a man went into a restaurant, sat down, and was given a menu. after a while, the waiter returned, and the man ordered his food.
Shortly, the waiter returned with the food, so the man lifted up the silver dome in anticipation, and peered underneath it. He shut the lid quickly, not believing his eyes. After a short while, he peered underneath the dome again, but the same thing happened to him. He called the waiter across.
"waiter," he said, "I ordered my food, and I tried to take the lid off, but every time I lift it up part way, these big eyes stare back at me. Why is this?"
"AH!!!!" the waiter replied. "You ordered the Peking Duck."
Seems God was just about done creating the universe, but he had two extra things left in his bag of creations, so he decided to split them between Adam and Eve. He told the couple that one of the things he had to give away was the ability to stand up while urinating.
"It's a very handy thing," God told the couple, who he found under an apple tree. "I was wondering if either one of you wanted that ability."
Before God had a chance to explain any further, Adam jumped up and blurted, "Oh, give that to me! I'd love to, please, oh please, oh please, let me have that ability, It'd be so great! When I'm working in the garden or naming the animals. I could just stand there and let it fly. It'd be so cool, I could write my name in the sand. Oh please God, let it be me who you give that gift to, let me stand and pee, oh please..." Adam went on and on like an excited little boy who had to pee.
Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted that so badly, that he should have it. It seemed to be the sort of thing that would make him happy and she really wouldn't mind if Adam were the one given this ability.
And so Adam was given the ability to control the direction of his misdirection while in a vertical position. And so, he was happy and did celebrate by wetting down the bark on the tree nearest him, laughing with delight all the while. And it was good.
"Fine," God said, looking back into his bag of leftover gifts, "What's left here? Oh yes, Multiple orgasms..."
Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean , two prawns were swimming around in the sea. One called Justin and the other called Christian.
The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area. Finally one day Justin said to Christian, 'I'm fed up with being a prawn; I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten’.
A large mysterious cod appeared and said, 'Your wish is granted' Lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate. Time passed (as it does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realize that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.
While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn. He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn. With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail.(The punch line does not involve a prawn cocktail - it's much worse).
Looking around the gathering at the reef he realized he couldn't see his old pal. 'Where's Christian?' he asked.' He's at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy & became a shark', came the reply. Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's abode. As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted, 'It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again.' Christian replied, 'No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy, and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner.' Justin cried back 'No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed.'......... (You're going to love this...) 'I've found Cod. I'm a Prawn again Christian'
Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, 'I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check.'
'Oh, by the way don't worry about my dog, Spike. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!' 'I REPEAT; DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!'
When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking dog he had ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just laid there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work.
The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled,
There once was a Red Indian whose given name was "Onestone".
So named because he had only one testicle.
He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.
After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said,
"If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!" The word got around
and nobody called him
that any more.
Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, "Good morning,
Onestone." He
jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love
to her all day and all
night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from
exhaustion.
The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do.
Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman
named Yellow Bird
returned to the village after being away for many years.
Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw
Onestone. She hugged him
and said, "Good to see you, Onestone."
Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to
her all day, made love to
her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the
next night, but Yellow Bird
wouldn't die.
What is the moral of this story??
.................................................O H, come on...take a
guess!
