Hope everyone is alright... Sorry i'm not very active atm.. this is the first time ive signed in in almost 2 weeks. I've been thinking about all of you though.
<3
forgiveness is the release of all hope for a better past - buddy wakefield
Happy birthday, Hels!! *cuddles gently* I hope that it's a good day. :) Why are/were you apprehensive about turning 20?
Mark, I'm sorry that you feel so shitty. :( *cuddles* Stay strong... I know you can. Don't do anything "stupid" and keep fighting... easier said than done, oh how I know this!! but you can and will manage it. Maybe listen to this and put male adjectives in where it says "she/her"? [ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_smSRfCZRxU[/ame] (I played that song for my therapist & she actually said that that song is now her "theme song" - so maybe it can be yours?) *cuddles & rocks gently*
LauraStar, how are YOU?? Have missed seeing you around. ♥
Sorry didn't reply to all of the posts... oh, and welcome, Gypsie. :) This is usually a pretty supportive place, so come on in & join us!! The denial tent is over there *points* and there's even a mascot for the ward, Puppy SinClair. :)
Have not been doing great... want to purge so ****ing badly, want to die, want to cut sooo much. I hate my life. I don't know what to do about it either... :(
*hides in the denial tent*
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
Thanx everyone for being so kind.
April thankyou SO MUCH for the song ,it helped , it's kind of motivational :)
Happy birthday Mammamia I hope you have a nice day :)
*hugs all round*
I'm still not comfortable in my skin and the anasthetic's slowly wearing thin - Otep
Everyones lost but me! - Indiana Jones
It's okay , they know me here .
Kahlia1981 is my adopted little sister :)
''Courage doesn't always roar , sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow"
happy birthday helen :) hope whatever film you go and see is good.
one of my friends who i've known for 3 years just came and told me something massive. we've currently got mental health awareness week at college and they've been asking for peoples personal experiences and she decided she wanted to send one in. and i didn't know. and now i feel **** because what she went through was massive and she got through it and i haven't been through anything like that bad and i feel crap and i don't know how i'm gonna get through it. i just feel a whole lot worse now. i wanna die.
:'( *curls up in the corner*
AND I KEEP USING THE ****ING WORD "I". WTF IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!
The greatest hazard of all, losing one's self, can occur very quietly in the world, as if it were nothing at all
It has been the weirdest couple of days. My housemate managed to crash my computer ... and when he did it seems that all my data that was housed in non-original folders was lost. It's going to take me ages to get everything back. :( But on the plus side my new TV Tuner card works perfectly on my windows partition, the 2 TB hard drive is installed and working nicely, and so on and so forth.
Anyway today I had a meeting with a tdoc. I really don't think he's going to work for me, but I'll give him a couple of sessions. There's some negative factors there like when I told him where my father had worked for most of my life he said "oh that must be x" ... and it turned out that he'd worked for the same employer but in another city. That might not sound like much, but I've found in the past that a therapist who knows anyone in my family is going to find barriers created between me and them.
On the good side however, he has put in place some caveats, ie. if I tell him "no" or "I don't want to talk about it" he'll respect that. Which is kind of okay, but I'm still a little iffy. I mean ... I don't know. He kept telling me that I had a problem with anger and stuff that I don't have a problem with.
*sigh* I just don't know ...
*leaves behind loads of cuddles and some cupcakes sprinkles with 100s and 1000s (or sprinkles if you prefer them)*
She shouts, she screams, she smashes your dreams . . .
Would you mind if I killed you? Would you mind if I tried to?
'Cause you have turned into my worst enemy,
You carry hate that I don't feel: It's over now WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
* Proud Plumeria Sister * My Support Thread * I got lei'd in vets *
* My RYL Family: big brother Doikers; little sisters MammaMia & flutterby butterfly *
Since I don't remember if I said this already... Happy birthday Helen!
I like the song April. :) Adding it to my Ipod tonight.
*huggles everyone*
sorry for not replying to everyone but I'm just not up for reading all the new posts.
I was lei'd in vets! ***** Proud Plumeria Sister!
"He said look inside your heart/ And you'll see stars/ Falling stars/ Look, deep into my eyes/ Don't look down/ Or you'll fall, he said/ Here, the sky goes on forever"
"He said look inside your heart/ And you'll see stars/ Falling stars/ Look, deep into my eyes/ Don't look down/ Or you'll fall, he said/ Here, the sky goes on forever"
*huggles everyone then backs into a dark corner to rock, cry and hopefully disappear*
She shouts, she screams, she smashes your dreams . . .
Would you mind if I killed you? Would you mind if I tried to?
'Cause you have turned into my worst enemy,
You carry hate that I don't feel: It's over now WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
* Proud Plumeria Sister * My Support Thread * I got lei'd in vets *
* My RYL Family: big brother Doikers; little sisters MammaMia & flutterby butterfly *
One of my best friends is back in hospital *sighs* Have to go pick up a parcel from the post office, which she sent yesterday, for my birthday...feels kinda wrong to be excited.
I've had an energy bill that was run up by the previous tennant for £1443.10 ! and a letter from the same company asking for my name, date of tenancy etc and threatening "Further action" . I didn't run up this bill , I don't even turn the boiler on until about 4pm as I'm paranoid about the cost .
This has made me REALLY anxious and triggered and I was having an ok day . I guess I'll have to talk to my houseing support worker next Monday.
SO Triggered it's unreal , I'm shaking......
It's the threat of "further action" whatever that means, thats really getting to me.
* hugs Mammamia *
Last edited by Doikers : 09-03-2010 at 02:46 PM.
Reason: to add a line.
I'm still not comfortable in my skin and the anasthetic's slowly wearing thin - Otep
Everyones lost but me! - Indiana Jones
It's okay , they know me here .
Kahlia1981 is my adopted little sister :)
''Courage doesn't always roar , sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow"
Hello there peeps! And a belated happy birthday to Helen! :)
Sorry not been on past few days, but with Ewan back home after 6weeks, it doesn't seem right to jump online every day for a while, even if inside I was feeling lost without you guys. Just knowing people are there to read my posts and understand without judgement is a huge relief and comfort for me. I hope that it has a similar effect for the rest of you.
I'm completely emotionally drained today, I wrote a super long email to my sisters last night explaining everything that has happened to me and my mental health crap over the past 15years that they've been unaware of. (We're technically half sisters with a large age gap so grew up in different homes and haven't been that close). But I always swore to myself that when my youngest sister was 18 I would tell them the truth as I wanted to rectify our relationships and bond with them. So anyway, last night I got round to it and triggerred myself badly, but I'm pleased to say that Ewan came round to comfort me (though he was drunk and then passed out wearing my dressing gown, lol) so I ended up on the phone to my mum for over an hour - so good that she knows the truth now, otherwise I guess I'd have been speaking to my crisis team. I have started smoking again and have red marker pen all over my legs, BUT it still means I've not messed up my 8month mark, so with the "It can't rain all the time" and "stand in the rain" song, you guys have really helped me today :)
*takes puppy sinclair for a walk in the gardens whilst having a fag or three*
"All battles in life serve to teach us something, even the battles we lose"
"There are moments in life when the only possible option is to lose control"
I hate my life. I don't know what to do about it either... :(
