back in hospital, hugs? [updated, need help please?] - Page 11

[LittleMonster] · 11-10-2010, 12:30 AM

You don't need to know, you shouldn't be losing :(
Weight doesn't define you, it doesn't define your self-worth, you're more than a number..

Please just remember that, and please try and keep strong
xxx

Revival · 11-10-2010, 01:16 AM

Thanks, it's actually ok because when I came in I was on the high end of the BMI chart, I'm in here for bulimia so it's ok for me to lose weight.

Thankyou for saying I'm more than a number, it's just that a number has defined me for so so long I dont know any different. That sounds like a cop out, but it's just reality. Believe me, I do want to not be defined by a number I just dont know how to go about it.

Feeling really miserable today and I dont really know why, I just know that I feel like crap and having some really bad thoughts about things I could do to myself. I know that if I SI I will be kicked out, but my ED thinks that's a fantastic idea, and I'm not sure how to fight it.

Going to talk to one of the nurses when she's free, just wish she'd hurry up because I'm really not good. I understand that there are other patients more worthy of her time than me though.

Buttercup. · 11-10-2010, 01:27 AM

*hugs*

I hope you get to talk to a nurse about this so they can help you work through this. You are amazing, love.

I'm here if you want to talk <3

Revival · 11-10-2010, 01:33 AM

Thanks Jess, I just talked to her but it didnt really help, I feel like I'm at the end of my tether and I dont know what to do anymore.

Buttercup. · 11-10-2010, 01:37 AM

Hang in there Ally! Is there something you could do to distract yourself to get you through these hard times? Or is there another person you could talk to who might have a different approach to handling this? Don't give up!

Snow White. · 11-10-2010, 01:50 AM

Oh Ally! Look at you doing amazing amazing things! Challenging yourself, giving up your lighter, recognising that it's your ED wanting your friends to leave so it can make you miserable... all such huge steps, well done! The way you are fighting in the face of how difficult this is, is so inspiring :)

The other patients are not more worthy, and it's completely understandable that you're struggling, but please do keep trying to fight the thoughts. If you were to get kicked out it would be just terrible for you :( and we don't want to see anything bad happen to you. I love you very very much Ally.

Do you know what the self harm thoughts are about - like, what it would "give" you, if that makes sense? Is it a relief or a recognition of pain? Maybe there's other ways you could get those sorts of things. Maybe writing a bit about it might help.

Please keep using this thread sweetheart.
I love you.
xxxxx

Buttercup. · 11-10-2010, 01:52 AM

I agree with Aimee! Writing could help you a lot. Do you have a journal (online or an actual book)? I actually just bought two adorable journals tonight, if you want one I would totally mail it to you. Just let me know hun.

Snow White. · 11-10-2010, 01:59 AM

I would totally love to buy you a journal!

Just putting it out there, if you do want/need one :)
Jess has good points though *nods in agreeance*

lozza · 11-10-2010, 06:50 AM

love you hunni
xxx

Revival · 11-10-2010, 08:19 AM

So I've spent the afternoon crying my eyes out and I dont know why. I purged my afternoon tea as well which is making me feel like absolute ****.
I just cant stop crying and I really want to hurt myself but I gave up my lighter again.
I dont know what to do; I just want it to stop hurting, and I feel like I'll do anything to make it stop

Snow White. · 11-10-2010, 08:41 AM

I am proud of you for giving up the lighter again Ally, you did really well, well done. *cuddles you tight* If you can keep yourself safe, crying can be a really good release and sometimes even works like self harm in that sense. Please try and stay safe - what can help keep you safe now? Can you tell us some plans for this evening that might help you?

You will get through this, it won't hurt this bad forever, I promise you. I know it's hard now but it will pass, remember, it WILL pass.

xxxxx

lozza · 11-10-2010, 10:27 AM

I agree with aimee ally sweetie

what plans can you make for tonight? even if its something as little as curling up on the couch and watching a movie...

love you so much
please hang in there
xxxx

crazykat · 11-10-2010, 10:37 AM

So proud of you for giving up the lighter hun, you did so well. You can fight this. *hugs*

Revival · 11-10-2010, 11:25 AM

thanks guys, my plan tonight consisted of curling up in bed and crying/sleeping. Have just asked for some meds to really knock me out because I just want to go to sleep and forget that today even happened.
I just feel so weak and stupid and pathetic and loathsome and any other obscenity you can think of. I know that no one will agree with me, though I really dont know why, but it's all true I promise you. I should just discharge, go home and let my ED slowly kill me.

Sorry, it's just how I feel right now

lozza · 11-10-2010, 11:28 AM

dont you dare hunni *cuddles lots*

and if you wana chat I am online (just appearing offline)
love you xxx

Snow White. · 11-10-2010, 11:39 AM

Sometimes a bit of curling in bed is good, especially if it keeps you safe, which I am glad of. You're not horrible, that's just the ed/depression telling you that. One day you will see it too, but it doesn't matter if you don't see it now... just know that we see it and you will one day. Until then trust us, we wouldn't lie to you.

Love you. Thinking of you & sending you safe thoughts tonight.
xxx

akita · 11-10-2010, 12:24 PM

Sorry I've not replied until now. Ally I love you so so much, you can get through this hard time, we know you can. Well done on giving up your lighter again. I hope that you feel a bit better in the morning.

xxx

-Rainbow- · 11-10-2010, 12:48 PM

*cuddles* ally, i am proud of your progress
you are doing well and every step you take is inspirational even ifyou dont see it yet.
xx

Buttercup. · 11-10-2010, 01:37 PM

Good job giving up your lighter again, lovebug. I'm proud of you.

I'm sorry you had such a rough day. But you are not weak, stupid, or any of those things you said. Not even close. Please don't give up. You are too strong for that. Start fresh tomorrow with a positive attitude and keep fighting.

Wish I had better advice for you...

*hugs hugs hugs*

Revival · 11-10-2010, 10:08 PM

Thanks heaps guys xx <3

Ended up taking tons of meds last night to knock me out because I was a total mess. Woke up feeling pretty much the same.

I'm just sick and tired of being sick and tired and I feel like a total failure. I know you guys dont believe that but I dont know how to see what you see.