Ugh , I've stocked up on alcohol but tonight is gonna be the last night I drink , I just have to today to numb the triggering thoughts and urges , please don't judge me too harshly . I hope it's ok to post this in here , My hands are shaking grrrrr.
I'm still not comfortable in my skin and the anasthetic's slowly wearing thin - Otep
Everyones lost but me! - Indiana Jones
It's okay , they know me here .
Kahlia1981 is my adopted little sister :)
''Courage doesn't always roar , sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow"
Mark - we dont judge. We are all here to offer support to each other. Hope u are alright, be careful with the drinking.
Still thinking of all of you. Going to talk to my ex tomorrow. I have talked to him since we broke up but i think now its time for a real conversation... not just awkward moments and me wanting to cry. I think i may try to disappear after i'm done with undergrad. Not from here and maybe not completely, but i think i may move far away... start over.. Idk.. just something i'm thinking about
Hope everyone is alright.
*leaves more hugs*
<3
forgiveness is the release of all hope for a better past - buddy wakefield
ugg...
*hides in a corner and cries till the point of passing out*
I was lei'd in vets! ***** Proud Plumeria Sister!
"He said look inside your heart/ And you'll see stars/ Falling stars/ Look, deep into my eyes/ Don't look down/ Or you'll fall, he said/ Here, the sky goes on forever"
Mark - hold on hon, and stick to Futurama (that's the second time I've read that you said the Simpsons triggered you!) and, y know... just be careful xx
Kahlia - hope the shoulder's not causing too much pain - I didn't even understand points 2-4 of what's wrong with it and I hope the new meds work out and you don't/didn't kill anyone xx
Fallinstar - good luck with the ex. Be strong xx
And Crimson - big hugs cos I don't know what else to say. You were really nice to me last night. Have the shredded remains of my blanket - they're comfy xx
Hope everyone else is okay. I'm still feeling wired, like I might explode if anyone gets too close. Time to sleep.
Каждому, каждому в лучшее верится,
Катится, катится голубой вагон!
*HUGEST MOST LOVING SUPPORTIVE GROUP HUGGLE EVER!!!*
Wow, it seems everyone is in need of some tlc - remember its ok to take time out for yourselves and make yourself the number one priority....so my councellor told me and I have on a post it note on my mirror to remind me!
Had weird day, went to see a friend who's younger sister tried to kill herself a few weeks ago. She didn't seem to have much sympathy for her which crushed me, cos I thought well how would she react if I ever tried that again?! How selfish a thought is that, when obviously her sister is struggling?!
I also thought that I should go to my GP to get my meds reduced as I noticed I wan't as obsessive compulsive anymore and that felt weird to me...but how mental is that, missing being obsessive compulsive?!
I just have to remind myself its PMDD time, so I'm going to have irrational thoughts...they are just thoughts...it does not make them true....they do not need to be acted upon....I love my post it notes!
"All battles in life serve to teach us something, even the battles we lose"
"There are moments in life when the only possible option is to lose control"
Yay I got a blanky! :)
Resisting the urge to roll myself a cigarette...im a dancer must not smoke...
Life sucks.
I vote we all find a hairbrush and dance around to Spice Girls songs!
Sorry have been MIA for a bit... things haven't been the best. Thinking of you all though :) and missing you...
Hayley, you play WoW too? which side? and what toons do you have? :D (I could talk WoW for hours... lol - that's so sad)
I am so tired. Well, groggy really. I took a nap this afternoon and just didn't want to get up afterwards, was so comfy just lying in bed. Gahhh. But I got up and had a little bit of caffeine (i.e., 2 sips of diet Mountain Dew, as too much makes me VERY anxious)... that seemed to help.
Am struggling with wanting to cut/purge and don't know what to do. I also am not having much luck with schoolwork, which is awful... updated my r/v thread if anyone wants to take a look. :( No particular triggers in that update I don't think.
*group cuddles*
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
Yes but I am in my senior year & NEED to get this senior seminar paper started, as it's due in less than a month!! *minor(ish) freakout* :(
And there are only 3 more days after today of spring break... so yeah.
WoW is so much fun though... *whinges* Heh... :(
And I am freaking WARM in here... southern side of the apartment right against the wall. No fan going. It's hot in the room, doesn't help that I'm wearing sweats.
*hides*
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
Sweats are comfy though!
I want my pyjamas!
I was sick last two days so completely failed to hand my assignment in today...
How much work you gotta do,what u studying?
Sweats are comfy, which is why I am wearing them. :D Jeans are torture... lol.
I am studying psychology. :) I love it... but it can be a bit much at times. Triggering classes etc.
Am so anxious right now... :( My husband wanted to go out to eat tonight but I can't leave the apartment - why? - because am too anxious!!!! I texted my NP to let her know & also took another mg of Klonopin (clonazepam)... so hopefully that'll kick in soon.
Just want to curl up & sleep for hours... I am so tired. :( Hubby took tomorrow off though so that'll be nice... will get to hang out with him and just enjoy my last weekday of spring break. Hopefully the weather will be nice... so we can go for a walk etc. :)
*cuddles all*
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
I really might try and avoid The Simpsons as it's having such a negative effect on me from time to time .
I am drained this morning , I have to meet up with my social worker in an hour and 15 mins . I just want to go back to bed :( . I am at my parents for the weekend for mothers day so I won't be here as much until Monday which is freaking me a little as I feel I need the support but I'll cope .
I caved in to the urges and harmed last night , I am just so fed up with this I 've been doing it for over half my life:( I just want it to go away....
Thanks for the words of encouragement and support everyone.
Last edited by Doikers : 12-03-2010 at 10:59 AM.
Reason: To add a line .
I'm still not comfortable in my skin and the anasthetic's slowly wearing thin - Otep
Everyones lost but me! - Indiana Jones
It's okay , they know me here .
Kahlia1981 is my adopted little sister :)
''Courage doesn't always roar , sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow"
Quiet1 - I think that if I were you I would jump for the chance to do IOP. It's "only" a week so you wouldn't miss too much at work and might get a lot out of it. Please give it a shot, love... I remember you posting about how much you are struggling, and posts like that are fine... I just want you to take care of yourself the best you can, and I think that IOP is the best thing for you now. *gentle cuddles*
Mark, I'm so sorry that you are feeling so low. :( Best of luck with meeting with your social worker - can you let us know how it goes? *cuddles* And I'm also sorry about the SI... please take care of the wound and make sure that it doesn't get infected - I know that you know this, just wanted to make sure. *more cuddles* Hang in there... things WILL be okay.
How is everyone else doing this morning? ♥ *cuddles all*
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
My Social worker appointment was short , he just wanted to touch base he said , I was honest with him and he is coming by next week , I dread meeting with him sometimes , I don't know what to say to him . My houseing support worker is coming by at 1pm to sort out the energy company demanding details and that huge bill thats not mine.
I'm still not comfortable in my skin and the anasthetic's slowly wearing thin - Otep
Everyones lost but me! - Indiana Jones
It's okay , they know me here .
Kahlia1981 is my adopted little sister :)
''Courage doesn't always roar , sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow"
and I hope the new meds work out and you don't/didn't kill anyone xx
