I just wanted to say this. I get Aidey's point. I agree that the only person that you can help is yourself, and a lot of answers can be provided via Google, the main site, stickies, etc...
I just want to say that I think a lot of people posting questions with answers are looking for support too. If you post "I just cut X cm long and Y mm deep, what do I do?" Chances are, you know the answer that will be given. Maybe you are upset and irrational and can't think of it / where to look. But you probably want support. You want people to tell you to go to the A&E or the ER because it shows that someone cares (at least enough to reply to your post). Even someone just posting a link to an article at least means that they cared enough to read and reply to your post. It also takes some of the decision out of your hands. Obviously, the decision is still yours to make, but someone else is encouraging you, and thinks that it's enough of a problem for you to go and get help.
That's not saying that people shouldn't attempt to use Google or search to look for similar threads (especially in forums like the Forums and Community Questions, etc... or running a search for the scar cover-up thread). It's just that I read a lot of threads about people that are scared... and even if their problem is 90% similar to 10 other threads on the same page, that doesn't take away from that person's feelings. (I also want to add that this is true for any age, but there are a lot of kids on this site as young as 13 or so, without the life experience to really know what to do or how to ask for help).
So yeah. It truly is a good point and everyone on this site is entitled to their own opinion. However, I disagree with certain parts of it. I know it was never said that people shouldn't ask for support... but I think that a lot of people are looking for support, but don't feel comfortable asking for it, so put it in the form of a question.
I also think that this should be moved out of General Chat. I know if I was a new member (or even in a sensitive mood) I would probably take it the wrong way and think that I shouldn't post because I'm just wasting everyone's time, even though that isn't what was meant.
Last edited by ksdfjhlksajf : 06-05-2009 at 11:40 PM.
Reason: it got formatted weird
Thank you for all of your help and support. I will no longer be coming to RYL. Semi-explanation will be inside my profile.
Everyone asks for advice. It's natural. I ask for advice on medication, oh noes, i'm bad. I ask for advice on how to word letters to psychiatrists, oh noes, that's bad too!
Advice can be in many languages, so to speak.
And people are talking like others on RYL are retards and don't know that there's help OUT THERE, people KNOW THIS, but they want support to get to that stage.
You want people to tell you to go to the A&E or the ER because it shows that someone cares (at least enough to reply to your post). Even someone just posting a link to an article at least means that they cared enough to read and reply to your post. It also takes some of the decision out of your hands. Obviously, the decision is still yours to make, but someone else is encouraging you, and thinks that it's enough of a problem for you to go and get help.
... a lot of people are looking for support, but don't feel comfortable asking for it, so put it in the form of a question.
Very good points, I think you're right (Y)
I think there's something to be learned from both sides here.
Amy i was just about to come and write exactly what you have just posted, and you have put it a lot better than i was going to :)
support and advice/answers can come as one, like Amy said, if people reply to your posts you get the feeling that, hey actually someone does care. There might be some people who don't want to ask for supoort you know saying 'i really need some hugs and support right now' they might not want to post that, it can make you feel vulnerable, so by asking questions or asking for advice, the people replying are showing you support just in a different way. and sometimes that might be what the OP wanted all along
We need never be hopeless, because we can never be irreparably broken
tuesday - no one gets to where they are completely on their own. no person is an island.
what you said there completely contradicts itself;
I'm pretty damn glad that I haven't relied on other people to change my life - that's something one does for his/herself.
Support is vital.
& does google offer support? nah.
i'm pretty glad i have some fantastic people in my life who i can trust & who are remarkable & intelligent, that actually know me, have let me get to know them, who i've laughed with, who i've cried with, who helped me get to where i am, who know me better than i know myself sometimes. rather than a search engine.
Ok, I think you really are misunderstanding me.
I'm not suggesting people find support on google. It was simply an example of ONE resource that is available to find out information. Google can be used to find clinics or hospitals in your area, or the phone number for your doctor. It can be used to find out what times your pharmacy is open, or if there is a bus route that can take you where you need to go.
I never ever ever said people should find support on google. If that is what you think I said, then you misunderstood me.
RYL and the people in your life are great for support, but my best friend isn't going to know the phone number for the local crisis line. She can support me when I call them, but I'm probably going to have to look up the number on google.
Last edited by Aidee : 07-05-2009 at 03:19 AM.
Well it breaks my heart to see you this way,
The beauty in life, where's it gone?
And somebody told me you were doing okay,
Somehow I guess they were wrong.
I read the first 7ish pages and then just skimmed the rest so sorry if I missed something.
For me this makes me not want to post asking for help at all, out of fear I'll be pissing people off. That said, I'm not sure if the op is in response to silly first aid questions or people asking for help in general. If it were the former then the thread should be in first aid... so I assume it's targeted at all advice boards.
Up to this point I've yet to post anything about my SH situation. I've inhabited the general forums while I warm up to people. I've browsed through ALL parts (that concern me) of the main site, even printed some of the articles concerning Suicide and Wound Care. However, as someone said and I'm sorry I don't remember who, if I post for help when I am feeling distraught, I would like to have a personalized response. Now I'm not going to post a first aid thread because I've been hiccuping constantly for the past 5 hours; I know how to use webmd. Please don't generalize people so that those with common sense who are genuinely in need suffer. I joined RYL because I would like support, advice that can be gained through the stickies and others who are experiencing the same thing. Having something in common with others, especially others who have reached stages beyond mine, is an uplifting and encouraging thing.
</ramble>
Last edited by Asura : 07-05-2009 at 06:44 AM.
Reason: spelling
Nous avons abrité tous les rêves du monde,
Et c'est dans le soleil que nous avons grandi.
It's not about people asking for help. It's about people who post and expect the people here to fix them. To give them answers. people who don't want just support but want the answers. And RYL can't give that. And time and time again I see people get angry and frustrated at people who complain that no one is helping them becasue the replies have been that they need to get help in real life.
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
Right ive only skimmed since my last post.
I just wanted to say, that looking at the articles (esp. the first aid ones) for the umpteenth time, I still struggle with them. Maybe they help a lot of people, but to me they are confusing and very impersonal.
Also on a separate note, and Ive brought this up before and is another thing that never got past the "thats a good idea..." stage, is having articles on other things that could be really helpful. E.G what to put in a first aid kit, if you dont have much to work with..., natural remedies for when you don't have any FA stuff, what happens in A+E/ER when you go in for SI and the list goes on and on. In fact, I have a lot of potential articles I've written, that would only needed to be checked, because I am in no way a professional and am crap at grammar. I have only compiled stuff I found on the internet and written it in a very idiot proof manner (so that I can read it). I have a feeling they aren't going to leave my hard drive though, which is very sad.
sorry about the tangent and rantishness.
MuC N?# [f;m/f/n] S.H+/S.Hf/S.H&S.He/S.H&S.Rlg/S.H&S.Brw/S.H&S.Mcd/S.H~S.Mcw A(b- r---!/) Os/r Cc- I- OF(r o+) P~ F(cr^/xt+^/pw+^/eb+^/a+^/#+^) T++# X+(s/b/a/p) Jx Dj/o R C++ So
"Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here, to the castle beyond the goblin city, for my will is as strong as yours and my kindom is great."
At the bottom of nearly every FA article there is a section detailing what will probably happen if you go to the hospital for the issued discussed in that article.
The articles may seem impersonal, but that is because they are designed to give as many people as much relevant information as possible. Each article is also formatted either the same or very similar to make them easier to read.
EDIT: I've just realized the "Complete A&E Guide" that was supposed to be put up on the main site about 4 months ago isn't there. It has a ton of info about what to expect, explanations of what you may encounter, and even blank forms you can fill out prior to going so you can write in the responses if you don't feel like talking. Sorry about that, please excuse me while I go and hunt down a Camilla.
CAMILLA!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Last edited by Aidee : 07-05-2009 at 09:07 AM.
Well it breaks my heart to see you this way,
The beauty in life, where's it gone?
And somebody told me you were doing okay,
Somehow I guess they were wrong.
aidey, if that is what you meant by the post, i would advise you to remove & and write something of more clarity, as it has been said, time & time again over this post that it doesn't come across that way & is discouraging to people on RYL to post seeking support.
i've even said this before & you've still ignored it..
Originally Posted by Jessiwuzzle Lives I think that she's not meaning posts by new people.... it's mostly regular and older members that repeat the same post and stuff.
'But who gives a toss? If it isn't affecting you then what exactly is the problem?
If people want to continue to "repeat" themselves on boards then that's their decision.
I for one don't think RYL will fix me, but i believe the support i recieve could be a big help in getting me towards where i need to be. If that means i continue to repeat myself, then so be it. I don't expect people to listen/support or reply - and i state this on most things i post - but i'm lucky enough to have come across some fantastic people who are willing to talk me through situations and support me.
And no one has actually "bashed" the OP, they said the way she worded it was patronising - that's not bashing the OP, but just saying the way she put it across could have been better. Big big difference.
*EDIT*
Also a massive percentage of people on RYL ARE getting help in real life, but it isn't always satisfactory because the NHS is a load of crap. Thus people turn to such support sites. Whether it's right or wrong isn't upto anyone but the person in question.'
oh & um this
'Please don't generalize people so that those with common sense who are genuinely in need suffer. I joined RYL because I would like support, advice that can be gained through the stickies and others who are experiencing the same thing. Having something in common with others, especially others who have reached stages beyond mine, is an uplifting and encouraging thing.'
Aidey, have you null & voided the first aid forum?
The more I think about this, anything in your forum could be found online.
Obviously your original post has been misinterpreted. Could you tell me in a simple answer what you're saying should not be posted?
I think it's ridiculous, really, that we can't come together and help people. I get that people should be independent but we should also be allowed to ask for help and information, and maybe when others get to the supporting place, they too can search and provide help for others, thus learn their own independence in their own time. Personally if someone asks a question and I search for the answer on google for them; I help them out. If I don't want to or have the time, I don't. I don't see why you should claim everyone flip on the independence switch, especially when they're feeling vulnerable or stressed. I didn't search for my answers when I was younger; I do now, and it's part of growing up & development.
I just wanted to say this. I get Aidey's point. I agree that the only person that you can help is yourself, and a lot of answers can be provided via Google, the main site, stickies, etc...
I just want to say that I think a lot of people posting questions with answers are looking for support too. If you post "I just cut X cm long and Y mm deep, what do I do?" Chances are, you know the answer that will be given. Maybe you are upset and irrational and can't think of it / where to look. But you probably want support. You want people to tell you to go to the A&E or the ER because it shows that someone cares (at least enough to reply to your post). Even someone just posting a link to an article at least means that they cared enough to read and reply to your post. It also takes some of the decision out of your hands. Obviously, the decision is still yours to make, but someone else is encouraging you, and thinks that it's enough of a problem for you to go and get help.
That's not saying that people shouldn't attempt to use Google or search to look for similar threads (especially in forums like the Forums and Community Questions, etc... or running a search for the scar cover-up thread). It's just that I read a lot of threads about people that are scared... and even if their problem is 90% similar to 10 other threads on the same page, that doesn't take away from that person's feelings. (I also want to add that this is true for any age, but there are a lot of kids on this site as young as 13 or so, without the life experience to really know what to do or how to ask for help).
So yeah. It truly is a good point and everyone on this site is entitled to their own opinion. However, I disagree with certain parts of it. I know it was never said that people shouldn't ask for support... but I think that a lot of people are looking for support, but don't feel comfortable asking for it, so put it in the form of a question.
I also think that this should be moved out of General Chat. I know if I was a new member (or even in a sensitive mood) I would probably take it the wrong way and think that I shouldn't post because I'm just wasting everyone's time, even though that isn't what was meant.
I think that just as there are people who need to develop their own research skills, there are equal numbers who need to learn how to ask others for help. Practicing by asking fairly straightforward questions is a good place to start.
Many people may be posting queries about injuries, behaviour, conditions or meds instead of just saying "I feel awful and need support", but it is moving in the right direction.
All my life I have found it incredibly hard to ask for help. Even with simple things like homework - if I couldn't work it out myself I would just show what had figured out and leave the rest. It simply never occurred to me to ask another student or a teacher for assistance. Now I can manage to intimate that I need help (and I can do things like ask for directions or an item in a shop) but a lot of the time it still doesn't cross my mind that there is help to avail of. This has meant that a vital tool is often missing from my repertoire of life skills.
YES it is important to develop independence and self-reliance, but it is also very important to develop the ability to reach out, to ask people who are better educated in that field and to make personal connections.
I totally agree with you. I tried to say it earlier, but you put it so much better. Thanks
"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Make us all feel wonderful. We'll never forget."
I think that just as there are people who need to develop their own research skills, there are equal numbers who need to learn how to ask others for help. Practicing by asking fairly straightforward questions is a good place to start.
Many people may be posting queries about injuries, behaviour, conditions or meds instead of just saying "I feel awful and need support", but it is moving in the right direction.
All my life I have found it incredibly hard to ask for help. Even with simple things like homework - if I couldn't work it out myself I would just show what had figured out and leave the rest. It simply never occurred to me to ask another student or a teacher for assistance. Now I can manage to intimate that I need help (and I can do things like ask for directions or an item in a shop) but a lot of the time it still doesn't cross my mind that there is help to avail of. This has meant that a vital tool is often missing from my repertoire of life skills.
YES it is important to develop independence and self-reliance, but it is also very important to develop the ability to reach out, to ask people who are better educated in that field and to make personal connections.
Aidey, have you null & voided the first aid forum?
The more I think about this, anything in your forum could be found online.
Obviously your original post has been misinterpreted. Could you tell me in a simple answer what you're saying should not be posted?
I think it's ridiculous, really, that we can't come together and help people. I get that people should be independent but we should also be allowed to ask for help and information, and maybe when others get to the supporting place, they too can search and provide help for others, thus learn their own independence in their own time. Personally if someone asks a question and I search for the answer on google for them; I help them out. If I don't want to or have the time, I don't. I don't see why you should claim everyone flip on the independence switch, especially when they're feeling vulnerable or stressed. I didn't search for my answers when I was younger; I do now, and it's part of growing up & development.
Aimee, the FAF was never ever ever supposed to be as big as it is now. One of our goals for a long time is to have as much information as possible posted on the main site, so people can rely on that rather than posting in the forum where they may not get a reply right away from a FAA.
We are constantly telling people "you need to talk to your doctor about this" because we are not the appropriate people for them to be talking to. It goes back to what I was saying in the OP about asking for help from the appropriate source, and not just relying on RYL because it's easy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Morrigan
I think that just as there are people who need to develop their own research skills, there are equal numbers who need to learn how to ask others for help. Practicing by asking fairly straightforward questions is a good place to start.
Many people may be posting queries about injuries, behaviour, conditions or meds instead of just saying "I feel awful and need support", but it is moving in the right direction.
All my life I have found it incredibly hard to ask for help. Even with simple things like homework - if I couldn't work it out myself I would just show what had figured out and leave the rest. It simply never occurred to me to ask another student or a teacher for assistance. Now I can manage to intimate that I need help (and I can do things like ask for directions or an item in a shop) but a lot of the time it still doesn't cross my mind that there is help to avail of. This has meant that a vital tool is often missing from my repertoire of life skills.
YES it is important to develop independence and self-reliance, but it is also very important to develop the ability to reach out, to ask people who are better educated in that field and to make personal connections.
Many people may be surprised to learn I agree with what you've said. Learning to ask for help is a huge part of getting better or recovering from anything. Part of my issue is that people are not asking for help from the appropriate sources, and instead they are relying on RYL for everything because it's here and it's easy.
Maybe one of the goals of RYL should be encouraging people to post and say "I feel awful and need support" when that is what is happening, rather than posting something else hoping you get some support in the mean time. Being able to accurately vocalize your feelings is also a very important skill to develop.
I feel like people are asking for help in the wrong place (here) because RYL is here, and it's easy to post rather than asking for help in the appropriate places, like from their doctor or their counselor. People are asking for help on RYL that is much better addressed in other places or by other people.
I'm also concerned that people are getting stuck at the stage of asking for help. What I mean by getting "stuck" is that rather than moving towards helping themselves, people get used to being helped and they aren't becoming self-reliant at all. Once they get used to asking for help, they become comfortable there, and rather than working towards helping themselves, they stay where it's easy.
Well it breaks my heart to see you this way,
The beauty in life, where's it gone?
And somebody told me you were doing okay,
Somehow I guess they were wrong.
