If you are feeling suicidal, post here... - Page 118

Heaven Knows · 29-12-2011, 05:00 PM

Roli - You can only ever try your best; no one else can expect anything more. I think your best is good enough honey. I believe you can get through this <3

I'm kind of out of my head today - doing loads and cleaning and shopping; keeping busy because I know if I don't I'll end up falling into another black cloud and I kind of need my head focussed for tomorrow. I think being home tonight and stuff will help; I always feel on edge at someone else's house.

*hugs for all*
Keep going guys. We're all in this together <3

getting_by · 29-12-2011, 05:39 PM

Katie- Thank you. I don't know where you get that impression from. I can assure you I am a failure and a loser. Always have been. I will be until the day I die. x

Heaven Knows · 29-12-2011, 05:52 PM

Roli - because of how much support you have given to me, and others on here. You are amazing even if you don't see it right now. We all do :) <3 I have every faith that you can beat this.
x Katie x

getting_by · 29-12-2011, 06:05 PM

Thank you Katie... couldn't do this without people like you and the rest of the guys here. x

non volo · 29-12-2011, 06:17 PM

Roli I agree with Katie you are amazing and you give so much support and help so many people that you cannot possibly be a failure or a loser.

My CPN app went OK(I think)
I told her mostly what she wanted to know and she thinks I need more support but am stuck in a tough spot as I am quite isolated and it's not easy to get someone to talk to me, she doesn't think hospital would be ideal as I just do not cope with other males so I am pretty much screwed.
ah well I live alone, I die alone

Heaven Knows · 29-12-2011, 06:49 PM

non volo - I'm glad it went okay for you. It sounded like hospital would have made things worse for you so I'm glad she's agreed about that. Did she say she'd look into options for increased support or anything? Where you live etc shouldn't determine your level of care - there should be things you can put in place to help.
x Katie x

non volo · 29-12-2011, 07:10 PM

Yes, she wants to provide increased support but it's not easy for her because I stay so far away from them and I have no easy way to get them either.
She has told me about wanting the crisis team to come to my house but I'm not sure about that because I don't think it will help.
I think having to talk to people only about things that are wrong with me or how I feel all the time doesn't help me an awful lot.

Heaven Knows · 29-12-2011, 07:31 PM

I'm glad she wants to look into more support. It can be tricky with this kind of thing but it sounds like you do need the help right now. Maybe it would help to speak with crisis at your house - I found the crisis people who came out to me where a lot different to the ones on the phones - they were a lot more understanding and helpful. Do you think it's because that's all you and they focus on when you talk, or do you mean talking about what's wrong in general?
x Katie x

Mum24 · 29-12-2011, 07:41 PM

Hi all. Hugs and positive thoughts for you all.
I've got no words.

non volo · 29-12-2011, 07:46 PM

I think the problem is the only time I get any human contact either by phone or face to face is to tell people what's wrong with me and how I'm feeling and I just don't think it helps very much,
maybe it's just me but I find talking about these things over and over with them non constructive as it never goes anywhere other than "we'll talk again tomorrow", what's the point when they can offer no advice and I keep telling them the same things, I've told my CPN how I felt but she still wanted me to meet them

little_paws · 29-12-2011, 07:49 PM

I want to read through this so I can offer some individual support but right now my head is all murky and I can't so instead I will just say I hope all of us can hang in there and I care.

I really can't try this again, I don't know how much more stress and pain my fiance and friends can take. I'm breaking them and I hate myself for that. Also my kidneys are starting to give up and they won't take much more either. Why won't the thoughts go away?

FabulousMike · 29-12-2011, 08:18 PM

I was listening to a song and it made me think of this thread, here is the bit that reminded me of this thread..

The following content has been hidden - Reason : May trigger, but i hope it don't.

Well what i'm trying to say is you're all amazing!, i know i don't know a lot of you here, but i'm sure you're all pretty awesome people!

getting_by · 29-12-2011, 08:22 PM

Thanks hun- that means a lot. Hugs xx

offlineforever · 29-12-2011, 08:53 PM

hey everyone, thank you for the kind words.

I'm supposed to be going back again next week for them to tell me where we are going from here so to speak, so need to get through the next week, but I need to get my hours through for work to find out if i can actually attend the appointment.

I'm not sure how long I can carry on for, most of my coping techniques are not working at the moment.

Heaven Knows · 29-12-2011, 09:07 PM

Big Mike - I love that song. It always makes me find a little bit of strength. Thanks for posting it.
Little Paws - do you have much support around you right now; professionally I mean? It sounds like you could use a little support right now.
Katy - Is there anyone you can tell who can be with you while you feel like you're not coping? Sometimes it just helps to have a little helping hand.
Stay strong guys <3
Here if any of you need to talk.
x Katie x

offlineforever · 29-12-2011, 09:16 PM

not really no.

freakangel · 29-12-2011, 09:24 PM

Little paws sometimes the most simple words like I hope everyone's ok is all that is needed. Do not think that you are breaking your loved ones because of what you are going thru. Even though it may be tough on them at times they love you and do not want you to feel bad. If they werent up to it I am sure they would have given up. Sounds like they are still around for you.
Non I am sorry you feel as though the CPN didn't help, I hope you can continue to try to be strong. I know sometimes personally when all I talk about are my problems they seem to get even worse instead of better. I am not saying run away from them or ignore them but sometimes distractions and focusing on other stuff is helpful. I dunno.
Roli you are not a failure in my eyes! You provide a lot of good support to people in need on here even when you are struggling yourself, which is amazing. Stay strong, your a wonderful person no matter what you say!
Katie and Roli thanks for asking how I'm doing! I'm struggling a lot today, woke up in a flair so lots of pain which makes me more depressed. Was crying within 15 minutes of waking up and pissed of my hubby within 30. Only thing that has kept me from doing anything is being nonstop busy since then. I'm gonna try to keep myself busy and distracted so I do not slip up. I do not want to see my 4 years go down the drain, but somehow I feel that it is inevitable. I dunno. Thanks for asking how I'm doing even though the answer wasn't good o.0;;
Love and hugs to all that need it! Continue to be strong!

Charmed · 29-12-2011, 09:58 PM

BigMike, thanks for posting that was lovely :)

LittlePaws, keep fighting hun, your not breaking them, they are still here for you and all they want is for you to be okay. Family and friends are there during the good and the bad and times of need, when they need it im sure you will be there to help them. As Katie said, do you have any support around at the moment?

Non Volo, can you try asking your cpn for more constructive support? And maybe meet in the middle. So you talk and then you both work towards what can hep you. Keep fighting x

Doctor (Katy?) Can you move your appointment forward if you are feeling unsafe? And ring work to find out when you are working so you can make your current appoinment? Stay strong, you can make it x

Angel, Its great that you have been busy to distract yourself. Keep it up. Don't feel bad about crying, its good to let it out Can you talk to your husband? Why do you feel like its inevitable?

Stay strong everyone. *offers hugs*

Heaven Knows · 29-12-2011, 10:05 PM

freakangel - I think it's great you don't want to give up on your four years - it's never inevitable until you harm; things can always stop it. Try to keep reminding yourself you are in control of it.
Charmed - how're you doing today honey?

little_paws · 29-12-2011, 10:38 PM

thanks for the support guys, it helps to know people care. I do have some support. My CPN recently went on unexpected sick leave and they sent me a letter telling me to call and the on-duty would see me if I need support until she gets back. They didn't bother to find anyone else to see me regularly. My physc has only seen me once but there is another psych there who has been really good to me. He is the first doctor I have really felt might be able to help but he hasn't been in contact in a while. I wrote him a letter the other day explaining how I feel at the moment and I am going to post it tommorow.

I also take quetiapine and diazapam which seems to help at least a little.

I'm sorry I can't think of anything to say to everyone but I am sending you all good thoughts