Contains sexual abuse - struggling with telling

[needle girl]

*holds you safe gently*
can vent on here if it helps hun

[l.e.g.o]

whats the point im useless

[needle girl]

Jo, no ones useless. Youre a teacher, thats not bein useless.

[l.e.g.o]

feel it

[l.e.g.o]

struggling so much
harming so bad
feeling so stressed
keep being told im bad

[Frail Existence]

talk someone irl jo.
you not bad.
*hug*

[l.e.g.o]

therapist is back this week and i wasnt meant to see her because she on a course all day but she coming back especially for me
dont have anyone else

[[Luna]]

It's good (sort of) that you're seeing your therapist.
Jo, I wish I knew the right things to say to make it all better for you.
We love you so much!
xxx

[l.e.g.o]

its a pointless appointmen
she wont really care
she'll ask what doctor said
and she'll go oh good and move on
and ill sit there thinking i cant wait till i get home so i can harm and make the hands go away that she says she cant stop

[l.e.g.o]

therapy tomorrow
im so bad
and i dont care
not like she will

[BridgesAndBalloons]

She does care Jo, she coming back early just to see you.

[l.e.g.o]

i went
fine im lucky but it doesnt make it easier
i told her i wanted to die
she said oh
she asked why
i gave her clear reasons
she said we'll discuss it next week
its like she doesnt believe i really want to die
im sorry
im sorry

[damagedsurvivor]

Awww Jo I'm sorry you have to deal with someone like that. I think you are right she probably doesn't believe you. She might think you are only saying it for attention which we all know you aren't.

Can you find someone else to talk to instead of her?

No need to be sorry

[l.e.g.o]

whats the point
im sorry
feel so alone

[damagedsurvivor]

The point is you need someone better than her. She doesn't sound like she's helping you.

No need to apologize and you are not alone especially on here. If you ever need to talk or just vent come talk to me my PM box is always open

[l.e.g.o]

i dont deserve help
that has been made perfectly clear to me over the past dfew weeks
and i dont know how to get a new therapist or anything and whether i could even cope with that change

[damagedsurvivor]

Well I say everyone deserves help including you.
Oh okay well then is there anyone on here that you can talk to?
I don't trust therapists at all but that's because all mine wanted was to get paid

[l.e.g.o]

mine isnt to bad but i dunno
im sorry
im useless
im a **** up
i deserved all i got
i shouldnt complain
im useless
apart from the one use everyone finds for me

[damagedsurvivor]

Well she isn't you're right but she should be doing more
Stop apologizing and you are not useless or a **** up. Damn if you are than so am I.
No you didn't deserve any of this no one does.

[l.e.g.o]

everything just hurts