If you are feeling suicidal, post here... - Page 117

getting_by · 28-12-2011, 09:31 PM

perola- I'm glad you will try hun. I really believe that they will change for you.

Thank you for asking, but I tend to avoid answering that Q for the simple reason that I don't wish to sound like a hypocrite. Hugs xx

perola · 28-12-2011, 09:33 PM

roli, you're just like me then. Giving positive advice to everyone else but myself :p you seem like an amazing person, you really do :)

getting_by · 28-12-2011, 09:48 PM

Thanks, but I'm really not amazing at all. I hope you learn to listen to your own advice, its really good stuff. Hugs xx

Charmed · 28-12-2011, 09:51 PM

perola, A promise is a lovely idea :) Im slightly worried about keeping it but i will try. Things will change :) *hugs*

Roli, haha i am impressed with your stalking, especially as i only just wrote the post when you mentioned it! I think i might do.. *searches for those in need of recovery from stalking* Oh and its fine i was joking :P
I feel like i can't control my thoughts or actions or everything around me. I dont know what to do. I have a support team but i dont want to talk to them (i know i should sorry... :()

You won't sound like a hypocrite, sometimes its easier to give advice than yo recieve it. Thats not a bad thing. I hope you are okay x

non volo · 28-12-2011, 10:01 PM

I think a lot of times it's human nature, We don't mind what happens to ourselves but cannot stand to see anyone else in pain.

perola · 28-12-2011, 10:42 PM

I'll try to keep mine too, Charmed :) if you ever need anything, I'm here for you

Mum24 · 28-12-2011, 11:07 PM

Thanks guys. I want to be helpful to each of you too. I'm sorry I'm just useless right now.
I'm in so much pain. I don't get it. I can't reason it. I hate it.

Charmed · 28-12-2011, 11:17 PM

Non volo, *agrees*

Perola, Thankyou, i am here for you too :) *hugs*

Mum, your not useless you are struggling and thats okay. Why are you in pain? Physical or emotional? Can you speak to your husband?

Mum24 · 28-12-2011, 11:22 PM

Charmed. I don't know why. I just don't know. I dont think I can talk to my husband. I am stuck. And trapped. I can't keep going through this night after night.

Charmed · 28-12-2011, 11:27 PM

Why don't you think you can talk to your husband? Maybe he would understand more than you think and can help you through. You can keep going, things will change you just have to keep fighting. Stay strong.

Mum24 · 29-12-2011, 12:10 AM

I can't keep fighting. I need help.

offlineforever · 29-12-2011, 12:28 AM

I had a psyche assessment today and pretty much told them I had a plan fully sorted and a date to do it, and was sent on my way at the end of it

Mum24 · 29-12-2011, 12:29 AM

I see my pdoc Friday. It's official. My life is officially unravelled. I'm not functioning. I'm barely pretending for people around me. I cut last night. My hubby will be so upset. I can't hardly stand to be around anyone especially my family. I don't know why. I'm failing. I'm falling. I'm out of control. I'm gaining weight again.. I hate it. I'm a mess. I'm doing anything and everything I can to get through the moment... Drinking and cutting are just two.*
Do you know anything about borderline personality disorder? My ot keeps telling me I have it. Some things I think apply to me. For example, I am addicted to relationships that destroy me and eventually make me suicidal. I am ashamed but can't help myself. I've tried. I know I sound awful. I am awful.*
Satan has me trapped in his scheme and he's going to win. I will indeed destroy myself and die one way or another. I don't deserve to live. I am his willing puppet. He puts thoughts in my head and I obey them. I am doomed now. Is it too late for me?
I feel wretched

freakangel · 29-12-2011, 03:33 AM

Mum, I am sorry you are feeling so bad at the moment. I understand about not feeling like you can talk to your hubby. I feel like I can't at times either even when he tells me you can talk to me about anything. Even though they may know about our issues it is hard to talk to them about it, for me I do not want him to feel bad or to stop me if and when I do decide to do something. I still haven't told my hubby that I bought razors the other week and don't plan to. Its just the way it is. Borderline personality disorder is what I am diagnosed with. It was described to me as a disorder that will cause instabilities in my self image and in my relationships in life. I experience a lot of black and white thinking when someone gets a little upset or anything with me and that leads me to start thinking badly of myself it's this whole cycle of emotional bull crap. Its hard to learn how to deal with it but it can be done. I hope that if this is what you have that you can find the right things that work for you to deal with it. You are not awful in any way shape or form, you mental may not be alright at the moment but you are NOT awful! Keep trying to hang in there til you can get to the doctor. *hugs*

Mum24 · 29-12-2011, 03:48 AM

Thanks freakangel. I want to cry. Really appreciate the words. Hug

freakangel · 29-12-2011, 04:49 AM

It's ok to cry, especially if it helps. Your not alone even if it may feel like it. *more hugs*

non volo · 29-12-2011, 12:43 PM

How is everyone feeling today?
I've got a cpn appointment later and feel a bit worried due to it(don't want put in hospital)

Heaven Knows · 29-12-2011, 01:20 PM

Katie - I'm sorry they didn't offer further support for you. I know it sucks when you finally get the courage to tell them how bad you actually are doing and they seem to do f*** all about it. Is there anything you think will help you get through this without resorting to the plan?? You're never alone <3
Rachel - like said above, it is okay to cry. We're all here supporting you; and as ever you can ALWAYS PM me if you want to talk. Sorry you felt the need to cut honey; you're husband is just going to be worried. Sometimes we need someone to worry about us. My psych is leaning towards a diagnosis of BPD - I know there's a lot of stigma surrounding it. DBT can REALLY help with BPD (gah! too many abbreviations!). Honey, you are in control; even if you don't feel like it right now. You deserve to live. You deserve to be happy. You're so supportive and kind - you've helped me so much. It isn't too late for you if you're still here <3
freakangel - How're you doing today?
non volo - I hope it goes well with your CPN - let us know? I know it's scary about what action they might take but they just want to help. Explain your feelings towards hospitalisation if it concerns you and it's mentioned.
*hugs for all*
x Katie x

perola · 29-12-2011, 01:57 PM

Doctor Colbertface: is there anything I can do for you? do you want to talk? Feel free to pm me if you want. I really want to help you.

getting_by · 29-12-2011, 04:07 PM

My bf asked me if I could still keep fighting the thoughts. Asked if I could promise that I wouldn't leave him... I can't promise something I might not keep. I told him I would try my best.

I don't think my best is good enough.

**************

perola- How you doing hun? Still fighting? x

Heaven Knows- How are you doing hun? Thinking of you. x

non volo- I really hope your CPN appointment goes ok, let us know how it goes. x

Mum24- Hugs tight. I know your struggling huni. Keep fighting, I know you can do this. In this together remember. x

Doctor Colbertface- Please don't let that reaction spur you on hun. Fight with all your strength. x

freakangel & Charmed- Cuddles tight. How are you both? xx

Hugs to all.
Stay strong guys.
Fight hard.
Your fighting for your life.
xxx