well i brought up that thought i may have been psychotic that night and explained why i thought so...and she just mm-ed...if you get me...didn't say anything about it...maybe because it was the last thing i brought up at the end of the session...? but other than that i agreed to be referred to somethign she asked me to look at a couple of weeks ago which was some plae i go to 3 times a week and do some stuff...not sure what yet and medication and this cpa meeting i've got coming up soon =\
Don't know what to think any more, the consultant psychiatrist has changed my diagnosis yet again I no longer have a diagnosis of schizophreia it's apparently been changed to psychosis cause unknown. This just feels like vindication that I wasn't ill and everything I was ever feeling was the truth, everything I ever thought about the doctors experiments it feels more real now than ever. I just want to stop taking my medication and show them I'm not ill. But they still insist I take these tablets, day after day.
Feel crap and paranoid, last night when I walked to the shop there were 3 police cars and lots of officers in my street but when I walked back they were gone no one was there. I told my parents but apparently they never saw anything, people trying to convince me things aren't real. But I know they are.
Some men aren't looking for anything logical, like money.
They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned or negotiated with.
Some men just want to watch the world burn.
DannieGirl: as it's bothering you, would be worth bringing it up again next time and make it clear you'd like a response - 'it scared me, what do you think of it?' how are you feeling about going to this place a few times a week?
Rhuben: i don't expect they changed your diagnosis because they think you aren't ill, more because maybe you don't quite fit the symptoms for the schizophrenia - it doesn't mean you are any less ill or taken less seriously than you were before. i am struggling with meds too so i don't want to be a hypocrite but i do think it would be a good idea for you to continue with them.
i am feeling quite scared at that moment, of people watching (randomers) and judging (especially CMHT) me. it's all getting mixed up in my head and i can't think straight when i try to focus on what the problem is. i think it's the tablets messing with my mind. i am worried because CPN has been talking about increasing them which just makes me think more that they know the truth and are trying to hide it.
I feel that the voices are really influencing me to do things like cutting.
They say graphic things and i try and distract myself from doing it , but i feel they have power over me and i cant control what am doing some times .
It's a thief in the night to come and grab you
It can creep up inside you and consume you
A disease of the mind it can control you
It's too close for comfort
They are saying that i caused the explosion of the mine in new Zealand.
That its my fault because i wouldn't do what they said.
I have to act stable because my nephew is coming over to stay for a few days .
I couldnt cut my wrists like they wanted me to do because of my nephew coming over , he is 13 but i dont think him seeing me like that is a good thing.
My partner and nephew are both out at the moment at the shop but they will be here soon so i have to hide my cuts from my nephew so he dont get the same idea as me and starts cutting.
My mother says that if i show my cuts to the kids , that they will copy me and end up cutting and that will be my fault.
There so loud telling me to do things and i cant do them , am going to make something else happen if i dont .
why cant they leave me alone?
It's a thief in the night to come and grab you
It can creep up inside you and consume you
A disease of the mind it can control you
It's too close for comfort
the explosion awasn't your fault, i promise. the voices are lying to you. i think it's good you have a reason not to cut yourself, maybe think of some more, like how you can use this as an opportunity to find different ways of coping?
The only reasons am not cutting is that my nephew is here other wise i would be.
The voices keep saying that things are my fault , am trying to ignore them but there so loud .
Am drowning them out with music
It's a thief in the night to come and grab you
It can creep up inside you and consume you
A disease of the mind it can control you
It's too close for comfort
I dont feel safe enough to go out the house today even with my partner .
It's a thief in the night to come and grab you
It can creep up inside you and consume you
A disease of the mind it can control you
It's too close for comfort
does being at home with your partner feel safe? alhtough it's not good to always avoid scarey situations, i think feeling safe is important - and then slowy coming out of our comfort zones.
anyone around? i am tryint really hard to ignore and disbelieve these 'delusions' but it's hard work and i wondered if anyone could sympathise... would quite like a hug i guess. this term has been hard but i wouldn't be surprised if the holiday is harder.
