I am home now and have also been to see my doctor. She, like me, is extremely concerned because this is so abnormal for me. She's called my psychiatrist to try and get an emergency review but I have a feeling she [the psychiatrist] will just call me and suggest I should be admitted. Everyone is saying that. But I need to think of uni and at the very least I want to go in there and talk to them about it first.
But these mood swings, the impulsiveness is scary, I'm doing things I would never usually do. Five years down the drain and a disgustingly obvious cover on my wrist. They ask what triggered it and I don't know - I simply just don't know.
There is no way my wounds are returning to self harm. No way. I'm calling it a slip up, a lapse, and nothing more. I'm not starting that again (I have enough going on!).
Right now, the crisis team man has just left and we decided that hospital wasn't what was needed right now. This gives me a massive sense of relief, all I have to do is convince my psychiatrist of the same!
I think I'll have to see with uni, if it improves this week. I'm speaking to coordinators about my mental health so I expect they'll be supportive and make some accommodations so it might help for me to keep on going without having a break.
There is no way my wounds are returning to self harm. No way. I'm calling it a slip up, a lapse, and nothing more. I'm not starting that again (I have enough going on!).
Fighting talk! That's exactly what I like hear. You can get through this and stay on your course and do wonderful things because you're so strong and motivated.
I'm sorry you had such a difficult night, and I hope things go well with your psychiatrist.
Aimee i had NO Idea this was all going on there is No Way u are going back to where u were all those years ago No Chance in HELL! xx You completed a degree course at university and you are Now doing Post Grad work, which would be immensely stressful for anyone, what u have achieved in the last few years has been nothing short of miraculous! You look back and tell me i'm wrong!! You're dammed right this is just a blip and it was going to happen at some point, but just look at how long uv been harm free and well over the last 3-4 years with no significant downturns! You will come back from this stronger than ever, of that i have No Doubt Because this is YOU we are talking about! U know where to reach me xx
Thanks Dash <3
There is no way my wounds are returning to self harm. No way. I'm calling it a slip up, a lapse, and nothing more. I'm not starting that again (I have enough going on!).
Right now, the crisis team man has just left and we decided that hospital wasn't what was needed right now. This gives me a massive sense of relief, all I have to do is convince my psychiatrist of the same!
I think I'll have to see with uni, if it improves this week. I'm speaking to coordinators about my mental health so I expect they'll be supportive and make some accommodations so it might help for me to keep on going without having a break.
That is brilliant to read how you are being proactive about this and trying to see things more positively. I hope it goes okay with your psych and also with uni. I am here for you, proud of you for reaching out for the help you need.
"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."
You are stronger than you think Aimee. I know i've said this before but i'd love to see you. I don't know if you still have my number but i have yours, would you mind if i texted you later today?
I'm sorry things have been so hard, but like everyone else I am really proud of you for being so strong. I'm sorry I have few words but take care of yourself
x
You see a mouse trap
I see free cheese
And a ****ing challenge
You're welcome to text Andrea my number hasn't changed :) I didn't mean to ignore your offer I just wasn't up to seeing people even thought I'm lonely.
Thank you so much for the kind words, I can't believe people are still reading my thread b I'm so so touched.
This evening my dad comes home so I have the choice of trying to hide a bandage for three days or being honest. If I'm honest he is likely to be angry and guilty as all hell because he chose to go away which is the reason I was alone (not that I blame him at all! !!). While the mature thing is to have an open discussion about it, you know what I'm going to try and avoid it. If I got to the pub with mates tomorrow night it's only 2 nights he hasb to be here with me with my bandage then I can take it off.
Today I'm trying to have an Aimee day and do some activities I enjoy. I feel sad but in going to keep going andhope I can fill the day up.
Psychiatrist never called me back.
Last edited by Snow White. : 05-08-2013 at 11:55 PM.
An Aimee days sounds lovely and I hope you take some time to take care of yourself and look after yourself and everything. :) Do you think he would be less upset if you told him rather than waiting for him to find out?
Could you give the psychiatrist a ring?
It doesn't matter where you come from; it matters where you go.
No-one gets remembered for the things they didn't do.
We won't all be here this time next year,
so while you can take a picture of us.
We're definitely going to hell,
but we'll have all the best stories to tell.
I rang the crisis team and she had called them instead so I'll just leave it there as I'll be seeing her Thursday and we no longer are discussing hospital as an option.
He would be sadder if he found out, yes. I still don't think I can face the honesty right now when I know how he usually reacts, and putting in addition that he was not here might make him blame himself as he already tends to do with no rationale.
Just wanted to leave you some love <3 I can understand not wanting your dad to know. But please do reach out, to him or crisis team or whoever, if you need help xxx
"I know you're sad, so I won't tell you to have a good day. Instead, I advise you to simply have a day.
Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and don't give up on yourself just yet.
It'll get better. Until then, have a day."
Aimmmeeee sending you hugs if wanted (understand if not!).
im so sorry this has happened but like you say please try to see it simply as a slip up - you have done so so well with recovery and i know youll continue to build on that.
i hope things are going ok at home with your Dad and that your appointment on Thursday goes well too.Please keep talking to people and fighting.
xx xx
i do not always manage to be around but i wish you all the very best - love and luck to you all!
I'm very anxious tonight due to feeling a bit physically unwell (I basically ate cake for dinner and I'm over heating under a heated blanket) but I'm also very sleepy so I expect a valium and bed will ensure I am safe, which I will so soon.
My dad ended up not coming home which was perfect for me as it's give me another day of not needing to hide the bandage. And I kept safe by reading a boring text and falling asleep. So I'm drowsy and incredibly anxious about tomorrow's meeting with the course coodrinator - and of course all the three classes before hand.
I did buy lots of new and nice long sleeve cardigans so I think I'll be able to hide my wrist, and also maye feel a bit better in my new clothes tomorrow..
.. sorry, long rant. Had no-one to talk to all day!
The following content has been hidden - Reason : mentions self harm
I'm starting to feel all triggery and wanting to cut which is weird :/ Maybe it's best I get to that valium and bed shortly. I feel like I want to go back to the emergency department which is the most messed up feeling ever ever. Plus I can't cause I have class at 9am!
I guess I just want to show my distress. And I've fallen back into this being th e only way I know how to show such severity.
I think just having you hear helps right now, because right now being alone you're all I have.
I communicated it to myself by looking at my bandage abdomen to a friend by saying it was suggested I leaveuni so those things helped me to recognize I can still express the crisis without harming myself. It's enough it already happened - it doesn't need to again (says my logic brain)
But yes Dash I think just having people here still acknowledging I'm in pain without me having to act in it (as everyone has been very very good at) has helped wonders.
As for other ways to communicate.... words, I suppose. And if need be describing what happened but I'm going to try to keep it out if uni. I'm not sure how possible this will be due to my ridiculous thing about honesty. .
there is No Way u are going back to where u were all those years ago No Chance in HELL! xx You completed a degree course at university and you are Now doing Post Grad work, which would be immensely stressful for anyone, what u have achieved in the last few years has been nothing short of miraculous! You look back and tell me i'm wrong!! You're dammed right this is just a blip and it was going to happen at some point, but just look at how long uv been harm free and well over the last 3-4 years with no significant downturns! You will come back from this stronger than ever, of that i have No Doubt Because this is YOU we are talking about! U know where to reach me xx
