Owner ~*~
"The smallest feline is a masterpiece." - Leonardo Da Vinci
oh & jess, for the record, i think every single word you've typed comes from a place of complete ignorance & you have no idea what you are talking about really..
I wasn't sure about bumping this, but I thought Ween made some really good comments and I wanted to reply to them.
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