Actually my not-exactly woes

[tamobhuuta]

I tried to cut for my wings but I couldn't go deep enough in the right places. I ended up SHing as punishment.

[one_step_closer]

Sorry to hear that. Are your wounds ok? Did you let someone know? Please try and talk to staff about what you are considering doing before you actually do it. I don't think you have wings but I understand that might be difficult for you to believe.

[tamobhuuta]

The nurse looked at the cuts and umed and ahed and decided the doctor didn't need to see them (I can't see the ones on my back but Mum would say the arm ones could benefit from steri strips. But I would just end up pulling them off) so they've got dressings on. But I'm going to take them off because there's sticky bit on the actual cuts.

[one_step_closer]

Maybe ask if they can reapply them in a better position.

[tamobhuuta]

They've redone them so they're better covered. I got a nurse to take a picture of my back and maybe a couple of the cuts are big enough for wings?

[one_step_closer]

What do you mean?

[tamobhuuta]

Doesn't matter, only one is in a possibly good place for a wing to come out.

[one_step_closer]

If you had wings surely there would be places for them to come out without you having to create them. Humans don't have wings though and you are very much a human.

[tamobhuuta]

Spent the night in a&e because when punishing myself I'd gone too far and the nurse was worried he could see things he shouldn't. It wasn't that bad! But had to wait 6 hours then getting seen to took 2 hours.

[Pi.R^2]

Sorry you needed to go to A and E. I hope you're not in too much pain and are having a restful day today.

[one_step_closer]

Sorry that happened, Tamo. I'm glad you got checked over though. Hope today has been less intense.

[tamobhuuta]

Thanks guys. I'm exhausted. I've been *starting* to think maybe these voices aren't as good for me as they say.

[one_step_closer]

They're definitely not good for you in my opinion. Look at all the horrible things you've done to yourself because of their influence and if you look at things clearly you haven't achieved anything positive by doing those things. I think you need to work with staff to use your own mind, your own choices and evaluate things. You are in control of you, no one else. This is your life and you deserve to feel settled and enjoying things.

[tamobhuuta]

I have cancelled the managers hearing on Thursday. I would have lost and it would have been very stressful. I'm still considering the Tribunal next week.

[one_step_closer]

If you want to speak up about things then do. Have you got some support to do that?

[tamobhuuta]

The managers hearing and tribunal are just to see if my section is legal. I've seen the professionals' report and unfortunately they tell the truth.

I say all this stuff about the voices being bad for me but I still do what they say.

[one_step_closer]

Can you figure out why you still do what they say despite knowing they are bad for you? Would you be able to try and not do what they say and work through the feelings that brings up safely? With practice and support you could manage to cope better and not do risky things because of the voices.

[tamobhuuta]

I will try that.

[tamobhuuta]

I had ward rounds. The psych has increased my haloperidol and given me a bit of leave with staff. Tbh I'd find it easier to go on leave with L but he insisted I had to go successfully with staff first.

I also saw my solicitor and we went through the reports together. I decided to cancel the Tribunal. I'm not mentally ill but something she said made me see I'm not myself at the moment either.

[one_step_closer]

I hope the med increase helps. Do you think you'll be ok with staff even though you'd rather go out with L? It's a bit of a step closer to doing that at least.