I'm just gonna babble a bit because I haven't posted here before, haha.
I've been with my boyfriend now for 15 months, I suppose I sort of class myself as 'straight' though, im not. But he thinks I am, so that's okay.
You see, I'm bi. I had a relationship with a girl for about a year and a half, to be honest, I never wanted it to end, I 'finished' with her in the hope it'd give her a kick up the behind, as she was being a bit of a bum. But instead I ended up getting with a boy..I suppose to 'fill the gap'. Even after cheating on him, with her.. we didn't end up getting back together.
Me and my ex drifted, but in a weird way I've never stopped loving her. I don't think I'd ever be able to break up with my boyfriend, as I love him to pieces, but I still have some sort of feelings for her, you know?
Like, if I hadn't finished her, we'd still be together. I guess it's my own fault because I thought a plan would go one way.. I'd finish her, well.. 'go on a break'.. she'd realise she'd been doing wrong, get her butt in gear and we'd carry on being together. but my plan back fired and we never got back together.
That was.. just over 2 years ago we broke up. She's now 'straight' and we hardly ever talk, but I still find myself thinking about her, missing her.
My current boyfriend is homophobic, extrememly homophobic. It stresses me out because I can't ever talk about it, because he doesn't like it. He can just about handle it if I say 'she's hot'.. as we can have a laugh playing 'hot or not'..as obv, he's into girls.
I'm not really going anywhere with this.. just getting my thoughts out.
I guess I just think of what 'might have been' if I hadn't thought my plan would work.
I mean, i love my boyfriend to pieces and I never, ever want to lose him.
I'm an openly bi girl, but I've had several conflicts with my sexuality. Sometimes I wonder if I'm a lesbian, I've never been with a girl, so only time will tell.
