If you are feeling suicidal, post here...

[Mum24]

Where did you or are you planning to run away to my friend? Hmm. :(
What else are you up to today Roli? Squishes.
I'm out now. Gotta buy a couple last minute presents. I actually got up and dressed, took my meds, and got out. We'll see how long this lasts. Usually not too long. Still having some screwy thoughts but oh well. That's just me now isn't it? I'm just tired of this and want it to go away already.

[freakangel]

Thank you..I appreciate all your kind words and am trying to apply them to my life now. Just gonna keep holding on until I can find those other reasons, or I'm at least gonna try.. Hope you have a happy holiday, thank you again.

[getting_by]

freakangel- Stay safe and take care hun. We're here if you need anyone xx

Rachel- Well... Now thats a long story! Last year I ran away to find a reason not to kill myself. I found it just in time. lol. I get very 'suffocated' sometimes and just have to get away. You ever feel like that?
This year. Thats a secret :P

I am actually just doing my essay.. ALLLLL day. I lead a dull life. However, it is getting me through the days at home because I am on my own and occupied. Which is good.

You are very brave going out today! I have refused to go out for the last 4 days because it would be too busy. I am in awe. Well done for getting up, dressed and taking your meds. Take it a day at a time hun. I know how impossible those things can feel some days. (people take them for granted!)

Hugs xx

[non volo]

Thank you for your kind words.
I was talking about the cpn and crisis team, I feel tricked.

I've been on the phone with NHS, CPN and CMHT over the past 2 hours and currently waiting on a doctor phoning me back and I feel worse than I did before. they keep asking me what would help but I have no idea

[getting_by]

Hugs tight.
I am so sorry your feeling worse than before.

I'm sorry you feel let down by people. Why do you think you feel that way? Do you think they should have done something different or more or did they say something that upset you. I know you aren't finding them very helpful right now, but stick at it. They do have their uses.

If you can think of anything that will help at all- I would mention it. Its best to try to come up with your own solutions or they will 'apply' solutions to you. Not normally the best ones.
You mentioned they weren't going to admit you unless you got worse. Do you think you are bad enough to be admitted?

Here for you

[Mum24]

Thanks for your encouragement Roli. About running away, as long as you stay safe honey. I'm glad you found a reason just in time last year. Huggles.
I gave up on shopping. All I kept doing was wandering toward the knives. Not good. So I left.
Non volo. I hate feeling tricked and let down by the people who are supposed to care but usually it's just that I'm feeling so desperate I can't see things clearly. Can you give it another chance? Please let them help you.

[non volo]

Roli please don't apologize it's not your fault this happened.
I feel like this because I have never told anyone what actually happened to me before and when I finally said it to my cpn she told me I would get all the support I needed but when I actually need it I can't get it, They now want me to wait until after new year before they can help me and want me to go out and try and have fun in a place where no one will talk to me, I just feel used and hopeless.

Mum24: I will wait until I hear what this doctor has to say, maybe it will help.

[getting_by]

non volo- Its rubbish they have been like that. It is impossible to 'have fun' and 'go out' when your feeling like this. Its ridiculous. Don't let them fob you off hun. Christmas or no christmas, if you need help hun, demand it.

I hate how everyone goes off at christmas and everyone is more reluctant to do anything to help people. I know its a family time and things, but people are still desperate. Perhaps even more so. Especially after you telling people what happened and saying you will get support. I had the same after I came out of hospital having nearly died. I didn't get anything. Still hardly get any support. Just got to keep hoping.

I am glad your going to see what the Dr says.

I hope you manage to find comfort somewhere hun without hurting yourself. I hope you can stay safe, just a little longer.

Take care, keep talking :) x

p.s. I did a WHOLE thread without one sorry, I have achieved something today.

[Mum24]

How are you doing now Roli? I'm ok I guess. I went for a walk but it's still hard to get out of my head you know? Looking forward to going to church tonight to get out and see people. Usually I want the opposite, to disappear, but tonight I want to go out. I'm so tired of depression. I'm tired of not thinking straight. I'm tired of always being just ok enough to have to suffer all alone in silence, yet not being ok at all on the inside. Maybe that's why I'm afraid to take my meds tonight. I don't want to be a zombie, having to suffer in silence cuz I'm just that little bit better...

[muchlove]

I think I'm ready to go now :(

[Heaven Knows]

muchlove - do you have any support around you? Someone you can call?

Rachel - I'm glad you want to go out. I wish I had words for you right now.

I so badly wish it had worked. I was so close but it didn't happen. I can't stop it all in my head. I just want it to end.

[non volo]

dunno replied to wrong thing altogether sorry

[Charmed]

Hello... I hope everyone is okay *hugs*

Katie, im glad it didnt work, things will get better. I promise. Is there anyone you can talk to at the moment? Or do something to distract the thoughts in your head?

I feel worse than i did before. And i did something even more stupid than i had already had done. Im kinda scared for tomorrow.

But i hope everyone has a lovely Christmas and can find the support you need. Remember there is always hope :) *hugs*

[Heaven Knows]

Charmed - There is no one. I can't ruin Christmas for anyone. Crisis kept making me promise I'd call them if I felt unsafe but I know I'm not going to do anything because I'm not going to ruin things for people. So, I guess in a way I'm safe. I just wish it would all end.
I'm sorry you're feeling worse; can you talk to anyone? I hope tomorrow is okay for you <3
x Katie x

[Charmed]

katie, you won't be ruining Christmas, people would much rather you were safe and you told them so they can help. Do you not think its a good idea to ring crisis anyway? They can talk you through how your feeling and help you to be more safe. Stay safe.

I can't really talk to anyone, but thanks :) you too <3

[Frail Existence]

Just really depressed and down and low... Wanna call it quits. Tryin SO hard not to. I need someone... please.

[freakangel]

Drifted, it is hard during th holidays and I hoPe that you have someone you can talk to, even if it is the people on here. I am not great at giving support but even though I do not know you I do not want you to die or do anything to hurt yourself. Is there anything inparticular that is making you depressed and feeling this way? Can you pinpoint some reasons to try to stick around if even just for now? Hang in there, you are worth it, don't give up yet. I'm here if you need me but as I said I may not be the best support giver. *hugs*

[non volo]

Well doctor didn't help and a few other calls later and I just wish there was a hole I could crawl into, I just have no desire to continue and I don't have the energy. I've had urges to do things I've not done for years and it's hard to resist.

[Frail Existence]

thanks though. think im sure whats causig the feelings... Im feeling better some now thanks. I dunno what to do though. realyy have nothing to hold on for. Sorry. Btw... you dont suck at supporting. *hugs*

[freakangel]

Non, I am sorry that the doctors phone call and the others did not help as you hoped but please continue to fight. I know it is a difficult struggle but I believe that you have the strength to fight your urges. If there is anything I can do to helP let me know, be strong.