I have struggled for too long and asked for help too late. Now that I have help available I don't want it, as I won't be me anymore if they make me 'better'. Being a ****ed up failure is who I am. I don't deserve to get better. I wish that my suicide attempt worked 9years ago and i'm annoyed at myself that I haven't tried again since, I'm such a coward.
"All battles in life serve to teach us something, even the battles we lose"
"There are moments in life when the only possible option is to lose control"
I want it all to end so badly sometimes, the biggest thing stopping me is I would fail and the the pain relief i actually need for a medical condition would be taken away.
I fasted for a fairly long time and only broke because i was forced too but right now i never want to eat again.
I haven't selfharmed since around xmas yet it's pulling me back, I need to cope with these exams somehow.
totally understand that. im trying to transfer perfectionism to revision instead of food but its not the same.
honesty- yesterday i had to purge just from watching someone else eat sugary food. made me feel stupid because i hadnt even eaten, but also secretly pleased as i wasnt just balancing things out, i had tipped into "minus points".
x
COME WITH ME TO THE DANCE FLOOR, YOU AND ME COS THATS WHAT ITS FOR.
Some people think im bonkers, but i just think im freeeeee, man im just living my life theres nothing crazy bout meeeee
Even though I am new I feel I shouldn't be on here as my SH is all to do with how I react to things and the way I think about things. I've had a good life and nothing has really gone wrong for me, the only thing that's gone wrong is how I've dealt with situations and that makes me feel bad.
I only really want to stop self harming or feel bad about it a day or 2 after I have done it then I want to do it again because otherwise I end up feeling numb and can't do anything.
[quote=Will;1616494] I've had a good life and nothing has really gone wrong for me, the only thing that's gone wrong is how I've dealt with situations and that makes me feel bad. quote]
hey i know what you mean, i often feel like a bit of a fraud myself, like im taking up people's valuable time when there's people out there with much bigger problems than myself and that im kinda wasting people's energy. HOWEVER.... im starting to get better at asking for help (mostly due to the fact i have a great counseller, do you have anyone you can trust to talk to), and there is no reason you shouldnt be here or posting here you need support as much as anyone :D
and im pretty much brand new here too, but welcome :D
xx
COME WITH ME TO THE DANCE FLOOR, YOU AND ME COS THATS WHAT ITS FOR.
Some people think im bonkers, but i just think im freeeeee, man im just living my life theres nothing crazy bout meeeee
Sometimes I wish I would die in my sleep. But it never happens.
I always just want to go to my roommates room and just cry for hours and hold her hand. I don't know why. Perhaps its because she's the only one who understands..
