i do try and remember that hurting me and running away wont help i really do, but sometimes when voices and thoughts are so bad i lose that logical perspective and end up acting on them.
im currently waiting for a call from the hospital to let me know they have a bed for me, i dont want to go in but i think its the only chance of stopping or minimizing the voices. i cant carry on like this, ive lost all my energy to fight now i just want it over,
my mood is so low at the moment and i feel very depressed and unsafe, even my carer is struggling with me at the moment because things have got so bad, if im out of her sight for longer than 5 minutes shes looking for me, i dont think she trusts me.
Can you try do some exericse and eating right? like the fruits and vegatable to get your brain back to normal as it should be..Do you think that would be work for you? Just a suggestion that you should try that out.
im really struggling to cope right now, the voices are so strong and intense. they are increasing the dose of medication again in the hope that it will help lessen the intensity of them, but im losing the will to live. ive tried every type of distraction i can think of and nothing helps anymore, im exhausted and i just want to give up, ive got no energy left to fight with.
*hugs Jo*
I don't know what to say but I'm here for you <3 Sorry I've not been around much recently but drop me am email and I'll reply straight away.
Xxxc
im really struggling bad at the moment and dont no what im doing, i feel very suicidal at the moment and my mood is really really low.
im sorry ive not got many words today
im in a real bad place at the moment and cant seem to bring myself out of it, the medication so far has done very little and im getting fed up with waiting for it to work or for them to get the right combination of meds.
the voices have taken over completely i dont feel like i have any control left what so ever, they scream and shout at me morning noon and night telling me how bad and evil i am and how i need to be punished. they keep telling me to do bad bad things, i try so hard not to listen to them but they get louder and stronger.
ive got to a point now where ive lost all faith in the doctor and medication and just think suicide is my only option to get free of these. im to scared to tell anyone how desperate im feeling right now.
i just need this to stop
*huge safe hugs for Jo*
I so badly wish I could take all this away from you darling. Sorry I've not been much support recently.
I know it's hard to keep faith with medication and doctors etc. It's hard when it takes so long for them to know whether the medication/dose is going to be suitable for you.
You are strong Jo, and this is not going to beat you. You will get through it; I just know you will. You have come through so much it's understandable that you are going to struggle for some time following it.
I am ALWAYS just an email/PM away at any time. If you need to talk please just drop me a message.
x Katie x
Sorry I haven't replied, been quite a while since I was on ryl. Katie said everything I can think of really...don't forget that youv'e already come through things that required a lot strength to get through. It's a different kind of situation now, but you still have the strength in you, even if you don't feel it or believe it. If you're about to do somethin dangerous, or even sooner than that, please talk to your carer. You're not bad or evil; the people who hurt you are bad. *snuggles gently* Suicides not the answer hun. I know how tempting it is, I've been there, but its not the answer. *hugs*
Every day the world is made a chance to change but i feel the same.
And I wonder why would i wait till i die to come alive?"
All alone the way she feels
Left alone to deal with all the pain-drenched sorrow relief
thank you Katie and Anna for your replies, im not in a good place at the moment. its all gone wrong, this wasnt supposed to happen, im so scared so so scared. i dont no what to do. it wasnt meant to happen it wasnt, i cant stop shaking im so scared.
im sorry im a complete wreck at the moment, i got a message from one of them who hurt me and its left me in a right mess. i thought all this was over i did i cant cope with it again, and the voices are horrendous too and i so badly just want to harm or more just to shut them up.
im losing it badly and i dont no what to do, i dont feel safe at all. voices are telling me not to tell they telling me to run way they teling me lots of bad things, im so confused and scared.
im sorry im no good just useless
you need to tell the carer and the police hun. asap. don't delete the message. i don't know the details of your case, but there's no way they should be allowed to contact you for a long time to come. keep fightin hun *leaves hugs* don't listen to the voices. they're wrong. keep tellin self that
Every day the world is made a chance to change but i feel the same.
And I wonder why would i wait till i die to come alive?"
All alone the way she feels
Left alone to deal with all the pain-drenched sorrow relief
ive saved the message and ive showed it to my carer, she wasnt happy at all she said we wil tell the police on wednesday after the bank holiday weekend as my appointed officer is off until then. maybe it was just a one off a mistake or something, i hope it was i really do i cant go through this again i really cant.
im really struggling badly at the moment and the voices are just horrendous, i am trying so hard not to listen to them but im finding it a real struggle. im also fighting strong urges and bad thoughts just now and the need to harm is very strong. im to scared to tell my carer how bad things are because i dont want her to force me to see the doctor again.
i wish this medication would do something i really do ive had enough now, why is it not working yet?
*takes hugs* thank you
thats good, the police will know what to do. have you considered moving jo? if its possible, perhaps moving to a place where you haven't been hurt would help you, make you feel safer.
this med might not work, might need a diff one. up to the docs to figure that out, you've gotta tell them whats going on for them to be able to help you effectively though. you are strong jo, voices have been loud for you for awhile but for the most part you've resisted them. you're very strong.
Every day the world is made a chance to change but i feel the same.
And I wonder why would i wait till i die to come alive?"
All alone the way she feels
Left alone to deal with all the pain-drenched sorrow relief
yeah we will tell the police on wednesday and take it from there. ive not really considered moving to be honest i may look into it and see if its a possibility.
oh so these meds might not work at all? they might be the wrong combination? so i have to tell them how bad things still are then maybe they can help me get better. i just want these voices to go before they make me do something serious. im really struggling with bad thoughts and urges and fighting is getting harder.
also since the message my nightmares and flashbacks have got more intense too, it just doesnt feel like this body is mine anymore i dont seem to have any control over it now what so ever.
i just want it all to end now, i need a break from it all.
Yeah, those meds might not work. Doesn't mean no medicines will work though. Yes, for them to help you best they can, you have to tell them everything. I know its hard and scary. You're brave and strong. Not surprised the message made you worse, I'm sorry hun. Don't read it again. What can you do to help gove yourself a break? You like to read, have a hobby, a favorite t.v. show etc.?
Every day the world is made a chance to change but i feel the same.
And I wonder why would i wait till i die to come alive?"
All alone the way she feels
Left alone to deal with all the pain-drenched sorrow relief
